I contend that in our society we are not taught how to have sex. Sure we have sex education in high school where the conservatives would have us believe that you will catch a deadly disease any time you even think about sex. But considering that sex isn't an instinctual knowledge, how did you learn what to do around sex?
I think part of sex is instinctual (though I've never had sex). The idea of where everything goes and the drive to have sex are both instinctual.
As to answer the first part: Where I learned how to have sex. I educate myself, I read through Cosmopolitan and everything as well. I know my boyfriend was a virgin when he met his previous girlfriend. He learned how to have sex from her. He did learn a lot from the Kama Sutra books, but this mainly taught him techniques and positions. Apparently he read and memorized the whole book, lol.
If sexual behavior wasn't instinctual, then animals that grow up without parental care and socialization would quickly become extinct. ;) And before you say that this doesn't apply to humans, the sexual instinct isn't something that could be weeded out by evolution in just the short 8 million years that hominids have been around. Sex has been around for as long as multicellular organisms have been. The drive to have sex and the instinctive knowledge for how to do it is programmed into every living thing that reproduces sexually. Rhesus monkeys that have been reared in isolation still know how to properly mount a female, though it takes them a while to get used to the actual presence of a female before they do so!
Now, that doesn't mean you're going to be good at it just by instinct. While some people may be more naturally talented than others, the only way you get good at anything is through practice or through watching others (i.e. porn). But the actual mechanics of it are pretty much instinctive, I think. I have never had sex and I don't watch porn, but Tab P into Slot V isn't all that difficult to understand. ;P Or for that matter, Tab P and Slot M, or Slot A, or Tab T into Slot V, etc, depending on the genders and desired activity of the participants involved. I have an active enough imagination.
I wasn't saying that we weren't driven to have sex, just how. I think there is a lot of fumbling around and we eventually discover how,but initially there is the drive to have sex and I think that is instinct. - 7 months ago
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(Age:18 to 24)
When: 8 months ago
I disagree . I think it does have a lot to do with instinct . The first time I had sex I didn't tell my boyfriend I was a virgin . Everything I did just seemed to come natural . Although, that could have something to do with feeling completely comfortable with your partner .
But does porn really teach you anything about what is possible. Men with a penis the size of a horse most of us don't have. Statistically, most women don't have orgasm through intercourse. Is porn really teaching that jackhammer sex is the right way. There is so much more to sex and making love I would strongly disagree that porn really teaches someone the best way to have sex. Sure porn does show you some things, but I would argue that it is really not teaching valuable sexual lessons. - 8 months ago
Well I learned from all different kinds of places I would ask anyone about their fantasies and sex lives(im just very outgoing and I am not afraid to ask anything) but the way I really really learned is by my girlfriend I had a girlfriend that was more experienced than I was so she showed me well it wasn't like sex for dummies "put this here" lol but she did show me a couple of things the easiest way to learn about sex watch porn and after that its pretty much just practice lol
That seems like experimentation. If something itches we scratch it. We have hormones that do drive us around our sex center. That's chemical not instinctual. I didn't learn or even think about masturbation until I was about 17 because I didn't instinctual know about it. It took me reading a magazine that mentioned it for me to experiment with it and finally get it. - 8 months ago
Answerer
Instincts describe performing a behavior without being taught. If hormones are driving that behavior, and not any social learning, then it is instinctual. A boy will play with his penis because it feels good. Eventually, as they mature sexually, it will lead to a pleasurable orgasm and the behavior will continue. Our socialization (friends and sex ed) will help us to understand the process and why it feels good, but it's our instincts that started it. - 8 months ago
Question Asker
Good point and thank you for your thoughts. I would argue that instinct is what drives us to select certain types of mates (i. E. For the strength of the gene pool) versus how to have sex. I wonder if a boy were to be completely devoid of human contact if he would learn to masturbate? Would it be instinct that makes him attracted to a woman? If he were to be exposed only to men would he be equally attracted to another man (assuming that there was no societal morality placed on him? - 8 months ago
Answerer
I would have to argue socialization in the selection of mates. Which is why so many guys are going for girls that have the "beautiful look" as defined by society. Or marrying a girl that's "just like mom". A sappy movie I know, but the Blue Lagoon, touches on the topic of masturbation and sex where it is portrayed as instinctual and not learned. As for the male-only society you mention, I don't know. Guys in jail get sexual relief from other guys but that doesn't make them gay. Cheers. - 8 months ago
Question Asker
I'm not sure I give much validation to a movie such as Blue Lagoon on social or evolutionary constructs. I agree that guys in jail get sexual relief from other men while in jail, but they have also been indoctrinated about sex prior to their incarceration. Thanks for the response. - 8 months ago
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When: 3 months ago
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