I am asexual. Should I kill myself?

You're not asexual. You just think because you don’t get hot every time you see cleavage you must be abnormal. Common! If women’s charms were candy we’re all puking wishing for just some simple fair meat and potatoes. I think our society is so hyper sexed that it’s possible to just get burnt out and bored with sex. I swear I could see a stark naked athletic guy and just think "huh. wow, he's really fit...probably works out...damn I forgot to go running last night...should probably do that." Nothing! really nothing.
But never despair! I believe you have two misconceptions, which once cleared up will show that you don't have a problem at all!
You said "what kind of girl would date a guy who doesn't want to f*** her?"…are you serious! Tons! There’s a lot out there who really just want to talk, cuddle, and hold hands until they're married. And yeah, while the honeymoon can be wild, women generally get along with a lot less sex throughout marriage than guys. Women's hormones don’t push them to have sex the way testosterone does. Also birth control lowers a woman's sex drive. Actually, that women need a lot less sex to feel close throughout marriage than men is a huge point of contention in marriages today. Any marital book will have a chapter telling women to have sex more for the sake of their husband, and for men to lay off for the sake of their wives. A poll in one of those books said that in 90% of marriages husbands want more sex than their wives...but in 10% wives want more sex than their husbands. So you might be in that 10%
Women just need to know her husband thinks she’s beautiful. Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the back of the neck, tell her she smells like home and loving, and give her a squeeze right at the waist and tell her she fills your arms just right…and that’s it. That’s all she needs to glow for 2 days. You don’t need an orgy every night to keep the love and excitement alive in a marriage. And if you do end up wanting less sex than your woman, if you love and respect each other, you’ll work it out. Every couple has to work out that one wants more than the other. It’s only a superficial difference that its the guy wanting less. Its still the same problem.
You say “someone to hold in your arms.”…well that sounds to me like you are looking for physical intimacy. Now it’s not to the same degree as sex, but they are the exact same KIND of intimacy – physical. You probably have a healthier view of sex than most people (notice I said healthier not normal, because normal simply means majority). You have no desire for sex for anyone now, because you don’t know anyone well enough to have sex with them. I guarantee that when you meet a girl, get to know her, share activities, grow in respect, and love her (in the mature agape way, not the eros way) you will want to go further than a hug.

Okay, since people are still commenting on this question, I feel the need to clear some things up for a lot of ignorant people out there:

1. If an asexual has had sex, that does not mean they are not asexual anymore. Some asexuals try to have a sex life for the benefit of a sexual partner. Others that are still questioning may have sex to better understand their orientation and preferences. This is not all of us, but some.

2. Some asexuals do not want romance, some do. The common factor between all of us is that we do not want sex. We have no desire to have sexual relations with anyone. Love without sex IS possible, just like sex without love is possible.

3. Masturbating, and even watching porn, does not necessarily make a person sexual. Some asexuals experience arousal, but they identify as asexual because their arousal is not attached to wanting to have sex with another person. Yes, that sounds strange, but sexuality is a complicated thing.

4. Yes, the question asker may seem "melodramatic" to some, but imagine how alone we are. About 1% of the population is asexual. Sex is forced upon us, to the point where most people I know think asexuals are

a. Weirdly religious and are just choosing never to have sex
b. Really immature
c. Losers that can't get any

So, while I think the Question Asker needs a little more experience with dating before he can determine that NO girl will want to be with him unless she's asexual, I'd really advise a lot of people here to do some research before making claims about asexuals.

No, love, please don't kill yourself.
I swear, when you find her, you'll know, and she'll love you for who you are. Don't sell yourself for less. Please live life to the fullest, take it from one who knows.
After you talk to someone, and they actually listen to what your saying... A counselor, I've been seeing one since the day I almost killed myself, I look back on it and think how lucky I am that I was saved, please just don't do it...
If you ever need someone to talk too I know you don't know me, but don't hesitate to IM or message me...

Please just remember you have one life to live, and you can't get it back once it's gone. Just think of what this would do to the people that love you...

I think sex was meant to be one way to express love. I think it has gotten really messed up over the years. We have become very sexualized as a society and it has been stripped of what it should be.

So, in my opinion, you don't have a desire to express love in that way. But you have a desire to express love. It's not that you hate love and don't want anything to do with it. You just want to be vulnerable in other ways.

So I have a question? Does being asexual mean that you have no sex drive only or does it mean that you have no sex drive and find anything sexual disgusting?

The reason I ask that is then my next question would be, if you were to find a girl who had a sex drive would you be willing to do things for her like oral sex? Could you see it as giving her love even though you choose not to receive it back from her? Like if she doesn't like foot rubs herself, but knows you love them, is willing to give you foot rubs every now and then cause it makes you happy.

Obviously, I'm not saying do that if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I was just asking if that was an option for you.

You want love and you have that in common with every human being on the planet. So there is no reason to see yourself like you are broken. Even if you don't want to communicate love a certain way, it doesn't mean you still don't want to communicate love at all.

