ok you may be thrown off by the title because I am pissed off because I am pregnant. you may think " well you did the deed, so it your fault" but let me tell the story.ok it was a saturday night and me and my boyfriend of 2 years were a chilling with his friends, drinking. well I was drinking he was just eating and talking because he was the designated sober driver. ok I tell him before I start drinking to " look after me, and make sure I get home safe.and that I don't do anything crazy".he agrees and tells me to just have fun. I get totally wasted I mean he had to carry my butt to the car. WE go back to his apartment and I collapse on his bed. I really don't remember the rest of the night but today he just told me that he had sex with me while I was super drunk and NOT just sex but unprotected sex. NOTE that we never have unprotected sex. EVER.until that night.He then later tells me he thinks he may have slipped up.(planted the seed). I am freaking out now.and I am pissed.i know it is half my fault but I am like damn.i told you look after me.i thought after being with you for 2 years I could trust you. you know? I am terrified that I might be preggo.i am even more pissed that he didn't at least tell me the morning after so I could get the pill or something ya know? he just kept it to himself. i am really scared.not only do I not want to have kids anytime soon but I don't even like them.to tell you the truth.id be a horrible mother.I have so many plans that don't include them like going to graduate school, traveling, etc. I don't want my life to end like this.i am so mad.but if I am pregno I don't want to scare him away by yelling at him and stuff. .so I have been trying to keep my cool. ok its been 4 days since the incident.and I don't know what to do .i am really scared.give me some advice.
Update: thanks to all your harsh words. I have decided what I will do now
11 months ago
I only got my wife pregnant, at the moment we decided it, after years of marriage, but before we met three girls, friends, got pregnant and asked me for help. I helped. - 2 months ago
Calm down for me, dear. Count to 10. You have options.
If you are pregnant, you can terminate the pregnancy or you can keep the child. This is a personal decision that nobody will be able to decide for you.
What would I do? I would terminate the pregnancy since it sounds like you are not in a good position to care for a child. Right now, the "child" inside of you is not even 1 millimeter in length. It's just a bundle of cells. It has no brain, no ears, no eyes, no heart, no fingers, no toes.
There are so many things you need to accomplish for yourself, I'd say, from age 18-28 and let's keep it real: a child is going to completely change the course of your life. If I somehow got a girl pregnant, I would FREAK OUT and beg her to end it.
As for your boyfriend, ugh. That's pretty messed up.
You are right but I mentioned it......as a possibility and he asked " why would you do that" as if he is completely against it...............i am not completely sure if I am preggo or not .........but if I am and I do choose to go through with it.......i don't think I am going to tell him - 11 months ago
Not much you can do but wait. You could try to figure out how far along into your cycle you were when he had unprotected sex with you but it isn't always guaranteed so you need to wait and see if you miss your period.
. and being pregnant is not the end of the world as you have choices these days.
Lastly, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship as I may come from a different school of thought but boyfriend or not, he clearly violated your trust. You may want to also to re-consider the amount of alcohol you consume or perhaps stop when you feel your mind getting cloudy as ultimately you have to look out for yourself since your friends, and boyfriend, don't seem to.
HEY there don't worry about it that much my sister got pregnant at 16 and that didn't stop her she is in college owns 3 cars and a home and is only 18 now so don't give up or nothing like that just look at it as anew start and start preparing for When the time comes. Just push ur self and don't worry about it I think we all guys do what he did at least once that doesn't mean he don't care about you
Again, I think you also missed the comment on " I don't like kids" .......i really dont' want to spend 18 ++years raising one........ for me that is ultimate torture...........i may sound cruel but ......contrary to belief not all women want to get married and have a truck load of kids. - 11 months ago
That is rape hunny. I hope you acknowledge that and stop pussyfooting around your asshole boyfriend. If you are as smart as you seem to think you are, if you are as ambitious as you say you are, if you have worked hard to be where you are, why won't you realise that you have been raped, and dump his ass before he causes you more grief.
