My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years. He almost never wants to have sex. Yet all he does is talk about how hot other chicks are, girls on tv, girls in magazines, my friends, girls in public, EVERYWHERE. He just won't shut up about it. He even looks at porn, but doesn't want to have sex but 2 or 3 times a week. Its like every time I bring up sex he sighs and makes it seem like its this big chore, but when it comes to other women he looks at them and says "oh I wanna f*** her" and bla bla bla. What the hell is up with that. Does he just think I'm ugly and not want to have sex with me? Should I just move on and find a man that ACTUALLY thinks I'm sexy and wants to have sex with me? I really need advice.
It sounds like he's not all that attracted to you. It may be physically related, or it may not be.
It actually sounds like he's in the relationship for companionship because at this point he's afraid of being alone or starting all over again with a new relationship. It's actually pretty common these days that people stay in unfulfilling relationships for just such a reason (among others). If you're not happy, and he's probably not happy either, I suggest you guys take a break and see if there are others out there better suited for the both of you.
This is why I wish I was a lesbian. men are so pathetic. if you want to move on then why not just say so. Why string the girl along as you check out other women. toying with people's emotionally state is sick. - 2 months ago
Answerer
I said that because it is something that immature men would do, so I was trying to put myself in his position in order to give some help. I was not speaking from a personal point of view. Personally, I believe and prefer to talk things over with whomever I'm with at the time. I have never had much of a problem communicating with them, and they were all happy about that. - 2 months ago
Sex = Fun Men like fun. Sex = Relaxing. Men like to be relaxed.
Men want to have sex as often as possible. That's what they're built for. He either wants/ is having sex with a third party, or he is just f***ing weird.
1. Physically your brain starts producing a chemical at the point where one person is infatuated with another person. I'm sure you've noticed some of the side effects that this chemical produces early in your relationship(s), 1. Increased Energy 2. Decreased need for food 3. Decreased need for sleep 4. Increased feeling of joy or happiness 5. Increased sex drive
and so on along those lines.
Problem is, that the brain can only pump this chem for an average of 2 years, (some people more, some people less). When the chem runs out, than we find what the relationship is really made of.Was it purely sex? Or is there some kind of reciprocated love in this romance?
which leads me to.
2. A healthy relationship does have Sex, don't get me wrong, or think that I'm handing down life lessons from my high cloud. A relationship needs to be simply that.A relationship. You've heard some couples say, 'I married my best friend' and even more couples say, 'I married my better half'. So my question for you is, what do you want for yourself? IT'S OKAY to want things in your romantic relationships, it sounds selfish, but you can ask for things like an intimate conversation, or a romantic evening that was perfectly planned out. Go ahead.Think about it this way.Either continue this relationship unfulfilled, or step up, know what you want, and be so brave as to ask for it from the one person in this world that you are supposed to be able to ask anything and get a honest answer.
He's looking at other women.This is normal. He's talking about other women to you.This is Not normal for a healthy relationship He's looking at porn.This is a sure sign that he doesn't feel that he can communicate with you;
you have to realize that porn never says "no", porn always delivers what he wants when he wants it, and porn never fully satisfies, so he has to get more.
His communication with you is so severed, that he is looking for other outlets for his romantic and sexual needs, He doesn't want to hurt you, make you jealous, or anything like that, it's simply the fact that he doesn't FEEL like he can communicate with you and ask you for what he wants for his romantic fulfillments.
A breakdown in communication will always be the loudest thing in the bedroom.
A couple that doesn't effectively communicate MUTUALLY, will never be romantically satisfied in their relationship together.
have a night where he gets anything that he asks for, and then have a night the next week where you are in charge, and then learn from each other as to what makes the other happiest and the most romantically charged up.
talk about sex, talk about love, talk about anything that has to do with relationships, and find out what you want in your own relationship with each other.
Truth be told, I think you should put the sex on hold for a while, and find a man who loves you for you, as opposed to for the sex. After reading this, I think you should just dump him and either ease off the relationships for a while or just stop looking for sex.
It sounds like this guy is not being totally honest with you about his feelings. I think he is actually playing games with you - screwing with your head/messing with your mind. If he is telling you these things, it may be because he is not mature enough to come out and tell you that he is not getting what he needs from you. When romance and/or sex starts to get boring for a man, he will begin to hint around that he needs something different. If a man is not mature or is insecure, he will play games with you in order to give you a hint that he is not satisfied. A mature person will clarify his/her wants/needs/desires to the person he/she loves. I would have a chat with him and ask him if he really wants to be with all of these other people or if he's just not man enough to ask for what he wants with you. If you're in love with him and wanting a monogamous relationship, you need to evaluate whether this man truly wants the same thing with you or not.
