I have currently been "dating" my ex boyfriend who, is a really great guy whom I like sooooo so much! But he does not want to be in a relationship right now. I care about him so much, and he isn't big on talking about his feelings, so it feels like the only way he shows his feelings to me is through physical touch and sometimes sex. Problem is, I don't want to have sex with him anymore because I don't want to end up getting used, I think it is wrong(he isn't even my boyfriend! ), AND he does not even want to be committed to me so I don't want to end up really hurt in the end. But every time we hang out, somehow, by the very end of our night, we end up having sex. Again.
How do I stop having sex with him?! It is so good, and I love being close to him and sharing that with him, but I know it will be better to give it a rest. Especially if he doesn't really care about me. How do I know if he cares about me?
That's a toughy. Whenever a couple breaks up, typically it's over something that doesn't have anything to do with the sex. So, each person always misses the sex, even though they don't want the person anymore.
There isn't an easy way to stop, so, you just MAKE yourself stop. In the same way that you would force yourself to stop smoking or stop eating junk food, you stop having sex with him. If this means that you need to avoid seeing him, then that's what you should do. And truth be known, you probably should have tried to stop seeing him some time ago.
If this means you have to slightly alter your routine each day, then try that. Maybe find a hobby to fill in some time.
And don't worry, the next time you have a real boyfriend in your life, the sex will be there again. It's not as if you have to go years without it. ;-)
Yea, MAKE yourself stop, you know, stay away from him and push him away when he gets near you, you know, - 8 months ago
Question Asker
Well, honestly I do not really care about the sex, and I think it would be better for me to go years without it. O! And I did try to get rid of him! I go through this every month where I try to distance myself and not talk to him so I can get over him. But every time I try, he wheels me back in and I melt all over again. We start dating and going out. Then BAM! Back at it again. Lol. I wish I could see him as a friend (cause he is my friend too! ) Without him getting me back in the bed. - 8 months ago
The other guys pretty much summed it up. I'll only add that I think you know quite well how to stop having sex with him, your just confused about your feelings for him. Reach deep down inside to ask yourself what the relationship feels like to you and I think you'll find the right answer. After all, you asked whether you should stop having sex with him so that means your looking for confirmation which is what the guys confirmed for you.
I hope you fall another guy who actually cares and not just want you for the sex. Look, the good guys here - they're not "nice guys", they're just caring, good folks - all know he's just using ya for sex.
There are better guys who can give you better sex. Like myself :D lmao
Lol. Look at you pimping yourself out in my crisis! A MESS! Lol But do you think that it is possible he isn't JUST using me, and that maybe he does care about me but just not want a relationship right now? Because he is cuddler! Even when he knows there is no chance he is gonna get some. Sometimes he does just hold me. Jerky men that use women aren't usually sweet cuddlers are they?! - 8 months ago
Answerer
Men who actually care about you will take things in the light that they're not desperate. If he can't stand the thought of going out with you on 3 dates with no sex, then most likely he doesn't care about you. When you both go out, does he stare at other women's asses/breasts and/or look at other women? - 8 months ago
Question Asker
It isn't that he can't stand the thought of going out without sex, he never asks or is pushy about it or anything like that. Things just happen... WHen we go out I don't notice him checkin out other women. If he looks he always has a comment to say TO me about another girl, about her breast or butt or something( look at her, she has big breasts)... But he looks, makes a comment so that I look, then his eyes move on. He never stares though and he never makes me feel like I'm in competition.. - 8 months ago
Answerer
He seems to be a pretty good guy. Or so you make it seem to be. Cheers ^ ^ - 8 months ago
I think he cares about you - something is going on in his head - perhaps its a fear of relationship failure - maybe he had a bad break-up in the past, and after you two got into an argument, his "fight-or-flight" reflex kicked in.
