My man works all the time, I do all I can to make home life as little a stress as possible. But he never and I mean never initiates sex anymore? I have done everything. I have dropped hints, I have told him it hurts me, but nothing changes. He gets home and he is done for the day. DONE. I am not satisfied and have found myself thinking about if I really want to spend the rest of my life with a man that cannot make me feel like a woman. I have been faithful, so far. I don't nag, I don't yell, I take very good care of him. He is not cheating. He tells me all the time about the comments his boys make about how lucky he is to have a woman that looks like me, and then he rolls over and goes to sleep. I am not trying to sound unrealistic or harsh, but what does a girl have to do to get her man to fire it up even when he is tired?
Update: Thank you to those who have offered some advice. Maybe a few hundred more of those and some self indulgence might give me the testicular fortitude (no I don't have them) to do something about it. Fear of loneliness can be very hard to over come.
4 months ago
i am young. I have a trim business and I work 15 hour days, I live in PA, and had a job in upstate new york. working late takes a toll. when I would come home from jobs, I'm tired, my ex at the time was a cocktail server and worked until 2am. I had to get up at 7am. she would be so wound up, and she would wake me for sex, a lot of the times I told her I was tired, and I went back to sleep. I love sex with her, no one even now, comes close to her. now she is gone. not because of lack of sex cause we still did have sex, but I learned to NOT take it for granted. even if I'm tired, imma do what I can for you cause I want you to be happy. so, he is taking you for granted and I bet, if you did leave him, or scare him, he will be riding you until the sun comes up. when your in a long relationship, you take it for granted what you have, not just in sex. even in dating your spouse. people tend to date less when they are married. you need to tell him its really bothering you. cause like I said, if you did leave,. he would wish he never denied you. even once.
Unfortunately that is an avenue that I have taken. He says the last thing he wants to do is hurt me and that he loves having sex with me more than he can explain. I really do think it is time for me to move on. Which sucks beyond words, as I know in my heart he is my soulmate but I need and want more. I know that makes me sound like an attention whore but that's not the case at all. I am very grateful of how hard he works and tell him so. If I left him he would not fight for me. - 4 months ago
Don't be so sure that he wouldn't fight for you. Maybe that's the wake up call that he needs - 4 months ago
Answerer
True.. doesn't it suck... or isn't it funny how people try soo hard in the beginning of a relationship, but not so much when the comfort level is extremly high... like, in the beginning, he probably would lose an hour of sleep, just to have sex with you, now that you are always there, he is taking you for granted.. people try hard in the beginning, but then not so much when they got who they want.. - 4 months ago
Question Asker
Honestly, I don't care at this point if he did fight for me. He is not and don't think will be the type of man I want and need. I don't have time for self absorbed men, I want a man who is strong, loving, and to honest and not sugar coat it or make a man read my mind, I will admit that I do want to be treated as a princess, but am very aware that I must give in order to receive that. Which I have done. Frustrated at getting hit on and being told what a hottie I am and then get nothing at home. - 4 months ago
wow, wish my ex was like you.but that's another story
it is true that being tired and stress CAN kill a guys libido, for sure
what about morning sex? or start seducing him while he sleeps (I love that, my girlfriend didn't like it when I did it to her however.anyways
schedule out time for sex
masturbate
most importantly, TALK to him about how much this means to you and that its not just sex. being needy etc will just push him away farther, albeit you become more needy when he doesn't satisfy you am I right (thats the way I was when she never gave me loving or affection)
regardless of what people say, SEX IS an important thing in a relationship, and not just intercourse. talk to him, try to get him to relax when he gets home.and btw, he should do stuff at home too (unless your a housewife and the duties have already been split up between you too)
i don't want to say it, but maybe he is gay or getting it somewhere else.doubtful, but DON'T accuse him of it.just talk to him about what this means to you and HOW you two can work together on it
I will say the same to you, I wish he had your attitude, I almost wish he was getting it somewhere else, then I wouldn't feel like such a leper. It has made me realize that I don't really want to continue down this path. Last night I made my choice that over the next few months I will begin to detach from him in every way, as usual as women we are naive and give up so much and then when the disenchantment wears off we are left quite alone and dependent, I cannot let that go on. - 4 months ago
N/A
(Age:36 to 45)
When: 4 months ago
I can only tell you that I'm a bit older than you. I have a long commute & work hard for our money. I also fall asleep quickly. It's not that I don't love her it's just that I'm beat. So your not alone. He tells you that he thinks your still attractive. Why are you blaming yourself. Don't your a great girl trying to make his home life as go as smoothly as possible. What does he say when you told him that it hurts you that he doesn't anymore? My next trip to the Dr. I'm going to mention my problem to her. I hope that he may do the same. So again your not alone, I know it & I just am really beat. I am a little troubled by the statement "I have been faithful so far" PLEASE DON'T. Try talking some more first.
I have talked, cried, begged for some of his attention. He is at the point of exhaustion and so focused on his job that he just doesn't seem to care. I do not begrudge him his ambition. As I know it makes him feel good. I will say that it just flat out sucks that I have/we have invested so much time into "us" and I now know it is not going anywhere. I think I need to gain some independence and slowly detach from him so it doesn't hurt so damn much in the end. Self preservation right? - 4 months ago
Answerer
What exactly does he say to you after your talks? I'm at a loss I can only tell you about me. I feel for her & once on the weekend isn't enough. That's why I'm going to ask the Dr. if I can do something even viagra. Sex is a big part of a relationship! Material things are nice,being treated well/fairly is great but we (you) have your needs. Will he go to the Dr.? I wish that I could say more but until I go to the Dr. I just don't know. GOOD LUCK if you should go with your independence. Sorry - 4 months ago
Question Asker
He says he is so sorry he makes me feel this way, and he doesn't intend that at all. That he is so tired that he doesn't realize he is doing this. But I have realized that once I brought it to his attention some effort on his part should have been made to work on it, and there has been none. That pretty much tells me where this is heading. I need to regain my confidence and not let his actions dictate my feelings. I do have that confidence but it is buried in hurt and confusion right now. - 4 months ago
Answerer
Can he or will he go to the Dr.? There may be some physical problem. I wish that he would do that for you. I know that you have talked & even cried. How about making an appointment to see if there is or is not a medical issue here. - 4 months ago
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