Is he just just nieve, controlling or clueless?

You could ask him to do little things for you . Most guys like to feel useful, such as running an errand once in a while . Then if he does that, slowly try to work more things into him .

But if he doesn't go for it, don't be surprised . If he wanted more that what he has now, you probably would have seen it a long time ago .

Be honest. That's the key.

If your guy really likes you, or even loves you, he'll understand. And if not, F-him. He wasn't for you anyway. Always remember, you are the lady. Every real man wants a lady. And not just for sex.

My wife, for example, we wrestle, have snowball fights, we play chess, we always share Sunday breakfast ~ get the picture? Sex is wonderful, but so is true, dedicated, lifelong friendship, that is based on many, many trial-and-error days and nights.

Sorry, I don't fit your age profile, but I felt compelled to respond. He is probably thinking the relationship is going nowhere...at a rather leisurely and comfortable pace. You have been together for 4 years, and you are not living together or engaged and you only have sex once every two weeks? I am surprised he has hung around this long - are you absolutely sure he is not "on the prowl" already? Is he married or have other girls? Do you see each other (like a date or dancing or anything) more than once every couple of weeks? If you don't, then THAT is what you need to do to get him to "put more effort and understanding into other areas of the relationship". It is pretty hard to commit to someone you only see once every 2 weeks. It is kind of like a salesman-customer relationship more than a romance. No games needed. No need to pull sex away - there isn't much to brag about already, and you are already "hard to get". See him more. If it is a distance thing, then you need to both talk seriously about moving closer to each other or discussing if it is even worth it. I know that I would do almost anything to see my woman as much as possible.