i wasn't even over there for 45mins. we were just hanging out and he gets a call from his girlfriend(who he's not happy with and I knew about her) and then he hangs up with her and says, "you're not gonna be mad at me are you" and "i can't tell her not to come over or she'll get really upset". so he didn't want drama, that's fine but he had told me in the past because I said I am not one for drama that I don't have to worry about anyone dropping over when I'm there because noone not even his girlfriend comes over unannounced. well that's what I'm irritated about. he said he was sorry over and over and I said I thought that he doesn't get surprise visits like that and he said her phone call was the announcement and that almost NEVER happens. but he said he was really sorry for my troubles. yeah I am not cool with the fact that I went all the way over there (he lives about a half hour from me) for nothing. I don't want that shit happening. so he said he still wanted me to text him when I got home to let him know I was safe but I said I didn't want to cause him no trouble so I didn't text him. me and him are fwb's ONLY. we do like each other but it's because we are good friends. we both have someone in our life who we're not happy with so I just wanted to put all that out there. I just think that that was a sign and maybe we should stop while we're ahead but don't know what exactly to say to him.
Update: PLEASE DON'T TELL ME I SHOULDN'T BE MESSING WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A GIRLFRIEND! Me and my buddy have an understanding and we are both in unhappy situations and that's a whole other story. I don't feel I should be lectured about who to be fwb's with.
3 months ago
Update: I feel if you guys don't want to answer the question without lecturing me then you shouldn't respond. I am not coming on here to get lectured. just some advice not to be put down when you all don't know the whole deal!
3 months ago
Hmmm, I see your point but my question is if your both with someone else why the FWB? I know that you wrote that neither of you are happy with the partner that you are with so then what's the point in being with them? I REALLY wonder if he is telling you the truth about him not being happy with his girl. This was a PLANNED get together, you went out of your way to go there & also give him pleasure & then this phone call. WHY is it that he had to answer the phone? If he's not happy with her why answer? Why let her come over? Why blow you off & not her? I'm sorry I know that it's safer to have FWB but then again is his girl out there with someone else, bringing something home to him & he's passing it along to you? Is he also out there with other girls since he is not "happy" with her & also possibly bringing home something? I'm all for FWB but to me it's more for busy people who don't have time to date or just two people well kind of exclusive so to speak filling a much need desire? Do either of you two feel that it's kind of cheating on the other person or is it just the fact that they are not getting the job done so you go elsewhere & he gets the benefits from 2 girls?
I texted him today that I was not needing the drama and I need things to be simple. we have spoke about that before. he replied back that he was really sorry and just wants to talk to me about it in person so he can explain things and also said that was something that won't happen again and he really wants to talk to me about it. we are safe and probably will talk a little more about that too like what the deal is with his girlfriend. - 3 months ago
Answerer
Of course I wish you the best & it does sound like he was sorry & is sorry. I know that he said that it would never happen again but what if?? I don't mean to be rude but & It's hard to give someone that your not a couple with an ultimatium. I know that it's hard to find a good safe guy even if it is just FWB. It's was an inconvenience & disapointment to you. On the other hand what were you to do but leave? I hope that things work out for the best & he has a good ans. for you about his gf - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Also the fact that he wants to talk to me and do it in person says a lot to me. you're right you really can't give someone who is not yours and ultimatum so I didn't even plan to do that. I just told him I can't do this if there's the potential for drama. and he said that he just wanted to talk to me face to face before I get the wrong idea and he said "just trust me" so I'm gonna see what he has to say. - 3 months ago
Answerer
So far I like a lot of what this guy has said. He wanted to know when you got home ok. He is man enough to want to talk to you face to face. He seems like he's caring so I could see why he would be your choice of FWB Only you know if his concerns are genuine. What about his girl? That's where all the potential "drama" is. I hope that everything works out for the best. You sound like a nice person who deserves this FWB to be uncomplicated. Good luck!! - 3 months ago
Question Asker
That's how I see it, he is being a man about it and that is a huge reason why I like having him as a FWB! he has treated me with nothing but respect and he is very caring towards me and that's why I truly want to keep him around. he has enough respect for me to want to explain things to help get me to the point where I'm not confused. that's what he said that he knows I'm confused that's why he wants to explain. he really is a sweet guy. and thanks for your comments, I'll keep you updated! - 3 months ago
Answerer
Yes please keep me updated & GOOD LUCK!! - 3 months ago
Question Asker
He explained to me last night that him and his girlfriend are not really committed and that he is backing off because he is not sure if he wants to be with her so he just made it clear to her that he wants to have some space. I asked him if there was anyone else because I want to be sure of who I'm sleeping with and he said there's just me and the girlfriend and he's safe with both of us. we had a great talk and I feel so much better about things!! - 3 months ago
Answerer
I'm glad that you feel better & had a good talk. It is nice to have someone mature enough to be able to talk things out with. As we have said before he does sound like a good guy. Now that he want's some space between him & his girl any chance of you two getting together or do you hope to or just plan on keeping things as they are? Again it was good to hear that things worked out o.k. John - 3 months ago
Question Asker
If things weren't so complicated right now in my life I would hope to take things further with him eventually. but right now I'm just gonna go with the flow, enjoy it and see what happens...but I'm getting scared because I feel that I am falling for him but I am very guarded when it comes to my feelings so I will proceed with extreme caution! thanks again! - 3 months ago
Answerer
Good Luck. Proceed slowly & hopefully one day........ You know (this sound stupid) but you really sound like you would make a great couple. I like the fact that he wanted to talk to you Yeah I know what you mean I fell for my best friend in the whole world (no FWB) I loved her more than anyone or anything in the whole world & I have no idea why but she just stopped talking/e mail/txt me. That was back in late March. I still think of her every day. I really understand & do wish you good luck - 3 months ago
Well, obviously he's not in control of his life (and logistics) as much as he professed himself to be, so I'd say move on. That being said, why are you still in a relationship that you're not "happy with"? That seems to be really the problem you should be looking at and not really sweat the fact that your FWB just got busted, trying to decide whether or not he's worth hanging around with.