I agree with the answer here. There are a garden variety of reasons as to why your guy is doing what he is doing. From my own experience in the past, a guy who has done what your boyfriend is doing was insecure and trying to manipulate me by making me feel insecure with him. Assess this: are you better looking? do you attract more attention than he would? are you more intelligent? have a college degree where he may be struggling to get one? if yes, then your guy may be manipulating you. - 2 months ago
Answerer
Yeah, it's too bad we men don't always have it together for you beautiful ladies! - 2 months ago
'Try to be more sexy' is the closest poll result I can think of to the truth.
You should let it go, but yeah, it's not normal. Being abnormal is not bad. Not wanting to have sex is not bad. Checking out attractive people is fine.
OK this guy is disrespecting her and making her feel like crap. She shouldn't have to try to be more sexy for him, he should try to be a real man and not talk about other women like that. She shouldn't let it go that's a big deal. - 3 months ago
Answerer
I may have misread it a bit, I don't recall the talking, but rereading it you're sorta right... what I mean I guess, is that it should be tolerated long enough to have a conversation about why he is with her if he does not desire sex but does desire it with other people. The answer would determine where to proceed from there. All in all, I could possibly enjoy being in a relationship with a girl who would not have sex with me and was constantly saying other men were sexy. Yaoi fangirls, lol. - 2 months ago
Men are genetically and sociologically predisposed to look. They are always sizing up whether someone is friend or foe. And we are very visual. We enjoy observing the female form and in the case of gay men the male form. So it doesn't mean he doesn't love you and 2-3 times, I believe, is more than average.
What I do here though is a lack of respect for you. I would confront him and tell him that it hurts your feelings that he says these things.
Another thing that can happen around your sexuality is the pressure to ejaculate. We are taught in this country that it isn't sex unless the man ejaculates. That can actually put a lot of pressure on a man and it may not be you doing it, but him. One of the best gifts I learned when taking all my training is that I can have intercourse with my partner and not have to ejaculate which causes a loss of energy anyway. Having intercourse without ejaculating is very invigorating.
Long term relationships are hard and the sex does get boring if it is with the same women every time. You said your boyfriend watches porn, well if that is the case then every time he looks at another woman he thinks back to his porno flicks and wants to do things with them just has he has previously seen. If you want your sex life back to how it was in the beginning then I suggest you need to take some pointers from the porn your boyfriend watches and find out how to create a sex fantasy that has just you and your boyfriend in it.
I like the sexy cheerleader, the under dressed nurse or lingerie outfit with a stethoscope, the naughty teacher with a short skirt and no underwear, the girl next door type of a girl that has noticeable see through shirts and no bra on, the French maid, AND my favorite fantasy the sexy stripper outfit with a Trench coat on. Surprise your boyfriend with one of these outfits and play the role. Make up a different name for yourself such as Holly, Amber, Diana, Victoria, Angel, Vixen, Bianca, Dana, Molly, etc. Think of names that are short and sound sexy.
After your boyfriend sees you in a different light during sex playing one of the roles above then you can suggest for him to play a role along with you such as the following:
Him - Tarzan, You - Jane Him - Hercules, You - Amazon Woman Etc.
Play into his imagination and I bet the sex will improve and so will your relationship with him. If he still says inappropriate stuff about wanting to have sex with other women in front of you then you will have the upper hand by denying him sexy role playing or simply sex all together.
Normally when someone isn't having sex with their partner, it is a very clear sign that they are done with the relationship. However, 2 or 3 times a week is a pretty healthy frequency for most folks.
As for looking a other people.... I love my wife and I like my girlfriends but I still have interest in new people. That has nothing to do with the people I am currently sleeping with, I just enjoy variety.
Have you considered talking to him about an open relationship? You could add a few more people to your life and get the level of sexual contact you want.
Wow. Yea actually I kind of want to do that, but he gets too jealous. Like its ok for him to ogle girls as much as he wants. But if I even MENTION liking another guy, he acts like I'm just a slut. Its the same with sex. When I try to tell him that I'm not sexually satisfied in our relationship, he makes it seem like I'm f*ucked up and I just need to much sex. Damn this situation sucks. - 3 months ago
Answerer
It doesn't suck, it's completely unfair and you don't have to put up with it. It's your body and you can do what you want with it, regardless of his opinion. You have all the rights he does and if you feel like looking, look. If you feel like you are not getting enough sex, you are free to supplement. The only think is that you have to tell him you are no longer monogamous and he can cope or not.
I recommend "The Ethical Slut" by Catherine Liszt and Dossie Easton for more information. - 3 months ago
maybe he can't keep up with your sex drive and isn't man enough to admit this to you? it could be a lot of factors like does he work a lot and is lacking sleep.
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