My main issue in my past 2 long term relationships was the lack of sex. I THOUGHT I did what it took to make the girlfriend comfortable, supported, and loved, and logically that told me we would also have more sex as a natural result. In the last relationship I've been told by my ex that her sex drive is definitely lower than mine, but the main issue with the lack of sex and intimacy /affection was her "not feeling close to me" due to all the fighting, and that I didn't give her enough support /listen enough. is this all MY fault? am I that bad of a person? I tried telling her how much it meant to me, but besides sex it was the lack of intimacy and affection, feeling that she actually WANTED me.and not just through words. it is apparent now that she doesn't but that's another topic. it was amazing for the first 3 months and I would think it is normal to slow down the sex a bit after that, but after 8 months or so it REALLY went down hill, her saying she didn't feel close, listened too etc. I can admit I wasnt the easiest person at THAT time, I was selfish due to huge issues at work, and could have shoulda would have worked on MY issues. that being said, as the relationship progressed I DID work on them, and then SHE started to go downhill. I listened, but not until recently did I realize what women mean when they say "listen".ie: don't talk or offer suggestions, just smile, nod, and don't give advice, tell them itl be ok.dammit, shoulda learned that earlier. she blames the lack of affection etc on me being too needy, which to some extent is true, but the more she pulls away, the more needy I got, and then angry, and then cold, "what is the point" and id have to ASK for sex, no man should have to do that, am I right? should it also be the man constantly the one initiating things? and don't get me wrong, I was all about pleasing her, and I understood at times if she wasn't feeling it and I was, but there were far too many times.YOUR thoughts? Update: as a side note, how often would you women out there ideally want to make love in a week with your partner? if you weren't up to it and he was would you "help him out"? and visa versa?
Update: also to mention, I DID complain at times, but for the most part I talked to her about it and what it meant to me.just didn't seem to matter since she didn't feel close and held a grudge against me for not being the best boyfriend for a years time(selfish,
4 months ago
Update: also to mention, I DID complain at times, but for the most part I talked to her about it and what it meant to me.just didn't seem to matter since she didn't feel close and held a grudge against me for not being the best boyfriend for a years time(selfish,
4 months ago
This kinda reminds me of a similar scenario I went through with my EX. In the beginning of our relationship everything was simply great, then it started going down hill for both of us, especially for me. I guess what happened was that we started to get know our true selves. We were in love with the sex and each other for the first 4 or 5 months, but once we moved in together, that chemistry started to derogate. *I guess love is blind* We weren't as intimate, I started pulling away from him, he started getting mad and needy. We used to argue constantly. I have to admit, I also told him that we haven't been making love, and that he wasn't as loving as he was from the start. He really really tried to work it out, and I really cooperated with him. But even so, the chemistry was not there. It was sad for both of us, because he is truly a good man. And it l wasn't his fault, is just that the spark wasn't there any longer.
Now, regarding your question. You don't have to necessarily make love to her all the time for her to feel loved. My current guy of 4 years, makes me feel loved all the time. YES, sex is very crucial in a relationship but the things that you do out of the bedroom are very very important, because it's what's going to ignite that flame of lovemaking Do you get me? Believe me, I've learned this the hard way. The little special things that a man does to his woman, those little things, can bring big results in the bedroom.
There's not a lot I can tell you. Men have a tendency to want to fix things regardless of what the conversation is about. It's in our nature to do so. It's obvious she's got this high standard of what her boyfriend should be and when you did try it wasn't enough. It sucks when you bust your ass and it's still not enough. All you can do is learn from your past mistakes and put the effort into someone that cares about you in your next relationship. No its not all your fault. Its her fault as well for holding that grudge(what a stupid excuse) against you. The more I look at who she is I think you're better off without her. You did what you could to preserve the relationship.
asked 3 days ago
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