My boyfriend was talking me and started saying there was something he though he maybe should tell me but didn’t know if I wanted to know. I told him to go ahead and tell me. (I mean, what was I suppose to say, No I don’t want to know, even though I’m so confused and curious)
Overall, he said something about me not looking my best in my bathing suit, that I looked 9, and something about it making me kind of look like I was shaped like a box (“but that is too harsh because you still looked great”). He usually always tells me how great I look, (and this wasn’t the first time he saw me in my bathing suit) and it wasn’t that he said any of that meanly, more like he was searching for the right words not to hurt me.
Still, I was hurt and, even though I tried to hide it, he could tell. He started apologizing and asking exactly what it was he said. (I told him the overall concept) Then he got really upset and asked me if I could talk for awhile because he didn’t feel like it. (his voice made it clear he was saying he was too upset to do most of the talking) Thing was, so was I. (I’ve always been overly sensitive) and really, who insulted who?
We sat in silence for a few minutes. Then he broke it on a rant with things like “I’m so stupid”, “I’m a jerk” and the one I hate the most “I hate myself”. He KNOWS if he ever says anything like that, no matter what, I have to do everything I can to make him feel better. So it turned into me comforting him until my parents yelled at me that I had to get off the phone. It just isn’t fair that he turned hurting my feelings into his own pity party!
Once I got of the phone I looked back on it collectively I got mad. Now I’m wondering if I should tell him what is on my mind and why I’m angry next time I get to talk to him. And also, do I even have the right to be angry? (I mean, he was showing he cares for me by getting that upset)
Can you accept your own body for what it is, or will you be hurt by not measuring up to an airbrushed 8 x10 glossy double-spread ideal?
I once asked a woman what her preference for body type she had in her lovers. Her response: "I prefer that he have one." (a body, that is.) Mind you, the woman who said this was completely at home in her own skin and defined her happiness in ways that were unique to her, which takes a lot of work in this day and age.
Why am I not talking about HIM? Because the issue isn't about his bad manners – which given his age (I'm assuming he's within 5 years of yours) is normal. The issue is about you being hurt at his rudeness.
You are who you are, body and all. You've got to accept yourself, then love yourself, curves, angles, zits and all before you truly allow others to find value in you too.
It's harder than it sounds, coming to terms with the person you are. I'm working on it all the time. Wait until you get older and your body type doesn't match anyone's ideal. Then you have some really tough and personal choices about your own growth to make.
As for his feelings/your feelings calculus, don't make the math harder by over analyzing it. Call a spade a spade if that's what you really think. Simplify, simplify, simplify.
Whoa! First of all, look only at the facts, collectively like you said. Why did he feel it important to tell you this or say it like that when all of the other times he tells you how great you look. Second, never over apologize, which is what you did. You were the victim, not him. Don't play into his hand. Both of you need space. Maybe that is what he wanted, I don't know. You know your relationship. It seems to be on the phone.
Whenever says something negative about you, it hurts. Does not matter that it is to self correct, it still hurts. Take a step back, look in the mirror. Don't ask your parents. You want you to be honest with you. Look at yourself. See any physical changes that you don't think are up to par? Now, how about yourself mentally. Have you been growing up more, maturing? This sometimes bothers people. It is nature. Adhere the calling. Good luck!
aww.it's okay.i was in your position.well something similar.you have every right to be upset.the only reason why he started saying those things because he seen that he hurt you so he didn't want to be the one comforting you so he flipped it on you.that's exactly how my previous boyfriend was.i say you call him up and tell him what's on your mind.it will make you feel much better.i hope I helped hun?
Thanks, you helped. :) Though I do feel stupid about this now. I wrote it just a few minutes after I started getting mad. (I'm not mad anymore) It really isn't a big deal. It would be if he did it all the time, but he doesn't, so I feel like an idiot for posting this. :b - 3 months ago
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(Age:Under 18)
When: 3 months ago
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