If you're both doing this on the side, because you both have significant others that you feel you can't detach yourselves from, you need to do a hard take at your life.
If on the other hand, you have significant others that are okay with open relationships and everyone's on the up and up, then what's the problem? There's no problem. But that's not the case is it?
We are both in complicated situations and just wanted something fun and simple. we aren't expecting each other to leave our so's. I'm not sweating the fact that he got busted or deciding if he's worth hanging out with, I already know I enjoy his company and the sex so I do want to hang around with him but like I said this was a slap in the face and I think we should quit while we're ahead to avoid any drama. I just want to know how to say it to him and keep our friendship. - 3 months ago
hey girl, I'm in the same situation. really! I mean we both have someone that we are both unhappy with, and we are FWBs too! and I can't seem to figure out what to do about the situation. see the guy I'm fwbs with never has anyone announce when they are coming over and I was over there and we were fooling around and his girlfriend showed up. didn't catch us or anything cause she had to be buzzed in. but still! I feel like maybe we should just stop, but I just don't know what to say to him. I've sorta mulled over saying that we either need to be together or just be friends cause we are hurting ourselves and the people we are with too much, but I just can't seem to get it out right the way I want it to sound. I'm sorry about your situation and if you get any great advice on it throw some my way! :D
I wouldn't worry about anythin 2 much. I would wait see what he says and if you are still thinkin of quitin while ur ahead then do so just be clear about it so that neither of u's get hurt and remember not 2 get emotionally involved.
A little question 4 ya. Did u's become friends with benefits while he had a girlfriend or what happened? Did u's arrange 2 b friends with benefits rather than takin things further?
I am just curious as I am startin 2 get involved with a guy who is on the verge of a break up and I'm unsure what exactly is going 2 happen just yet. I have had a friends with benefits b4 and it was great although I don't want this guy 2 turn out the same as I actually have feelings 4 him.
We talked and talked it over and knew that we are both unhappy in our relationships but are very attracted to each other and just decided to take the flirting to another level since we are both on the verge of breakups but we do understand that we aren't putting any pressure on each other to break up with our so's and rush into a relationship with each other. we just had everything on the table before jumping into bed. we like each other and have respect for each other and it is great sex!! - 3 months ago
Why are you messing with a guy who even has a girlfriend? That's where you f***ed first. There's nothing wrong with a friend with benefits, but not one with a girlfriend/boyfriend. Just find a new one.
I did not come on here for people to tell me who to be fwb's with? like I said we are both in situations and that's a whole other long story so all you who say this don't even know what the deal is. and nowhere in my question did I ask if I should be fwb's with this guy because we BOTH have someone? I was asking what exactly I should say to cut it off but keep the friendship. I don't feel I should be put down for something that me and a guy have an understanding about and I am a grown woman. - 3 months ago
Answerer
What a crybaby. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah whatever. crybaby, I don't think so. I don't think you're even mature enough to even understand. I wonder how many questions you have on here that people think you're being a crybaby about. haha. - 3 months ago
Answerer
None. You just need to learn to be a grown woman about things and learn how to handle situations on your own. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah I doubt that. do you tell everyone that who comes on here and asks advice because that's what this site is for. not for judgment. you don't know me so get a life and stop trying to tell me about myself when you're on here doing the same thing I am, just getting advice. I handle plenty of situations on my own. I don't need to validate myself for being on this site to some immature, bitter, little girl! go to the mall or something. - 3 months ago
WHY?? Are you wasting your time having a conversation with a girl who is under 18 & is not old enough to understand??? She is making things worse not better. - 3 months ago
Question Asker
She was out of line! that's why I said what I had to say and blocked her, lol. - 3 months ago
I'm sorry but I don't understand why you two would stay with the people you aren't happy with? Really? That's quite a mean thing to do. And in all honesty I don't feel bad for you at all because you decided to be the FWB. Which means he doesn't have to do anything. He can tell you to go whenever. It's not nice, but really? What do you expect? It's his girlfriend. I would break up with the ones you are with now and then have a FWB relationship. That way you don't have to worry about any girlfriends interrupting you.
I agree, both of you are being unfaithful 2 other people. If your not happy go your seperate ways. b4 you get involved with someone else. Rather its friends with benefits or not. if his girlfriend is coming over you are going 2 be the 1 who has 2 leave. Even if its wrong because you should not be in the pic anyways she has the right 2 come over and see her man who she probably assumes doesn't have 2 kick someone else out 2 just come see him. I'm sure if tables were turned you would feel you should be to visit ur boyfriend if you want - 3 months ago
Question Asker
I'm not saying that I shouldn't have had to leave. we are in this situation because it's our decision and we know the current situation we're both in and there's a lot more to the story that I don't wanna go on and on about..complicated stuff that's why we can't just break up with our SO's. that's not what I brought this up for to get a lecture on who I should be fwb's with. my question is how I should say to him that we need to stop because I want to salvage the friendship. - 3 months ago
Answerer
In that case. Yes. get out of this FWB relationship ASAP - 3 months ago
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When: 3 months ago
