This guy and I have been good friends since we were twelve. We liked each other in high school but nothing happened, we were just too young or too good of friends. Also, it was a really small school and there was a lot of pressure for us to get together hooked up ( just making out, no sex) after graduation but he wanted an open relationship since I was going to school out of state. He said another time another place and he wanted to keep in touch. He thought I was pressuring him too much back then. I tried to break it up so we wouldn't be stuck. He said we should stay friends and he keeps in contact, I've made it a rule not to get flirty again because he has a girlfriend. Usually, I don't initiate the emails or instant messages. He's often not as open if I initiate them anyway. The problem is he always has and continues to hint, nothing concrete, like we will have a future together, we've talked about a house and kids!. It's 5 years later and he still keeps in contact, he's had a girlfriend for two years but now he's asking me not to leave the west coast for graduate school. He always said he wasn't sure about us because he' s busy being pre med. He's had other girlfriends but they have never affected our relationship. School and career goals are important to both of us. Of course, I date other people and have continued to go to school and travel.
I don't know if he's just stringing me along by hinting that we might have a future or if he really means it. We are good friends and he doesn't want to end that, we talk about almost everything. Even though I date I haven't found anyone who made me forget about him. I can easily see us having a life together. He hints that he wants to wait until he's done with medical school to see if it could work between us. He always said he couldn't think about a real relationship while in school. I'm not going to sit around and wait but I don't know if I should just ignore him because we have a lot of history, we get each other, we want the same things out of life, and we can't seem to let each other go, we IM a few times a month. I'm not the kind of person who gets hung up on a guy, but I have a connection with him that I've never had with anyone else, if he didn't feel it too why else would he stay in contact all these years? I haven't told him how I feel since high school and we don't have a physical relationship. Is he a waste of time or could he really be serious about getting together after school? Can he really date other girls for fun and wait to date me because he really cares or am I just his safety net?
Lots of girls like him, he's dated a few but he's not really a player, I don't think. We trust each other but I don't know how smart or realistic it is to even think he might really want a future. Most people think we would be good for each other, even our families. Usually, I think if he's not willing to be in a relationship now, he's not that into you, but now I just don't know.
If he's with another girl and is not willing to leave her for you, that tells you one thing- You are #2.
If he really liked you, wanted to be with you, and thought it would no doubt work out then he wouldn't string you out like that. He'd respect you enough to let you know one way or the other.
Sounds like he's being selfish. Sounds like he wants to see how his relationship with his girlfriend works out before he lets you go, and that you're the backup should he fail. He's selfish because he's putting his own needs before your own.
Unless you have a ring on your finger, then I would encourage you to do what YOU want to do. Waiting for him to make up his mind is prolonging your time at happiness (and some other lucky guy's happiness).
It's up to you whether you want to stay on hold until he figures out what in the hell he wants.
You're probably right, I just don't know if I can end it.....or go back to him if he ever wants to. I know things aren't right now, I'm just not sure if I should end all contact with him or not. - 4 months ago
Answerer
"or go back to him if he ever wants to"
What about what YOU want? Remember, he's in it for himself and not you. If he were in it for you, he'd be with YOU and not HER.
You have to do what makes YOU happy. The longer you wait for this guy, the longer you wait for happiness. The longer you wait you are missing out on opportunity after opportunity with men that will love you for who you are and will make you happy.
There are millions of us men out there waiting. Why are you? - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Well, I'm not really waiting because I am dating other people and I'm pretty sure my "friend" doesn't know I still like him. By the way there are a lot of strange people in the dating world, finding someone you actually like is hard. I always do what I need/want, that's why I said I don't know if I want to be with him. Somewhere in my mind, I still want to know if he will grow up because I care about him. It's not like I'd go running to him the minute he asks, he's my # 2 also. - 4 months ago
Answerer
A.) Calm down. You asked a question online, and you're gonna get answers you may not agree with.
b.) "that's why I said I don't know if I want to be with him. Somewhere in my mind, I still want to know if he will grow up because I care about him"
And that's why I said you need to consider moving on. Yeah, you may be dating, etc, but I don't think you've really moved on until you have answered that question for yourself.
All of us have loved and lost. Getting over it is a life skill - 4 months ago
Question Asker
You're right and I'm not disagreeing with you, just clarifying. I actually appreciate your answer. - 4 months ago
It sounds very deep, but I think you may want to come to a place, in your mind, where this person is not so important to you. He sounds like he is still in the decision phase, which means he not sure. What if he decides that your not what he's looking for. That leaves a void that no one can fill and wasted years. It takes time to readjust your thinking but in the long run it may save you some grief.
Let him go! He is not worth your time. As nonyabiz2002 noted-YOU ARE #2. When your #2 your not the priority in his life. Your his back up plan and he knows you'll be around no matter what just like you have been doing. He doesn't see this friendship the way you do. They way he's playing you suggests that he thinks that you want more and that he's got you right where he wants you.
Give him an ultimatum. Either he be serious about you or stop messing with your head. If you want to be friends there is nothing wrong with that but right now it seems your friendship is a blurr. There is no fine line between your friendship and a relationship.
Who cares what everyone thinks. So what if all think your good for eachother. That doesn't define what is in his heart and what he is doing to you.
its hard to say. he might just want you to stay there because then he will have you if all else fails. still you could be right.he might just date for fun and then once he is done with what he wants to do he will be more serious about relationships and he will have that with you.
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