A nice guy but a little -- well a lot, handsy...What do you think?

Question

I went to dinner with this guy and then back to his house to watch a movie.  We cuddled and he kept just grabbing me and putting me on top of him, contorting my legs and torso, rubbing his hands all over my stomach, kissing my stomach, etc.  I kept trying to push his hands away and I kept telling him he's so bad but sometimes he wouldn't back off.  He seemed almost too aggressive but then playful so it was hard for me to tell him to stop.  It doesn't really sound like a big deal right? Cuddling and making out.  I don't know, he just seemed really strong and forceful at times.  I'm all for play wrestling but when you're pinning me down just because you can it didn't feel quite right.And then he told me his dad doesn't let him have girls stay over so he took me home.  He was nice and everything on the car ride home, told me he'd text me tomorrow.  And he just texted me good night.What do you think? He's smart, nice, funny, sarcastic, hot...pretty much everything I want in a guy.  He said he can't help he's affectionate.

coconutfroyo · Accepted Answer

Hi. If his rampant sexual advances bother you, then it is a big deal, because feeling safe and secure is part and parcel with being in a successful relationship. Still, these enthusiastic acts don't make him a bad guy; not respecting your boundaries, however, does.

Nonetheless, guys can be oblivious and girls, to us, can seem ambiguous. So give him a chance. My advice: before he has another opportunity to overwhelm you with his affection, tell him, in no uncertain terms, that he is making you uncomfortable by moving too fast. You can be blunt and civil at the same time. Add in that he seems like a nice guy, just that you aren't ready for this type of bonding.

Now personally, if a pretty Korean girl were to tell me, in the midst of my passionate advances, that "you're so bad," I might mistakenly misinterpret it as a positive, not nervous and negative, comment. It could, on my end, be viewed as a cue to continue my salacious behavior. You can't be subtle with guys.

Anyway, I'd say I'm all of the good things you listed this guy as, so if it doesn't work out... I'm kidding. But really, a girl like you shouldn't have to put up with this brand of BS. So if this one doesn't get the memo, then I am sure plenty of guys would be more than happy--and dare I say lucky--to take his place.

By the way, you have good taste in music. Rock rocks. :)

TheGodEmperorLeto · Accepted Answer

He wanted to initiate sex with you... badly. And it sounds like he's not respecting your wishes when he won't stop when you tell him to. I don't really see guys getting that affectionate when they are on their first date (I think it is right?) with someone unless they're also trying to have it lead to more. Personally, if that was a first date going back to his place was a bad move. It always sends the signal (these days) that you're willing to go all the way to guys.

I'd say you definitely need to tell him he can't do that. That you don't like being forcefully grabbed and such especially when you say stop. Honestly, I'd bet he's not really "just that affectionate" and more "I want that ass" :\ but I also have a very low trust in the people these days. You need to tell him you weren't comfortable with that and tell him, if you really are, that you're not going to just "give it up" and if that's all he wants he should find another.

What was the reason you went back to his place? I mean, considering the way our society is these days, wouldn't that seem reasonable that most guys are going to think that means you're interested in doing things in private? Just saying :\

Hope he won't act like a douche and try and force himself on you or anything later if you do date him more.

Leeni · Accepted Answer

I have been there. Those guys will push you and push you until they get what they want, I don't think its being overly affectinate, its just not knowing how to accept the word 'no'. Its good that you can stay strong and not give into the pressure from him. I think maybe he just assumed he could get some straight off the bat, and now obviously he realized that isn't the case, so he may be more patient if you see him again. I personally don't like guys who are forceful in a playful way, enough to make me feel uncomfortable. As the girl said below, trust your instincts, if something doesn't feel right, it probably isnt. And you shouldn't keep seeing someone who makes you feel uncomfortable.

fairyjones · Accepted Answer

I would go with my gut instinct here.

If you really like him I'd talk with him and tell him all the handsy sh*t is making you a bit uncomfortable. Of course, I trust you would out it a lot more nicely and lightly.

But really, if your getting a weird vibe from him or are feeling unsettled with him, just forget it. Remember at the end of the day that we are all just animals, and animals go by their instinct.

Felynn · Accepted Answer

Maybe you're not being very clear about what you want? Telling a guy he's "so bad" can actually be encouraging him lol. There's a fine line between playful struggling and trying to say no to a guy. So just make it very clear, no giggling and use firm language. And don't start kissing again a second later. Otherwise it can be very confusing for a guy.

TheGoodTheBadTheHOT · Answer

He's a guy, I could say that he wants sex, but I doubt that is new to your ears. Basically as Brando said; if you're uncomfortable then start making obvious (bur temporary) boundaries.

DaveMicharl69 · Answer

Maybe he is a great guys who just likes you, so lay down some ground rules & let him know he can cuddle & be affectionate but he needs to keep his hands "less busy" & if that's too much to ask then think about getting away from him. My friend hooked up with a guy that kept coming up behind her & untucking the back of her shirt. When they had some privacy he tried it again, but when she yried to tuck it in again he forced her to take it off & let him "make use of her cleavage", if you get my meaning. Nice guys who TRULY like you & want more than one thing, when you set the ground rules & they realized they've offended you or crossed the line, they will be MORE THAN HAPPY to back off, even if they do still show you affection still in a more appropriate manner...

MandMandM · Answer

> I went to dinner with this guy

Glad your eating disorder is resolved from a couple of weeks ago.

You know how to handle yourself with guys and have no problems getting them. If you want this guy he is obviously up for you. If you don't move on, it is unlikely to be a long drought.

Brando · Answer

Start setting boundaries then.

Brentonvvvv · Answer

Watch out! He wants your body and is willing to make you uncomfortable to get what he needs...

werewolf2814 · Answer

Well from your follow up I think you did the right thing. But be warned from a self described "masher" a guy that enjoys groping will bide his time but the second you let him he is gonna tickle & grope & kiss the bejesus outta you he may be handsy because he is a tactilosexual meaning he derives sexual pleasure from his hands. I am much the same way. A girl offers me a bj or to let me tickle her & play with her boobies 7/10 I'm doing the tickling & groping. Hell I cum harder fisting a girl than I do from fucking one.

jacquesvol · Answer

You're on your way to experience a date rape. Stop him.

snackeyg · Answer

Makes me feel like potential for rape or something more being forced. Or an attempt at it at least. It  is a big deal. Don't let that continue and talk to him about it. I know you're probably happy that you potentially found a guy but you can't just over look him being forceful. It's something that can happen to anyone very easily.

nottacougar · Answer

Take your time and don't let him control the situations. Its good that you talked things throughand he was receptive. Even at my age asome guys can get aggressive and very dominant. Holding you down shows he is turned in by being dominant. It takes time to know someone and trust them to respect your pace and comfort zone when it comes to sex. Don't send mixed messages be very clear about what you want. Most importantly be very sure in yourself what you want.