I've never been able to come except by playing with myself and fantasizing. My problem is with what I fantasize about. Even if I try to make it about nice, normal things that I think are hot it always ends up being me being violated and abused by men. I don't know what's wrong with me. Does anyone else think these things?
Maybe an example would help. The last time I masturbated I imagined that a guy had made me put my hair into pigtails so that he could pull on them while I gave him a blow job. I thought about him doing that and telling me that was what my mouth was made for, that I was there to suck his cock. And I imagined him pulling on my hair and forcing his **** into my throat. I thought about how big it was and about how helpless I felt and about how at that moment I really was there just to suck his cock. That he had completely reduced me to nothing more than a hole to put his dick into. And I thought about how he'd probably done this to other women, like a lot of them. I thought about all these women with their hair in pigtails being pulled onto his dick and how violated and helpless they felt. And that's when I came. Right when I was picturing the other women with their mouths forced open and his dick being forced just a little too far down their throats. And then I felt guilty and weird, just like I always do. I'm a feminist, I swear. Out of the bedroom, I'm strong and independent and don't think women should be subservient to men. So why do I need to think about doing just that in order to cum? I don't understand why my head needs to be filled with these horrible images of sexual slavery. Does anyone else do this? Or something similar? Am I betraying all women every time I masturbate?
Thanks, I guess. Although it really isn't like a novel, it's just what I think about. It's not even really on purpose, it's more like a compulsion I think. Although I understand you thinking it's a turn on, because that's apparently what I think too. Though to be honest I'm not sure what I think of someone else getting turned on by my own weird little thing. I mean it's anonymous, sure, so I know it doesn't really matter, but it's still a little weird. - 4 months ago
You're fine, don't worry about it. The important thing is that if this is what you are passionate about in the bedroom, you need to find a partner who you can trust. It has to be someone who cares and doesn't take advantage of your needs.
I have a good bf, but I haven't really shared any of this with him. I do think about it when we fool around, and I do fantasize about him doing things to me. I just don't want him to think I'm some weird little submissive, although I guess I sort of am. I don't know what to do about it. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Being submissive doesn't make you wierd. You need to be proud of what excites you sexually. You don't need to flaunt it, but don't be worried what others will think. If your lover can't participate in your wants and needs then they are not much of a lover.
I would say that having a sensible conversation regarding your general feelings of wanting/being submissive. Don't get so much into specifics acts, just cover the idea and how you want to pursue. Once you reach an agreement, go further - 4 months ago
I really don't think that there is anything wrong with you at all! That's why we call them fantasies. You are a feminist. That great nothing wrong with that either. I have seen sights were women dominate men but to me it's not really the same. How do you force a guy to have sex? I don't think that your at the BDSM stage. Far from it. That's a whole different world than what your thoughts are. So your thoughts turn to being dominated or used a bit in the bedroom. Why do you have to be dominate all the time. It is not degrading to women to have these thoughts. It's whatever turns you on. A lot of girls have fantasies about "Ra" there is nothing wrong with that either. I love my girlfriend and I call her my little "Sl" or "Wh" in bed & how I'm going to do this or that to her. She knows that I love her & don't think that she is either one of those two. What I am trying to say is in real life you are very successful. In the fantasy world you enjoy something different. Don't over analyze it just go with it and have fun. Remember it's whatever turns us on. If it's a couple and if both like it than who's to say that it's wrong? Don't ever think it's wrong? Again real life & fantasy world are two different things and they should be.
Food for thought, maybe because you are a feminist you actually like to be able to relinquish some control in your dreams.
Quite a few people in authority have a similar issue where they like to relinquish power and they like to do so in a sexual manner where they will let a woman essentially use them as she wants to.
In other words, nothing wrong with you. Enjoy the fantasies!
No, I don't think you are betraying anybody including yourself. There are a lot of men and women who are into the BDSM (Bondage/Discipline/Sado-Masochism) scene and they are very powerful people. Many of the submissive's including males and females are executives of companies and are in complete power. Apparently, it is an opportunity for them to rejuvenate by being completely dominated in a very safe environment.
I know many people think that the BDSM community isn't safe, but I would argue that it is one of the more safer versions of sexual relations. If you are not really into having sex then as a woman you can just lay there and some guy can have sex with you. It doesn't hurt you necessarily, but in the BDSM community if you aren't into something then it can be painful. The BDSM community actually has a check list of things that you go through with your potential partner to indicate what you are into and what you aren't
Go get a book called Screw the Roses; Give me the Thorns for a very good description of what is available around that. You will find there is a pretty large community of like minded people out there that are into very safe, sane, and consentual activities that include humiliation types of activities.
There are two here in the Denver area. I don't know where you are, but check it out. You might like it.
Some of what you are saying rings true. I've been fairly successful in business. I have six people reporting to me, and they're all men. Although I had these fantasies long before any of that had happened. - 4 months ago
Answerer
I didn't say they were all executives. Some people just like it, but what I do know is that you are not alone. I have a friend who is very into it. If you look at the Quodoushka training they look at very thing being on a circle. Pleasure starts out the circle and pain is at the end, but since it is a circle they are right next to each other. It can be an easy leap for pain and pleasure to be similar. I say just enjoy it. - 4 months ago
It's just a fantasy and 9 outta 10 people fantasize about rougher then usual encounters. I do, but then I usually preform them in the bedroom after. Maybe you should try that! It always makes sex a little more exciting when you actually fulfill thou desires.
To a lot of people, sex is a different realm. If you are submissive in bed doesn't mean that you are submissive by nature. Maybe sexually this is how you feel. Or maybe because you are SO for womens rights that this little part of your head finds it sexy to be rebellious of your beliefs. I've had fantasies of men dominating me before, but a little differently then yours. I would say you are definately not betraying any women when you masturbate.
I guess it is kind of a different realm to me, so that makes sense. I just hate that it's so violent and misogynistic and that it's coming from me. I feel so guilty afterwards. - 4 months ago
N/A
(Age:Under 18)
When: 4 months ago
Hey, there's nothing wrong with you! I'm sure there are many women who fantasize about the same things as you and get turned on by them. I know for a fact that if I was in your position, I would be turned on by those fantasies!
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(Age:30 to 35)
When: 4 months ago
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