I Need Satisfaction?!

There is not going to be any instant gratification in your situation. My suggestion is to remember what it was like when you two first started dating. What did the two of you do in the beginning? I mean you don't want to be the old guy at the club or anything but think about what made her swoon. The key to sex with a man is just being sexual but the key to sex with a woman is romance and emotions. If you can dig up those old emotions she had for you, you may be able to revive things. It is hard for me to understand the women who feel this way. I have been with my husband for over 7 years now and married for 6 months. It seems my sex drive is higher than his. It may have something to do with my red hair (The rumors are true. We're crazy!). What I am trying to say is I feel you. If my mans willingness to please was once or twice a month I would go bonkers! Sex is a MAJOR part of a marriage and feeling desired is a major part of being human. If you feel uncomfortable having a conversation about this with her try writing her a letter. Don't be accusatory but loving. Suggest counseling. Not necessarily for the sex but for the relationship and sex can be brought up. Usually if a woman doesn't want to have sex it is because she is not being stimulated enough emotionally. If you can find how to stimulate her emotionally in the way she wants you will be primed to receive the stimulation you need. So get a babysitter and plan a fancy date or weekend all by your self and surprise her with it. Just remember it will take time. I feel for you man. Good luck!
This website may be helpful.
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Get over it. I have NO ONE. How do you think I feel? I would keal over if someone would just have a conversation with me. Stop taking things for granted don't be so selfish.

so what I'm understanding is since your wife doesn't satisfy you sexually, your considering and affair?

may I ask why is sex so important ?

marriage means forever, so for both people to be happy together, you have to talk and compromise. did you tell her how you feel? if you did, well, tell her, you don't want to cheat on her, but she has to meet you halfway. A marriage should have everything included in it. So, if somethins's missing you should be able to fix it. you know?

Okay, first, when you marry a person that means you are committing yourself to her and apparently you were okay with that when you said 'I do'. Marriage isn't perfect and although I have never been married and I'm quite a few years younger then you; I understand that marriage is different then just dating someone. Its work and the two of you have a problem, but honestly what marriage doesn't have problems? I mean you have been married for a while, the honeymoon stage is over! Been there, done that, right? Luckily there is help out there that can help the both of you! Take advantage! I suggest telling her if you didn't already first, maybe she doesn't even no it’s a problem since you claim she doesn't care. Maybe you two should talk to someone. I heard getting 'comfortable' is bad! I don't know what you look like, honestly you could be the hottest man I ever seen, but maybe working on your appearance could help. You said you have kids; maybe she is just too tired for sex? I swear sometimes I feel like that and I don't even have kids! Maybe take her out to a spa for a special treat, then take her out to dinner, see what happens next. GOOD LUCK!

Whatever you do don't cheat. I'm not kinky at all in the bedroom and I hate guys who are. I think anything other than penetrtion is disgusting.

Get a girlfriend, sorry I know a lot of women here are going to get royally pissed but I have to say the truth. In your case, this is a viable alternative. You can still love her, cherish her and take care of her. She doesn't have to ever find out. If you are really lucky, you will find yourself an unhappy Wife looking for a boyfriend and believe me there are plenty out there.

Let us not kid ourselves, we are adults and let us be honest here. This guy isn't happy in his marriage and he is miserable. it isn't just the sex. His wife has completely disassociated her affections from him.

P.S. I am clicking Anonymous. :-)

Sadly I know first hand exactly how you feel :(

tell her what you just told us.better yet, show her what you typed, either she will change her attitude, or she wont, if she doesnt, divorce her.

i feel your pain. it seems a lot of women have absolutely no understanding of male sex drive, and also that after a decade or more of being together other interests invade & you can get taken for granted.

hopefully after 16 years you can have a frank discussion about how important this sort of thing is - especially the fact that you feel unwanted (i'm guessing too that with kids around you're feeling kind of superfluous in your wife's life.). you might also try asking her if there's anything that would prompt her to be more playful, or anything she's fantasised about that you could try.

happily most relationship counselors & pundits (even those with a religious bent) are up-front about how important the physical side of the relationship is, so there's plenty of (objective) material for you show her about maintaining healthy relationships.

good luck with this - the same situation happened to me a few of years ago & I ended up having an affair (which started just by having someone who wanted to spend time with me), which eventually ended up in all sorts of grief & recriminations; I wouldn't suggest this course of action, though you may be sorely tempted.


has your wife always been this way or have things "cooled off" over the years? maybe something in her life is causing her to feel detached & unwanted by you? when my wife & I picked up the pieces she said things seemed like a vicious circle - she wasn't close to me, so I stopped being close to her, and she read *that* part & withdrew more. perhaps you'll have a chance to break your own cycle now by talking with her as directly as possible.

also, in case you're thinking that a trip away would help inject a new spark, let me tell you that I actually tried this - I organised a luxury diving trip away in the tropics ($$$), yet we didn't have sex the entire week we were away! I mean come on! in retrospect I think this is because we didn't have it out beforehand - I was hoping the holiday (and we don't have many holidays of any kind) would help bring us together, but in the end it actually pushed us apart more :/

so - have the talk.

good luck & I hope you have success in turned things around, or at the very least work out a way forward without remaining in your current limbo.