Depressed Boyfriend, What do I do?

There are certain tough spots for those who are born in the 1980s, age 22/23 is one of them. Do you remember yourself going through a similar phase when you were his age ? Querying life purposes and feeling trapped when answers don't show up right away ?

This phase will pass and the depression will be gone. If that's what your boyfriend is "working on", tell him his turmoils will end in about a year's time. He is supposed to take this opportunity to figure out, clearly, what he wants for this life. If you have gone through something like that, your experience may be of help to him. Yet, he has to walk the path himself. It is his life. You can't carry him on your back and does the walking for him in a situation like this.

Your heart's in the right place, but this guy doesn't need to talk to you about his problems. He needs to:

a) talk to a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and

b) get out of the house so he can try new things and meet new people.

c) talk to you about what went *good* in his life, that was because of his choices or behavior.

If he's not willing to do those things, I think you should reconsider if he's a good match for you. b) and c) are the only things you (possibly) have any power over. Try dragging him outdoors and to new places. A walk around the block is a good start.

c) is good training for a). When he starts complaining, politely say, "I know you've got a lot of problems, but I want to hear about what you did right today." Depressed people are often stuck in a negative, pity party, poor-me, nothing-goes-my-way mindset. I've been there, for months and years.

If he can learn to look at the positive in life -- even in small ways -- it's a change for the better. He can't say "the weather was good," because that's out of his control. He has to say, "I washed the dishes today" or "I walked around the block twice." The beauty of this simple trick is that it gets you *looking* at small ways to improve your life and take responsibility for your choices.

You are very welcomed, glad it makes sense for you.

"...he is questioning the future but the things he wants for us are not what I want, maybe its time to call it a day, I can't help him get through it if I don't feel the same!"

Some of us have people around that don't share our goals in life, or once they did, but now they don't. The question is "What we do in such a situation ?" My answer would be, "Stick with what you want. Nobody knows what is best for you other than yourself". Similarly, you don't know what is best for anyone else on this planet other than themselves.

If you don't call it a day, time will. When two people's vibrations are different, sooner or later, they will drift apart, naturally. Resistance will only cause agonies.

Wow this is the EXACT situation my female friend was in, She tried to help him for like 2 years, But he was so unhappy with his reality that he burried himself in computer games. She tried hard to stand by him but at the end of the day he did not want to help himself and soon games were EVERYTHING to him, I don't blame him...The games provided a great distraction from his life, But he did not even try to fix his life. The deeper he got into his games, The less she mattered to him, or the less he seemed to care. The end result - She realised that although she loved and wanted to help him, Her life mattered too and it must have been hard but she had to dump him. Since then he's started to pick himself up, mayeb it was a wake up call...who knows. I'm not telling you to do the same, Just sharing my friends experience.

Remain true to yourself, resist being dragged into a depressive state because that is very easy if you are near any depressive person. Explain to him that you are maintaining your happy vibrations not to create a contrast, but you are doing that so that he can catch on to those vibrations, and if you get depressed as he is, it only means that two people instead of one needs help.

Do you mind telling the age of your boyfriend ?

I'm not a shrink and I know nothing about the origin(s) of his depression.
Get him as active as possible: the good season is starting: get him on the move outside where he will get lots of light: active sports will never hurt him. You both together or in a club. Occupy his mind : better a ball game than long distance running.

Sorry to say but there is nothing else you can do apart from be there for him, show him how much you care and love him. The rest he has to figure out and deal with him self. Depression is quite common and every one comes through it and things do get better. He can not see that now but he will see that soon.

Just be positive when you are around him, have fun together, do things he likes to do and you both enjoy and this will help him take his mind off things and deal with it. I am sure that he will realise that he needs professional help but its something he will do in his own time.

I have been through depression my self and it is horrible and very hard to see the positive side of things. I stuggled to talk to anyone and was scared and never thought positive. After a time I realised I needed professional help and I got it and I'm fine now.

Im sure he will be fine, just carry on being a great girlfriend and supporting him like you are.