And my first thought reading this was that he may have meant to try and get you preggers
1) He was sober. 2) You were too incompacitated to refuse. 3) He didn't tell you until it was too late for plan B.
More importantly, understand that you were bloody RAPED. Your boyfriend can be placed in jail. I suggest you press charges.
But no... you're more concerned about "getting fat". Not that your boyfriend is a rapist. I wish you luck... you look like you're heading down a path of self-destruction.
UH Can we say DATE RAPE - I agree you don't need a kid. butthere is also people that are begging for kids. Your Boyfriend is TRASH, and I think I would be real concerned that he did this. its creepy. and ignorant. I wish you the best. I would TELL him then I would tell him a lot more ...
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but your boyfriend, knowing you were incapable of making a decision, can be seen as having raped you.
"Whoever . knowingly causes another person to engage in a sexual act by threatening or placing that other person in fear (other than by threatening or placing that other person in fear that any person will be subjected to death, serious bodily injury, or kidnapping); or engages in a sexual act with another person if that other person is incapable of appraising the nature of the conduct; or physically incapable of declining participation in, or communicating unwillingness to engage in, that sexual act."
this is taken from the US code. I'm not saying you should press charges, but you definitely need to reevaluate your relationship with this guy. he not only had sex with you when you were incapacitated, but he possibly got you pregnant. this doesn't seem like a healthy relationship, but you are the one that needs to decide this for yourself.
also, I understand not wanting to have a child at your age. I don't want to get pregnant either. that's why I took it into my own hands and take birth control pills. that might be something worth looking into in the future, because condoms are only effective around 85% of the time. if you are pregnant, and decide to have an abortion, look into counseling for it. you may find it harder to go through with than you thought, and there are people out there that can help you out.
hopefully I've been helpful, and please please see that your boyfriend did treat you terribly and that he may not be someone you want in your life.
Your question is seriously concerning. More so for your reaction and the situation then for being pregnant.
I agree that you shouldn't raise a child just after reading your email. You aren't really worthy of it and I'm surprised you want to go to graduate school? You aren't really seeming that smart in this post.
Regardless, you may not be pregnant - which is hopefully the case. If you are though, you can consider giving the baby up for adoption (I know this would mean you actually doing something unselfish and good for someone else). Also, I don't think they just hand the morning after pill out to anyone so the chances of getting it the next day would have been very slim - I think that mostly rape patients get them at the hospital - which is by all accounts what happened here - you were a rape victim because you don't remember sex with your boyfriend and he knowingly took advantage of you while you were passed out.
Besides all that - you are afraid to yell at this guy? The guy who had sex with you unprotected and without your consent and knowledge? That is absolutely nuts. You don't yell at this guy and he'll be trying to get you drunk every weekend to take advantage of you. You frankly can press charges against him if you wanted to. What if he had HIV and had unprotected sex with you - would you consider it then? If it wasn't just a baby, but also possible a life threatening disease?
Please - just do the right thing. You haven't done or said it so far. And that would be - yell at and dump this boyfriend, stop drinking!, do the right thing if you are pregnant and immediately get smarter about everything!
