He might be serious, and only you know whether he is worth waiting for or dealing with the untraditional situation. But the important thing is that you guys are honest with each other, and keep your options open if he is involved with the other person.
Thanks James. We had that talk last night. I don't want to be the one looking like a fool. - 10 months ago
Answerer
I hope it all turns out the way you want it to. It is easy for people to say dump him or run, but things are not always black and white. Some relationships happen in unusual ways, and to discount it because it didn't happen the way our parents met might be a mistake. But protecting your heart is the important thing. I hope you will keep me posted on how things turn out, and thanks for the Best Answer Vote... that is sweet. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
I totally agree with what you are saying...I mean a lot of what people were saying is true (that's what my mind is saying). I was in a 9 year relationship with a guy and he cheated on me and I know what the other side is like, but at the same time..."you can't help who you fall in love with". He has been trying to get away from this person for a while now. She's not working now so everything is postponed (as far as his original plan). I don't know its a difficult situation. - 10 months ago
Just because you love someone doesn't mean you're powerless to decide if you want them in your life. Kinda like just because you want to hit a cop who gives you a speeding ticket, you're not powerless to stop yourself. - 9 months ago
How do you come to that conclusion. I have been very vague in my question... - 10 months ago
Answerer
Here's my reasoning:
You wrote, "I am seeing a guy who is involved in a live in relationship." I interpreted your sentence to mean you're dating/sleeping with a guy who also has a live-in girlfriend.
If he's got a live-in girlfriend, and he's also seeing you, that means he's making time with two girls.
If he's making time with two girls, he is a two-timer, and he's jerking both girls around. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Okay how (if you were in my shoes) would you handle this situation. Together for a year, seriously for the past 4 months. what would you say and what would you do? - 10 months ago
Answerer
Were I in your shoes, I'd walk away and forget this guy. He's proved that he's unfaithful, inconsistent, and unwilling to commit as a mature, responsible adult.
And even if you became his #1 and lived with im, wouldn't you worry that he'd find a new #2 to fill your shoes?
What he *says* does not matter -- what he *does* proves his true nature. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Okay all this said ... what if he is not your "typical" shady two timer....what then? - 10 months ago
Answerer
Why are you making excuses for him? - 10 months ago
Question Asker
I'm not making excuses...just trying to look at all sides of this awful spectrum. - 10 months ago
Answerer
I know you're torn up and confused about this dilemma.
But I can't see that anything good will come out of this. And I don't understand how anyone -- male or female -- with any self-respect would tolerate this behavior.
If your mom, your baby sister, your best friend were in a situation like this, you'd tell her to dump him yesterday and find a man who'll treat her better. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
You are correct... Thanks for the advice. - 10 months ago
What Girls Said
N/A
When: 9 months ago
drop him! if he is in a relationship then he is using you and if he wants more then he has to leave that other girl for you! don't let him have his cake and eat it too.
He probably does love you I cannot predict how he truly feels. If a man/woman loves someone they will go to any measure to prove that. Test him and see if he is actually telling you the truth. How long have you known this person. And if he is seriously involved with someone, why are you even wasting your time. If he loves you as much as he say he does, why is he not with you?
Tell him how you care about him too but that you have to end it unless he breaks up with his girlfriend first. Say, I'm going to have to end this. call me if you break up with her. if not- sry but I'm not going to see you anymore. that's the only way to go really.
Is he willing to drop his rel. with that woman? Also, do you really think he loves you? How? Don't just listen to his words, does he show it from his actions? I would think hard reallll hardddd before taking him in to live with me if I were you. If I really think that he's serious about loving me and he dropped that other rel. then I would take him in. However, be cautious about it. Remember too if he cheat on you or abuse or lie or something like that, you should not taking him back into your life. DUMP HIM IMMEDIATELY. This cycle almost never ends.
If you are dating this guy and he is already in a live in relationship and he does not have any respect for the girl he is already living with, what makes you think that he will have respect for you? I'm sorry but that whole deal about you having his heart is bullsh*t because if that was the case he would not be in that predicament..He would have already ended that relationship and only be with you. He is playing both of you and he lives with her. He is probably telling her exactly the same thing and still sleeping with her. Don't take that seriousley at all.
If he's living with someone else in a relationship, then you shouldn't get involved with him. It sounds like he's unable to commit to one woman at a time, and if he can't commit to his live in, there's no guarantee that he'll be able to commit to you.
Leave this guy behind. You can find someone who's able to commit, who's not already in a relationship.
It sounds to me like he's a pretty good smooth talker to have his live in oblivious to his infidelity, and to have you wondering if you should be taking him seriously.