I'd stick it out with him - don't push him to do anything or explain anything - while your having sex, kiss him - try to make it passionate and loving - I think he will eventually turn around and bells could ring in your future
I don't think it has anything to do with him treating you well. It really deals with he is leaving you on the back burner. You need to stand up for yourself and tell him that this isn't going to be the way that it is going to be. Since it sounds like you can not control yourself I wouldn't see him anymore. He is keeping you around while he is looking for somebody else. How would you feel if the next phone call you got from him, is that he doesn't want you contacting him in any shape or form because he found someone else. I would save myself from the heart ache and get out while you can. I wish the best for you, I have been in your situation except it was with a wife, so I know how you are feeling. Good Luck
As hard as it is to face, he most likely doesn't care about you. If he cared about you, he would be dating you. The fact that you keep hanging around him and seeing him fits right into what he wants. A casual sex buddy that he doesn't have to treat nicely except when he need to clean his pipes. A question I would ask; are you the one calling him and initiate the "hanging out" or is he the one that is calling and wanting to "hang out. " I would be careful, you might want to move on because this guy is using you.
Well he treats me good though. He takes me out to the movies and on double dates with his brother and wife, and I actually don't call much at all anymore, because I don't want to be chasing after any man. He usually calls me up to hang out and chill, or to go to the movies etc. And he was a great boyfriend. Always treated me well and still does now, except for the whole lack of commitment thing. So that is why I'm confused, and I try to move on and stop talking to him but he always wheels me back in. - 8 months ago
Lol that's not a guy showing his feelings. That's a guy using you for sex. The best way to stop doing it, is to realize that he's using you for sex. If he cared about you, he'd commit to you and not just use your body. I know your brain is telling you to stop, and your heart and body are saying keep doing it. But it all starts with your brain. You have to realize that he's using you, it's not right, and he's taking advantage of you. You have to convince yourself that it's over, and have your brain start to take control. Draw some lines that you can't and won't cross. Tell him that you are done doing physical stuff with him. Let him know that it's not even an option.
Well I don't know. He is seriously the nicest man on this planet. He goes out of his way to be nice all of the time and I don't think he would use me on purpose. And he has also tried to not have sex with me, but we always end up doing it anyway so I think he quit trying not too. But my brain is telling me to stop, so I try to But then I want to believe that deep down he does care about me, because it isn't like he comes over and we jump in the sack. We hang out and talk and have fun and then it gets late. - 8 months ago
Answerer
Well he might be a nice guy hun. And I know you care about him. But you shouldn't be having sex with a guy you're not with, whether you dated him or not. It's just not something you should get into. It makes your stock as a single girl go WAY down. I would never go for a girl that does or is doing that. - 8 months ago
Question Asker
Yea I know...:-(... It all just hurts and is way confusing. And trust me, I know it is wrong and this is so against everything I believe in myself. I guess I just justify it because I honestly think I Love him and I would do anything for him. I guess I'm just dumb because in my mind he is practically my bf, because I am completely faithful to him, and I do not nor have I ever slept around... But reality is he isn't my man... So I guess I do know what I should do : '-(... thanx - 8 months ago
Answerer
I know hun, it sucks :o( But see, you're putting yourself in a situation where you slot him above you, and you will do anything to win him back. And he's taking advantage of that. He knows that you are like that, and he's using you. - 8 months ago
Girl I have been down that lane! After 5 years and than dating for two, and than the afterwards. I came to realize, sex is sex, its not really an expressing the feelings, its more hormones that need satisfying! A man has needs, if your giving it to him for free, why should he care, most men love to work for their goods, their medals. Etc. Don't be the used, and reused until something new. Cz no matter how long, or what there was, you got to realize that if he truly cared about you, he wouldn't use you to his advantage, he would respect you a lot more. Sorry to be blunt, but ask any man, he will tell you the same thing.
I've gone through this myself, me and my ex used to have sex whenever we'd either argue or when we were just in the mood, and sometimes guys just don't understand how we want to treat sex, if he cares he will understand. Tell him exactly how you feel, and if he automatically doesn't seem to have any thoughts on it or say anything give some space between you two to let him know you mean business.
Girl, I've got the exact same problem. After we broke up, I took some time away from him. Now we are talking and hanging out again. Hooking up from time to time. He has been nicer to me now than every before. I have no idea what's going on, but it's nice to get a booty call from time to time ;) In my case, I am not so keen on getting back together. He was a great boyfriend and still is a good guy, but. I gotta move on. I think there's better things out there. For right now though, I deserve good sex from time to time ;) Haha.
Situation:-They've been together for 8months-They used to have regular sex for about 3-4 months-They now have 1-2 times a MONTH-She pays for rent, his...
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 8 months ago