I personally don't think it's hopeless as much as it is realizing you now have very specific needs. You can't go out with every girl cause she may have different goals in a relationship. She may want sex. But there are girls that would be willing to give up sex for love. Because you have specific desires, it just means placing your affection on a girl who can met that need in you. As a woman, I completely believe there are women out there that would be happy cooking and going on vacation and doing the things that make you feel loved and receiving how you want to love. With taking care of her.

We get in trouble when we believe that their is a ruler in relationships we all have to measure up to. If we don't hold hands when we walk, we have a problem. If we don't talk 2 hours a day total, we have a problem. Love and a love relationship isn't a dinner that is presented where you have to take it all or you have a problem. It is a buffet. And every couple has to go up to it together and figure out what they want from it.

ha. you sound like my boyfriend..you sure you aren't him..
well I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we haven't had sex..all because of him..he has a goal in his life which I completely understand..and that's football..
but at the same time I do want it. and I do feel like he doesn't love me enough to do that with me..but I'm also a virgin so its not like I crave it and gotta have it..i just want it...but what I'm trying to say is that I still love my boyfriend dearly even though he doesn't want to have sex.by this do you mean you don't even mess around?
because that we do of course just no sex..and trust me if a girl is interested tell her before hand and if she stays..you have someone good.

I understand you completely. I am asexual, too, but I would still like to be in a relationship. I'm only 17, but I already feel like an alien compared to everyone else my age.

Suicide isn't the answer, though. Believe me, I get frustrated every day too because I wonder if I will ever have a lasting relationship with anyone. I just don't understand the importance everyone else puts on sex, as if they need it to function. I feel the same way as you -- what guy would want to be with me if he knew I wouldn't have sex with him? But I know there's no use letting this take over my life because this is just the way I am. That isn't to say I don't get depressed, but I really don't think being an asexual is all that bad. Certainly not bad enough to kill yourself.

I don't know how much help I can personally be, but if you haven't already, check out the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN for short). Their website is www.asexuality.org
That site has helped me quite a bit, both with learning about myself (and that it's okay to be asexual) and how to explain asexuality to other people who cannot fathom it.

I'm always happy to meet other asexuals (makes me feel less isolated, you know?), so if you'd ever like to talk, feel free to. Hope I helped a bit.

Lol a bit melodramatic. There are much better reasons for killing yourself. There will be asexual girls too. I thought asexual meant that you weren't interested in girls at all, not just not interested in sex. And actually ignoring a girl will make her want you more so ignoring them isn't your best bet. Sex isn't everything and if you are interested in a girl to the point were you start going out with her surely you'll want to have sex with her eventually? You can't say that you won't, you won't know until you get a gf. You want a girl to cook for you? haha, good luck with that one. But really it's sad that you are young and you are saying you will never find a girl to share your life with, you have all your life ahead of you and you don't have a clue what the future holds, only God does. I don't really understand asexualism (if it's not a word then it should be), like are you a virgin? or did you used to have sex regularly but now don't have a sex drive? are you ever interested in girls? or do you just never feel attracted to anyone? And it could be worse, at least you're hot, some people really want sex but couldn't get it no matter how long they tried.

The most important thing to remember is that you aren't alone on this and you certainly don't need to resort so suicide because plenty of people feel the same things as you. You also don't ever need to have sex. If you don't want to have sex, then you don't need to. I enjoy sex but I don't need it and if I was ever in the situation where my partner wasn't interested in having sex with me, though he loved me, I wouldn't love him any less. You didn't choose not to be interested in sexual things. Celibacy is a choice, asexuality is an orientation. It’s not something you choose to be, it’s something you’re born as. Many asexuals have a sex drive, and many of them masturbate. But what makes them different is that their libido is dissociated from sexual attraction. Having a sex drive doesn’t translate into wanting sex. Put simply, there can be a sex drive, but not a drive towards anyone. I don't believe there is anything wrong with being in that situation. I personally have a very low sex drive. I don't masturbate really and I don't NEED sex. While, I don't consider myself asexual because I do have a sexual attraction towards others, I often crave the emotional, cuddling, talking, being loved and cared for, aspects of a relationship. I by no means believe you have to have sex to have a great relationship or be in love and if I agree, as someone who enjoys sex, then you certainly can find someone who wants to be with you as a person v.s sexually.

The fact that you avoid being involved with any girl, even if you like her, is the wrong step in trying to make yourself happy. I have complete confidence that you'll find someone who is ok with the fact that you'd rather be her best friend and love her emotionally over sexually. I can't say I understand what it's like to be in your position but I can tell you that I have a friend who's exactly like you and he's proud of it. He's learned to live with the way he's been made and he's happy with the fact that his life is something to be proud of, regardless of his sexuality. I'll post a quote below from someone who's in the same place as you. I don't know him personally but it might be good to hear you aren't alone.
"I know that it shocks people, but I don't consider being asexual anything remotely controversial or upsetting. If anything, I feel like it's prevented a lot of unnecessary drama in my life. I could never imagine myself in the same state that my friends are in when they call me up crying at two in the morning. I know that there are people who have struggled with their sexuality, and been tormented by it, but it means so little to me that I didn't even think about it until my friend mentioned it.

