Is it harder to find someone when you are looking?

This is so true!! It's kind of mysterious in a way. I'm a 23 year old, and normally I always dress really nicely, cologne, hair groomed, the works!! But there was this one time that I just wanted to "take out" some food from the restaurant. I thought okay, it's only gonna take 10 minutes or so and was too lazy to look good... so I just threw on some track pants, and an extra large shirt, my hair was all over the place since I just woke up and my face was half chaped and flakey since I didn't put any cream on and it's very dry in Canada. I didn't even brush my teeth!!! But like I said, when you least expect it I talked to this really cute girl that was working at the restaurant, and somehow I just fell in love with her and the same with her too! After that we talked everyday and hung out! Although it only lasted a couple months and we're not together anymore, I just wanted to prove that it DOES come when you least expect it.

Right now, after the break up, my heart was torn in pieces and am desperately trying to look for another girl but it doesn't seem like I have any luck once so ever, it feels like I'm not meeting any girls at all, and it just makes me feel worse!! It's really hard to explain! Guess I better stop looking again!

It's sort of like Zen...Think about it, set some steps to help your search day by day...then let go...let it be...it will find you... you just have to be in a position so it can get to you...be active but have a none attached attitude...don't worry about, it that's what it wants you to do...instead let it worry about weather you are worried about it.

Just be aware that what has created everything wants only that which is best things for you...nothing can stand in the way of that...if you let it.

Interesting question, and for me, I have found the one when I was open to the possibility of finding her, not necessarily when I was specifically, and actively looking for one. But yes, first I had to define what was it that I wanted in a girl, just like you define what you want in a goal.

For example, there are lots of pretty good looking girls out there. But some of the characteristics I wanted the girl to have were a high intelligence level, a strong character, high morals, etc. However, not all of those good looking girls out there had a strong character, nor all of them had a high intelligence level etc..

So first, like a goal, I had to define what was it I wanted, in a girl, and then also, what was it I wanted in a relationship. Once I had these clearly defined, I kept my eyes and ears open for girls that met my 'standards', and I also made myself available to date. For example, I joined social networks, I went out to many different activities hoping to increase my chance of meeting people, and hell, I even told my friends what I was looking for.

However, even with all those activities I did to specifically 'find the one' , I never found what I was looking for, but as you can see, I was actively looking.

Eventually I found the one when I least expected it: Once I was having an argument with this woman about politics at the bookstore, and after a few months of talking about different subjects, if finally dawned on me that I liked this person. Now, when I originally met the person, yes, I was open to meeting people, but I didn't go to the bookstore to specifically find somebody. And at the time we met, I was more concerned with my life at work, than with finding the right person, yet, I came across the right person, when I wasn't devoted to this purpose alone, of finding the right person.

So I think as long as you keep yourself open and you know what you want, then eventually, you'll come across the one. :)

Every time I really forget about having a boyfriend.. I get one.

I don't know why but it seems to work because I think its more attractive when guys aren't looking for a girlfriend because they are more friendly and they don't want anything from you.

I have heard it a thousand times over and never believed it until my most recent boyfriend (we've been together for almost a year now) -- I wouldn't say I was fresh out of a break up (about three months) and I was out with friends watching the NCAA Basketball tournament after work. I was going to have a glass of wine and go home...that was it. Then he walked up and asked me if I liked the game, who my team was, etc and BAM! We were together everyday after that and very much in love...

As far as it kind of being a goal --- yes you have to make it a goal within yourself, to sit down and really think about what you want in a partner and what you want from yourself once you're in a relationship...that takes time and usually the best time to reflect on emotions of that kind are while you're by yourself (single). However, I also feel that the "goal" can be applicable to the person you "find" as well....So you have found him....then what? Everything is just peachy for 50 years to come?? Not likely....but remember the goal you had whenever you were re-evaluating what you wanted out of a relationship and what you wanted to put into one? It's no different when you're 5 years down the road with the person that you met and chose to pursue.

My advice, don't necessarily get involved with every person you meet....but keep your options open and keep yourself available -- a "likely candidate" may turn out to be a not-so-likely one and vice versa.


Good luck!!! =)

I think it is very true. I think when they say this, it means that basically you find someone when you least expect it. When you stop looking and start to focus on yourself and figure yourself out, that's when it hits you. I think having a goal and wanting to find someone are a little different. Having a goal means working toward something, but how do you necessarily work toward finding someone? I get that they are both dreams though. I found my guy when I wasn't really looking though!

I met both of my past relationships, which were long, not even remotely looking for someone. I had gone out for a girls night for the first one, sure enough met my future husband, and future Ex.. The second one I went to a house warming party of all places. Met him and stayed with him for 7 years. I wasn't looking for anyone at the time and swore off men.

I think, that the main problem in this situation is that when you search for the one - you have specific ideas as to which characteristics the person should have, like how tall he should be, what kind of eye colour he should have, the voice, his humour, his intelligence-level, communication skills, the annual income etc.

In that way you limit yourself to one specific target-group, which may make it harder for you compromise, knowing that you want your next relationship to be a committed, serious one. I hope this makes sense...

Good question btw.