Anonymous User

BF is busy or just don't care?

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Anonymous User (Age:Under 18)     When: 4 months ago
Category: Relationships

I just recently got into a relationship, but I'm starting to wonder what I really am for this guy.
I met him through a mutual friend and he added me on Facebook. He spent three weeks bothering me several times a day to go out with him, to meet up with him, to go for coffee, anything really. At first I found him incredibly annoying, but I gave in at last. So... the thing is, I kinda fell for him.
After a week or two of going out and hanging out he urged me to change my Facebook status to be "in a relationship" with him. I did, because I felt like it would be OK. But one week later he suddenly wanted it to be private.
He tells me every time I see him that he loves me, but he won't call us bf/gf. Still he wants the relationship to be exclusive. He used to text me all the time and talk to me while he was working and stuff. But now he just seems to not care at all. He doesn't even care to say good morning back if I text him good morning sometimes. I know he's busy with his business and such, but I feel sidetracked and confused and I continuously demand clarity and information.
He says that he's not ready to be "official" yet, but he was the one who wanted to in the first place?
Why does he keep telling me he loves me, when I'm obviously not a priority?
And why do I have to be exclusively his when I'm not even his gf? (anymore?)
So, half the time I'm the most important thing in the world, and half the time I don't even exist?
What the hell does my "BF" want from me?!

I'm sorry if this is hard to read, I'm a bit emotional and just letting it all out here.


3000 characters left  Anonymous
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Best Answer

TheDigitalSaint
28579  
4 months ago
You need to talk to him in person. Be clear, if you want an exclusive relationship with me, that means boyfriend and girlfriend, not some status stuck somewhere in between. Tell him, if he's too busy to communicate as much as you do in return, or that he doesn't think he has time to make it official, that you're not going to fault him, but that you can't be in a relationship like that, as it doesn't feel that both parties are giving it their all. Be prepared to walk away. If he doesn't agree to call it boyfriend and girlfriend, and put more effort into the communication, just tell him no hard feelings, I liked you at one point, but I honestly can't have a halfway relationship. It is time for me to move on. Then stop contacting him and find a new guy.

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  • Answerer
    4 months ago
    To sumarize:

    1. Ask him if he doesn't like the idea of relationships, or if he thinks that it is a time commitment issue.
    2. If he's not crazy about relationships, just run, now.
    3. If it is an issue of time, work on making your schedules compatible. That must coincide with him being open with his communication and also going along with boyfriend/girlfriend status.
    4. Anything less than what I said in number 3 will leave you feeling unhappy. Don't demand, but state your concerns CLEARLY.
  • Question Asker
    4 months ago
    I guess you're right...
  • Answerer
    4 months ago
    The status thing makes no sense if you're already both agreeing to not see other people. If you're exclusive, you should be bf/gf. If he thinks that means you have to spend more time together and he honestly doesn't have the free time to do so, then you need to communicate to him that you don't expect him to spend every minute with you, just talk with you more over the phone/text. If he refuses to be VERY SPECIFIC as to why he can't be boyfriend/girlfriend now, then it is time to move on.
  • Question Asker
    4 months ago
    Exactly. All I want is to be something or someone to him. He says he can't handle the "status thing" right now.
  • Answerer
    4 months ago
    A bit more time to call you his girlfriend? Why does he need time to do something so simple if he loves you? It makes no sense. It isn't like you gave him an ultimatum to marry you.
  • Question Asker
    4 months ago
    Well, I've been telling him all the time and he keeps saying "i just need a bit more time. I promise, it'll all be good soon" ... Don't know what to make of that.
  • Answerer
    4 months ago
    Only if you say it in an angry way. If you say it in a way that isn't pouty or comes off as "you're such an insensitive jerk!" to him, he's going to get defensive. If you keep calm, look him in the eye and say it like you mean that you honestly would like to be with him more, but that to you, being with him means certain things that you're currently not getting, that's what it is going to take. How you deliver it matters!
  • Question Asker
    4 months ago
    Isn't that a bit harsh?

What Guys Said

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What Girls Said

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    Anonymous User
    N/A  
    Anonymous User
    4 months ago
    Did you have sex yet?

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    • Answerer
      4 months ago
      He doesn't see you as relationship material anymore, you gave it up too soon and too easily. Give yourself a 6 month rule or something next time. Make the guy work and wait.
    • Question Asker
      4 months ago
      He has plenty to chase. I promise.
    • Answerer
      4 months ago
      Ah that's probably why. You gave it up too soon, he now has nothing to chase
    • Question Asker
      4 months ago
      About a month and a half.
    • Answerer
      4 months ago
      A pretty valid question lol how long have you been dating?
    • Question Asker
      4 months ago
      What kind of question is that? Of course we did!
 
   
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Is there a minimum number of previous long-term relationships needed before marriage?
Anonymous User asked 23 hours ago

At least 1, you'd shouldn't dedicate your life to the first person you meet

At least 2, you know you won't settle for just anyone

3 or more, to figure out what you like and what you don't

There is no magic number, but you should experience a breakup before marriage

No, if the partner is everything you've imagined as the perfect one, then go for it!