I have coached a lot of women and men who have things that they won't tell anybody about themselves about their sex life, history of sex, or whatever. For example, a number of women I have worked with had never had orgasms and always faked it and always told their girlfriends that they orgasmed regularly. Men often talk about having had a large number of sex partners or brag about the size of their penis when in reality they haven't had many or any and are maybe only average. I think all of these secrets create further harm between the sexes because the mislead the other about who the person really is.
So, my question is what secret to you hide about your sexuality because you are ashamed, insecure, unsure, or something else?
I've never had sex and NOT came. This is not to say that I have not been with some real awful partners. However, this is to say that it is extremely easy for me to cum. I can literally think about something that arouses me and get myself almost to the point of cumming.
As far as secrets go, I don't really have any other than I'm sexually attracted to women. But it isn't completely a secret since my boyfriend knows.
OK Wow there are a lot of things actually. Where to start. well for one most of my friends and lovers don't know that I'm Bi, some do but mostly they don't.
Also, to me sex and making love are different things. Making love ties emotion into it, and sex is about fun and pleasure. Sometimes, I want to just have sex with other people.
I have a very seductive nature. Sometimes, I like it. But sometimes it takes over and I start basically leading people on. Or in the past have slept with people do to it as well.
There are other things as well, I'm just having a brain fart and can't pull them out.
Great response. Thank you. I couldn't agree with you more that love and sex are two completely different things. One can enhance the other, but they are different. I think people tying the two together causes a lot of problems in the world.
How does it feel to you when you have to hide that you are bi and why do you hide it? Is it because you feel you will be judged or something else? - 4 months ago
Answerer
It doesn't really bother me to hide. I have friends that do know, but I have friends that talk all the time about how gross same gender sex is. And while I defend it to them, I just don't feel ready to let them know. I don't think they are open enough to accept it and I don't want to loose some of them. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Okay. Thank you. - 4 months ago
N/A
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 4 months ago
I used to be an escort when I was younger. My partner has no idea! I never confessed that to him and I don't know if I ever will.
And I think I might have had more sexual partners than he did. We never talk about our sexual history
Also, lately I've been having a weird fantasy with his best friend. When we have sex I close my eyes and I fantasize about his friend! I know, it's bad, but I can't help it!
I've done that to my partners, pretended almost that they were other people, and sometimes their friends. I don't think it's bad as long as you don't call out their name. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Did you like being an escort? What did it entail?
I fantasize all the time about all sorts of people. They can be friends of my partner or just random people in the street. How sexually open is your boyfriend? - 4 months ago
N/A
(Age:18 to 24)
When: 4 months ago
I've never told my boyfriend that I act a little more into it than I am when we're having sex or he's fingering or going down on me, hoping that maybe I'll trick myself into feeling closer than I am. I've never faked it though, but I haven't orgasmed without masturbation.
I often coach women not to fake orgasm because it falsely lets the partner believe he/she is doing something right, so I think it is great that you don't fake orgasm. My question to you would be does it feel good. Toning or making noise while you have sex certainly helps move the energy throughout the body, so I don't think there is anything wrong with that.
When you say closer do you mean to him or to orgasm? - 4 months ago
Answerer
I mean closer to orgasm. And that's a good question, does it feel good? Yes, I think it does. I mean being near him I get overwhelming sexual feelings. I want to have sex, I want him to go down on me, I want him to finger me, but then when he does. I don't know how to describe it. It feels sorta good, just not good enough to ever get to a place where I might cum, if that makes any sense. . I mean it doesn't feel bad. I don't know. It's weird. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
No, that isn't weird at all. There are a lot of women like that. I don't know your entire story, but I do know in many women I have coached that there has been something in their past that has them not be present during your encounter. It could be some sort of trauma or being told that sex is bad and wrong so you are committing a sin if you do it or it could be a trust issue between you and your boyfriend. Either way creating a relaxing and safe environment might get you closer. - 4 months ago
Well, with me, there's a lot I don't really tell people. Only a few people have I told that I'm a virgin. At 32 and being a guy it's not something you advertise. The people I have told I trust a lot and know they won't blab it out to others. When conversations come up, jokingly or otherwise, about partners, numbers of, or jokes about, I just roll with the punches and such so people won't figure it out. If people knew, it'd be devastating. In our society, guys who aren't sexually promiscuous are viewed as pariahs or "losers."
I also hide the fact that I've never "pleasured myself" either. Again, only a few people know, and again, I trust them. I don't tell others, as well, frankly it's not really anyone's business, but I also don't think some would believe me. I have had "release" before, but only due to dreams or if I was really turned on. I just want a lady to be the first to bring pleasure to me/it.
I also hide my dating status/experience (none). Again, for fear of ridicule. And except for a night where I was waaay too drunk, I've never initiated talk as of my "size." Mainly because, well, due to mass media I always figured I was really small. However, I have learned that I'm not, thankfully. From what I can tell I'm even above average (I think). I don't tell anyone as I don't think it's something that I want everyone in the world to know.
Lastly there's certain fantasies I have, which few know of. I keep those secret as I know they're not common and again, I think I'd be laughed at if people knew. I know, just from discussions, that some things I find attractive in women my male friends/acquaintances find disgusting or weird.
There's a lot that I hide, as revealing one or two things could have a domino effect and lead to questions that I'd rather not answer. Most of my friends I work with, and I really don't need that info known at my job. Overall though, I just figure someone I trust will eventually know, but that takes a lot. On here (girlsaskguys) the anonymity factor makes it somewhat ok to talk about, but I'm still guarded about a few things even given that fact.
Thanks for sharing and by the thumbs up it sounds like you probably aren't alone. If you don't mind I would like to suggest that you start to pleasure yourself frequently and I don't mean just a quick jerk off, but really begin to love yourself through masturbation. Love on your whole body not just your penis. When you can love yourself then you will probably start to understand that someone else can love you too. You can also get help through a dakini which I think will give you confidence. - 4 months ago
That I haven't really explored my sexual potential?! Heck I don't know. I haven't done it. But I guess my secret would be that in not sure how its going to go down the first time and I think it sort of scares me that I might not be as good as I wanna be. Guess is a virgin thing.
Are you saying you tell your friends that you have had sex when you haven't? There is no shame in not having had sex and there is no shame in having had sex. There is only shame if you believe there to be. Other people can't give you shame.
Are you satisfied with keeping your secret or is it something you would like to change? If so, what would you like to change?
Thanks for sharing yourself. - 4 months ago
Answerer
No.Ive never lied aboutmy sexual activities. I just think of how am I going to fare on my first time. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Fair enough. It is natural to be nervous and excited about your first time. I know advice such as me saying relax you'll enjoy it no matter what happens is till tough to believe. Good luck with it. - 4 months ago
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(Age:25 to 29)
When: 4 months ago
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