I just want to know why he hasn't left his girl already? Why keep telling you he is going to leave, why not just do it? Seems a little shady to me. I swear one of the most awkward moments in my life was when my dad's former live in girlfriend (the other woman in my parents marriage) came by our house to cry on my mom's shoulder because he'd left her for someone else. I wish I could say that was the only two times that happened. My dad is definitely not good at commitment. Here is the thing...people can fall out of love, but why not break up before they move on. The fact that he is still holding on to his other girl and stringing you along...well that just isn't a good sign..
The live in is not working now ... he doesn't want to leave her in a bind. Plus I'm not telling him to come on in! I have told him that I haven't learned all of him yet. So I feel I am staying guarded. which isn't good, but it's what I have right now. - 10 months ago
I think no matter what we say, your still gonna see him. Your so hopeful that things will change and he'll be with you. You so hope that we are wrong and that those doubtful feelings are wrong that you are having right now. I know. I been there and you know what, you've been warned. So whatever happens from this point, is on you. Enjoy it while you can.
You may have his heart but you don't complely have the rest of him. If he truly loves you he will move out from girlfriend #1 and be with you. Never share a man...
Yep. Never. We all deserve to be #1. - 10 months ago
N/A
When: 10 months ago
First you need to let him go and tell him he needs to figure out what he truly wants, on his own. If he comes back he needs to come back ready to be with you and you alone. Secondly, don't forget if he is doing this to his live-in there's a good possibility that you will be her someday.
I have seriously been going over this in my head and came up with the same conclusion. I could be her someday. Any other advice? - 10 months ago
Answerer
The only advise I can give you is this:
If you let him go on his way to figure out what he truly wants and he comes back to you and says that he is ready to commit to a relationship with you and you alone, you must believe him. These things do happen (I know I have been there, so I am speaking from experience) you have to never let that thought creep into any recess of your mind. Times will be great, times will be rough in every relationship... - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Thank you so much. - 10 months ago
Answerer
Your welcome, good luck. These things do happen and not every man is truly out there being a player. Like I said, I too was in the same situation once. He came to me and while I would love to tell you it turned out happily ever after, it didn't. Not because he wasn't serious or because he found someone else but because he died in an accident after we began our lives together. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
I am so sorry to hear that. I hope that you have found the happiness that you had then. I am planning to talk with him tonight and see what is best for me. After I hear his answers. It's gonna be difficult (we work together as well), talk about sticky situations. But thanks again. - 10 months ago
We have been seeing each other for almost a year (in june will be a year). - 10 months ago
Answerer
A year? hmm...maybe he could mean that but he's still with his girl. if he really wanted to b with you, he would have left her a long time since he loves you so much. in most situations like this when you are the other woman, the man is just using you for what he can get on the side and will say things you want to hear to keep you around. His actions aren't showing what he says is really true because he's still with her. How long do you expect to wait? A year is way too long so are you starting to wonder? - 10 months ago
Answerer
He's making promises, right? but nothings happening. I was just like you a couple of months ago. I dated this guy for 7 months who had a live in girlfriend and he made promises to me that he would leave her and that he liked me a lot and would make me his wife one day. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? just what I wanted to hear so that gave me hope but months and months would go by and nothing changed. This kind of stuff usually happen to women who are on the side, hoping that he will leave her for you - 10 months ago
Question Asker
It's really gotten serious these past few months. We didn't go out together or do anything - It just recently got physical - and he says that he is going to leave her. When is the question and what I am pondering. I guess my best thing would be to ask him, huh? - 10 months ago
Answerer
They are not with you to leave there girlfriends. they are with you for what they are lackin in there relationship. Sex is the key and motivation here. oh, yea, he likes you I'm sure your a great woman but he has history with his girlfriend and if he is still with her and you have to start wondering when? there's your answer. he was neer gonna leave her for you unless you have something better to offer him than she does. So what can you offer him or bring to the table? ever thought about that? - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Thanks a lot. Will take all of this in consideration - we are supposed to be going out tonight. But one thing, you say sex is the motivation, we don't have sex every time we get together...we hang out and talk and watch movies, go to friends houses. We are friends before anything. - 10 months ago
Answerer
You deserve a man who can be there for you all the time and I had to get over a guy like yours when I begin to realize that he was just using me and it hurt when my feelings got so deep for him knowing he would not be mine cause too much time was going by and he was still with her. don't you see? Its a game to them. y do you think you've waited for a yr? for what? why is he still with her? The writing is on the wall and it says: He doesn't want 2 be with you seriously. that's y he is still with gf. - 10 months ago
Question Asker
Thank you so much. - 10 months ago
Answerer
My guy and I dint have sex all the time either. he insisted that we be more of friends cause he valued it more but sometimes we did. We went out to movies, bars, and state fair together but doesn't mean he's gonna leave his girl. We make them happy for what thwy are not getting at home and there is nothing wrong with being friends IF you can accept he's still gonna be with his girl. - 10 months ago
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When: 10 months ago
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