Excuse me? I am not smart because I dont' want to be pregnant. Just because I don't like kids doesn't make me bad person.....i see why you answered anonymously ....First of all I am not selfish, I am sorry I don't fit into your mood of sadly pathetic women who sit and dream about having kids and being a nurturer. If I don't like kids that my business.....and there is nothing wrong with that. Second of ms. know it all, they do give the morning after pill to people - 11 months ago
Actually some states, predominately within the bible belt, make the process of getting the morning after pill /very/ tedious where you are subjected to interviews with the doctors and other personnel who won't hesitate to brand you with a scarlet letter and then refuse it for you. - 11 months ago
Answerer
It isn't about "liking" kids and certainly no one said she HAD to or need to. It is about being smart enough to raise a child. You stupidly got taken advantage of by your boyfriend. Then you are afraid to yell at him?? That is stupid. And thanks to the person who gave the info on the morning after pill. It is not dispensed like candy or over the counter medication for people to use as birth control for "accidents". It is very serious and takes a toll on your body. - 11 months ago
Question Asker
Thanks.......i will get the abortion - 11 months ago
Hey don't listen to these douche bags. you got completely taken advantage of. I would at least break up with him if not press charges. though I really don't think an abortion is a good idea, the poor kid doesn't deserve it. (I was an accident and am sure glad I got born) just think about it first, you can't take that back - 11 months ago
If you're sure that you are preggo, then try going for adoption. You might want to have an abortion but that would be killing a beating heart. And plenty of couples can't get pregnant so try getting an agent who can look for a couple who will want your baby. And you can even choose the couple who will raise your baby, and you guys might have an agreement that will allow you to see your baby every now and then
I think you missed the comment on " I don't like kids"..........i really don't want to carry one either......i am not saying that I am getting an abortion......but I don't want to get fat for a kid I don't want........harsh but I am just being real. - 11 months ago
You are rude and selfish - "not harsh or real". This therefore makes you stupid! This is another person suggesting to you to consider alternatives and all you think about is getting fat? You already have a fat inflated opinion of yourself (including that you THINK you are so intelligent) - so what does it matter? You should just talk about this with a doctor as soon as possible. - 11 months ago
Trust me you do not wanna b pregnant. I'm about 2 turn 17 in a week and I already have a 1 year old daughter named thalia. its not fun I can't go out with friends. go to parties. and I had 2 change my whole plans 4 the future. I wanted 2 go to college in new york. but I can't because I have 2 take care of my baby. you better hope ur not pregnant. take a pregnancy test and go 2 the doctor. and ur boyfriend iz really stupid 4 having un protected sex with you especially wen you didn't even know. he probably wanted 2 get you pregnant. I think u should think twice about him
Oh I knew I didn't want to be pregnant before I started dating.........and I can only imagine what you go through on a daily basis.......no offense but I see that as ultimate torture and never want to experience it............but you are a brave woman though - 11 months ago
This is for the Question Asker - Food for thought, if you are that convinced that you never want to have any kids then I would suggest considering many of the medical alternatives to reduce the chances of getting pregnant... At least it is one less worry especially if you like to party and are certain about not having kids. - 11 months ago
Question Asker
Thanks I will look into some alternatives.......never thought about til now..... - 11 months ago
First off, are you on birth control, because if you are, you can turn off the crazy switch in your mind, it's over 99% effective alone. If you are not on b.c. seriously, breath.its not likely that you are pregnant from that one encounter, plus your not going to know until you take a test anyways ( the first response one, can tell you four days b4 your first missed period) so try to chillax. I am saying this out of past experience, I know how stressful thinking your pregnant can be- it totally consumes you, until you know. Personally I would be mad at him too, because he wasnt drunk he should have made the right decision about wearing a dome, if you guys always do. If you have never had unprotected sex b4- he took advantage of you, and put your future in jeopardy. I would tell him you need to have a serious talk (this should scare him, haha) But really let him know that the fact he would do something so wreckless really makes you question the way you feel about him. Tell him you need him to apologize and promise never to do that again, because you are not willing to risk it. Sometimes you really just need to reaffirm boundaries in relationships, and this is one of those times. Good luck chica, and don't freak out too much, tell yourself your not pregnant- it will help
First off,Are you sure your pregnant? Next tell your Parents so they can help you.That's what parents are for.Don't get mad at your boyfriend just talk to him.And you will not be a horrible mother.Tell your parents so they can help you.
I don't have my parents in my life..............i work hard to get where I am .......and now it is all crumbling apart............i am still trying to take care of myself.......how am I suppose to take care of a child - 11 months ago
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