Why would he say this?

A couple of possibilities here:
Either he meant what he said. Now think, does he have to initiate, ask, beg, or get things going? Do you get things going? If so, how often really?
---or---
He's being honest and he was hurt. It sounds like your sex-life together is one of your biggest connections together and where he can be hurt the most. If this is true (which I think it is), then his response makes sense. Now I didn't say it was very nice. He souhld have been more mature about things, but it does sound like a typical 'guy' reaction.

I'm sure all will be alright. Just try to put it out of your head. Now it this happens again, and he says the same/similar then I would recommend being concerned.

Are you sure it weren't just words and are you sure he did think that the week before and the week after?

Just let him lick your butthole next time.

This is easy: if he dares accuse you of not initiating, do so in a very aggressive manner such that he can never make such an accusation again. Pretty much tie him up an rape him. Sounds like he wants you to really take control. If you are really open to hot sex -- you would do this.

i agree with him that was a low blow. you did hurt his feelings saying that. you basically said he's boring in bed which most men think that's the only way to show affection. if he said you do nothing in bed but lay there would you feel upset. think about let it simmer for minute good. just talk to him about it really there's nothing else you can do and apologize for for god sakes.

First thing that popped into my mind is while YOU feel happy with how your sex life is, that doesn't mean HE does. Typically the sex life of a couple is determined by the person with the slower sex drive (usually the girl, but not always). So while you may feel content with what you have now, he may desire more but is unsure how to express that feeling without looking selfish or starting an argument. Talk to him about it to find out if he truly is happy with your sex life, perhaps he is.

Second, when did you make this "passionless" comment? Was it immediately after (a few minutes to a few hours) sex? If it was immediately after then he probably took it as an attack on his performance (something no guy ever likes to hear) which is why he lashed out at you. But, what he actually said when he lashed out is what lead me to my first point (see above) because of how quickly he arrived at those two points.

You shouldn't have said that to him, Next time you don't wanna have sex , not in the mood etc, just tell him "Hun am not in the mood tonight bUt I promise you tomorrow we gonna make up"
or something like that... Also what he said is not a big deal, just drop it, and have beautiful sex tonight lol.



GoodLuck.

Hey, he thought you meant that he was passionless, when what you meant was that you were. You were sick and, yes, not a great time to have sex because you just are not going to have the energy that you normally would. I think you are holding up your sex-life to a standard that is not realistic. Who "never refuses" sex? This isn't about refusing sex, it is about honest communication. Great relationships are not about hot sex or never saying no. They are about communication and actually being okay if one of you is not in the mood. I love sex and I have my times I am not in the mood. It happens, no biggy. Consider whether you are afraid your guy would not be with you if you were not a fantastic sexual partner, always on.

since you say this hasn't been a problem before you just found out it is a touchy subject for him. he was offended and over-reacted. even if there was any truth in his statement, that he feels he initiates more often than you do, I'm sure he was exaggerating. if the sex was that awesome then you can feel certain he doesn't really think those things. if he doesn't make a practice of saying hurtful things then maybe you should forgive him and get past this.

tell him you didn't mean HE was passionless, but that YOU couldn't let loose like normal because you couldn't breathe real well and ur were achy.

i had a similar issue with my ex, its a shame because the moment he said it for the first time it made me feel so bad that it turned me off sex a little.

If you ask me your man is spoiled rotten when it comes to sex, and the moment you say you're not up for it he has a tantrum.

You never tell your boyfriend the sex wasn't good! NO MATTER WHAT. It hurts his ego...and we all know guys love their ego's!

Pornos are stupid. Why would you want sex like that? Give me a classy sex scene from a regular film any time.

One idea: When you lose your cold, go initiate sex with him.

Get past it. If your sex life and relationship are as good as you say, this was nothing but a stupid fight caused by using the wrong words -- on both ends. You hurt by what he said but remember, he is hurt by what you said too. I sincerely believe he retaliated just to get back at you. He didn't mean it. He was just thinking of what would get you upset since you upset him. Your relationship sounds way too good for this to cause a problem. Tell him you're sorry and move on! Do you know how many of us out there would like a relationship like you have?! Be grateful. Get back to where you were. Good luck.

I think how you perceive something is not how he is perceiving it. You know how a woman will say 'Do you still love me?" And what she means is "You never tell me, so I want to hear the words." But a guy hears "Show me that you love me." So he responds with "I'm still here aren't I?" She wants to hear him say it, he thinks words me nothing. The fact that he is still around is his love.

I think that might be what is happening here. You are convinced some how that you are the initiator of the sex. Maybe because at 8 at night you are the one who snuggles up and coos in his ear thinking that that is his cue. But in his mind, he is the one that has to respond to that and actually get sex going. So to him, the fact that he starts it is the initiating. Obviously I don't know your relationship so I'm not saying that is exactly how you do it, but I think there are some signals getting crossed. You think you are the one asking and he thinks he is.

I don't think you need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. He didn't say he hated your sex life. He said that he doesn't think you initiate sex. So, like you saying 90% of the sessions are hot, he is saying 90% of the sexual issues are great. He just wishes you would instigate more. And by that I mean, instigate the way he does.

But I think he was being completely honest when he said he was hurt and that's why he said it. It may be a minor issue that got blown up. Maybe he initiated 3 days in a row and it was getting to him. But whatever it was, he was extremely hurt by what you just said. I like sick sex too but what I realize is, you are kind of having a different kind of sex. You are kind of telling the guy "These moments with you might make me feel better". So it isn't just normal sex. If you go at it with that mentality, he feels a little pressure to make you feel good physically and emotionally. So when you said "passionless" it probably killed him. He probably felt a lot of pride or happiness that he could help you but he was told that it was a waste of time for you. You may have been thinking something different. You're tone may have not been critical. But if a guy says "You look really fat in that!" in a happy, non critical tone, doesn't it still hurt?

I think you should do two things 1) Figure out how he acts when he wants sex and then repeat that back. If he grabs you, then you grab him when he wants sex. If he actually says "I want sex", when you want sex, say those same words back. Even if you feel you do all that, just figure out how often you have sex and make sure you are asking half the time. 2) Let this go. It is only going to hurt you both. You are blessed to have something so rare, as you put it. Realize how great it is that you have a guy that when he blows up, it is so rare, it shocks you. That is a good sign.

Relationships are just figuring out the other persons language. So we can try to become fluent in theirs or be hurt that they didn't understand ours.

The more I read other people's comments and yours I feel this isn't really a big deal. just apologize and tell him why you said "passionless" and say it's JUST because you were sick and has nothing to do with his performance if that's what he's thinking. And if his comment hurt you and you "can't have amazing sex anymore" just move on if he's telling you he didn't really mean it and just needed to hit you back with something. people say hurtful things when they're mad. and you hurt his feelings. just let it go lol and continue on with ur sex life

come off it. I think if that is your biggest fight you are truly blessed. And come on, you did kinda insult him even if that isn't what you intended. Just let it be and continue to have amazing sex!