In many ways, I believe it has actually benefited me. By being indifferent to romantic relationships, I'm able to spend my 20s channeling that energy into other activities, like writing. That being said, I don't think that being asexual requires any awareness or even personal pride. I am perfectly comfort"

Whatever you do, don't kill yourself. Nothing is worth committing suicide. You are a young guy with a lot to live for in your life. You have so much potential.Please go to this website www.studentdepression.org asap to get help for your suicidal thoughts.

I knew a guy who told me that he was asexual a few years back so its not as rare as you might think. It did make sense because he previously had a girlfriend but was never into her. I then presumed he was gay but he said he wasn't and that women had much better bodies than men. I couldn't understand it but I did think "to each his own". I would say that most girls are not going to support it in a relationship so it would be best to join an asexual group. It would be good to develop a range of female friends to share a platonic friendship with.If you're just friends with a girl, she can provide you with support etc.

I don't mean to insult you but did something happen to you to make you go off sex? Did a particular situation put you off? If you think it did, then therapy could really help you.

I also picked up that you want a girl to cook for you. Relationships are about give and take. You can't expect any girl to be a housemaid and chef-slave for you-you have to cook for them too sometimes! All I'm saying is you have to look at what qualities you can offer a girl too.Its not all about sex either. If I'm with someone I like, sex is the physical expression or communication if you will of my feelings so you need to show how you feel in other ways. Maybe do sweet things for her, tell her she's beautiful etc.

Calm down! You are probably a lot more normal than you think.

It is very, very common for people to have a low sex drive. That is probably what your situation is. It is also very common for people to feel like there is something wrong with them if they are not into sex, because the media makes it seem like there is nothing else that is so important. I have known a lot of people with low sex drives. You are not abnormal at all. There are plenty of people in sexless or low-sex relationships. So don't worry about finding a girl. If you do have trouble finding someone, join a dating service like eHarmony and specify that you are looking for someone with a low sex drive.

There are a lot of things that can cause someone's sex drive to be low. Stress is one thing. When I was in grad school, my sex drive went way, way down. I was so stressed that I hardly thought about sex. Many of my friends were the same way. People who have high-stress jobs very often have low sex drives. New mothers are famous for being too tired for sex. I have also heard that many athletes can go off sex. This happened to me when I used to run long distance. I was too tired to care about sex. People on certain medication can also lose their sex drive. Many people say that the longer a person goes without sex, the lower his/her sex drive becomes. I don't know if you have never been interested in sex or if you might be too tired or stressed for sex... It doesn't matter. The point is that there are many, many people in the world who are just like you.

You sound pretty upset, so my final advice is to talk to a counsellor or a doctor about this. You need to hear from a professional that you are normal! Stop worrying!

I'm the same way. I want male companionship, but I don't want sex.

try finding someone that's interested in a no sex relationship. Girls like that do exist out there. Obviously they're going to be harder to find but the do exist.

If you still need love, you are most definitely not asexual. It seems you merely tried to figure out your sexual preferences online or on google and "thought" your asexual. Truth is, your a struggling single guy who wants a relationship.

An asexual is someone who harbors no feelings of intimacy for either sex.

well, killing yourself won't solve the problem so the answer is no. as for being asexual is a problem, well who says that its a problem? its a preferance and it deserves respect. I know for a fact that there are other people, who are also asexual, meaning that there are females that are asexual. they are out there, try some dating sites, if your looking I'm sure that she's looking too. well anyway good luck mate!

Just date around, and talk it out.

If you get serious with a girl, let her know you like her, and enjoy your time with her, and you see a future with her, etc., but sex is off the menu. (Note: if you're willing to develop a "don't ask, don't tell" attitude toward sex outside the relationship, and you tell her this, your odds increase a hundredfold.)

While few girls are positively hot for asexuals, most are glad to have a good boyfriend. As long as you're worth dating, and you make it clear that you'll do what it takes to have the relationship work, you'll find a girl to meet you halfway.

Should you kill yourself? Nope. I empathize with your confusion and pain, but suicide's not an option.

You're making a few logical errors. For example, you jump to a false conclusion ... "Honestly, what kind of girl would date a guy who doesn't want to f*** her? NO GIRL." That's simply untrue. _Most_ girls will have a sex drive and expect sex ... but not _all_ girls. About 1% of the population is asexual, which means that America has roughly 3 million asexual women. These women might be difficult to find, but they exist. With a quick Google search, I found a non-profit group for asexual people, which reports over 19,000 members. link Might be a good resource for you.

Furthermore, some women will have lower-than-average sex drives drives and might be comfortable with a non-sexual relationship. I commonly see personal ads online by women who want platonic friendships with guys.

So while I certainly see that your situation is difficult and painful, I don't see that it's hopeless. There are some options open to you that might improve your quality of life and find you a loving relationship.

Good luck!