How come when a guy complains, rants, whines a lot, it makes him look weak, pathetic, less of a man, why?

He SAID that? Just spam/report him and move on...

Meanwhile, ranting takes up a lot of space and energy. It IS healthy to vent, it's not very healthy to dwell. I think the guy was trying to help you out by saying you should pick up the pieces, dust yourself off, and move on. I definitely agree with you that HIS mode of expression was WAY off, though!

Try talking this out with different types of people. Refocus your energy in a more positive direction, and this stuff won't be an issue because you've fulfilled other aspects of your life.

Because no one likes winey guys!

woman are also criticised being too needy or whining.. you are right we all have the right to be in a bad mood.. the partner has to be patient on that.. anyway, even a boy or girl, a person who is always needy, is not attractive.. in addition, people don't want to deal with people who need support, they are after easy relationship... those people are selfish, but there are people out there that wants to be eith easy going people.. and I aggree with you, this is not just, everybody can be pissed off sometime, their partners should not accuse them..

Anyone guy, or girl who complains, rants, raves, complains, whines, etc is annoying regardless of sex. No guy wants a woman like that and no girl wants a man like that. People just settle for those kind of people because they think that's all they can get.

i don't think its that weird... it makes me feel not that weird myself if I see someone else do..it depends if people critisize.

Testosterone does not make people more assertive. That's a stereotype that society has created to give men power. But power comes with responsibility, which like you said, is not always a good thing.

I am not really sure what kind of answer you are looking for. It sounds like you are just looking for someone to agree with you, and are not really looking for any outside input. Frankly, I'm sorry that you're annoyed. To be honest, I know what you mean. I am a woman, but am not allowed to complain for different reasons. As a woman, we are "whinny", "bitchy", and "weak." So my problems are automatically less worrisome than a man's. If I complain, it isn't as big of a deal as a man's problems would be.
Society sucks for all of us. Double-standards screw us all over, at some point. Try and let it roll off you, if you can. Someday gender stereotypes will decrease. But until that day, we need to hold our heads high and try and get through it together. Good luck!

I think there is a difference of just whining because you can and when you have an actual problem at hand. If your complaining is warranted then I don't find it annoying. It's just when some guys go on and on about how no one likes them and have that 'feel sorry for me' attitude that it does get annoying. It gets annoying to me when anyone does it, not just guys.

ive never heard of or even thought of a guy being weak because he bitches. he's human! he has every right.

Don't hate the game. Learn the rules. It has been like this for centuries. You can try to change it in your life by being a complain little boy and see what happen. Suck it up, what a idiot you are making of yourself. If you can't handle the game then don't play it. Don't be hating on people and cussing other out because can't handle what reality is. You can fantasize and think that there is no war or genocide. But just look at the world. You are whiney and that is a turn off in girls or guys.

hum, I just thought it was a guys personality that made them less...outspoken?...All the guys in my physics class at my uni don't really voice complaints...but then again most of them are older...like in their late 20's to early 30's

Make a long story short, it looks pathetic because "guys" regardless of what society says or does always want to pretend! Pretend to be macho, to be the one with "the brains", to be whatever else you want to pretend to be. Maybe if you stop pretending and just be yourself regardless even if it comes with you whining no one will consider you weak! When you are confident in who you are you could care less what someone else has to say. If you are always pretending just to make others feel confident in you that is when it becomes a burden and you then have to protect your pretense by not cracking. #too much work, it's not worth it! Someone is bound to see you crack and will start looking at you side ways.

Vonda G. Nelson

i don't think it does. I think the reason he's upset is more important than the fact that he's upset and I think its manly to face your emotions, and to get angry, and do something about the thing you're angry about. its better than keeping it inside and not doing sh*t about it. I have more respect for the guy who tells someone off than the one who bows his head down and walks away.

Hey, don't ever say you feel like cutting a person off from their dreams and their purpose and life over something that is really trivial compared to killing. I know you're upset, and it's honestly the picture our culture has painted. Women are supposedly more vulnerable and frilly, while men are supposed to be tough all the time. I know everyone has their boiling point, but whining is honestly unattractive to me on both men and women (especially in public). Maybe, try relating your emotion in a way that seems less "girly"; like talking about it in a downcast voice minus the whine with your closest friend. Odds are, you've either been whining in public, or painting your heart to too many people that you may not be able to trust. Find that one person and lean on them and the LORD is my answer.

I really hope things get better! :)

I don't find it weak to bitch about something...
I find it annoying to the point of a person driving me away if he/she does it too often.

Everyone complains, and no matter the sex (because I really don't give a BeeeeeeeP) it's extremely annoying. I even hate it more when a girl complains - because some of them have really high pitched voices and my ears just can't handle it! x)

You hate double standards, yet you'd willing commit domestic violence. You're just a piece of sh*t, and that's why no one likes you.

I would think anyone who whines or complains a lot would be annoying.
Unless they're complaining for a good enough reason, like, if someone had a flat tire or if someone got lost I could see why they would be angry or frustrated.

You sound like a child. Maybe you like boys?

It's just how it is in society.How come girls get called being a whore/slut for having sex with a guy in high school when if a guy has sex with a girl they get praise from their friends? I guess that's just how it is.

Complaining about something doesn't make you less of a man, but the way your going about it just makes you sound like your having a sh*t fit which isn't attractive in either sex.Generally yes it is more excepted in woman, but that's because we're seen as being the more inferior sex. Personally I've thought that if guys have a problem with one another they talk face to face, have a punch up or whatever... not bitch and complain on the net, which is something I've always admired about guys.

if he can't grow a pair and shut the f*** up, its his problem.

generally people don't like whiney bitches, despite gender...

we know women have real problems that deserve complaining about, so get over it

society. Guys are expected to be stable, strong, and healthy. Seriously, the last guy that complained and act like 5 when is 18 was my stalker. So, I am always a little weirded out when guys acts needy.

Society expects you to adapt because you are a man. Well, guess what, society expects me to adapt because I am a woman. I guess that needing to adapt isn't a man thing. I guess it's a human thing.

I am guessing that what your friends (or society?) is trying to tell you is that there is no benefit in complaining about anything. Every now and then, both men and women find comfort in a friend that will listen to how hard life has been. And this is very important (in my opinion, sacred) but it does not change the fact that life is hard, and all of us need to keep rolling with the punches.

In the beginning I had no problem whatsoever if a guy shows his emotions in front of me...shows me that he's comfortable. My current boyfriend tends to complain about every damn thing tho. And I try to sympathize with him...but he gets on my f**king nerves. If circumstances come up and I can't see him he complains. If his friends party and he doesn't he complains...if his friends and their other friends have a argument he complains. Someone has something that he doesn't have he complains. I just wanna slap him sometimes and just yell SHUT UP!...I'm not an emotional person so he calls me insensitive.
I still love him but when he gets like that it's a turn. BITCH, RANT, YELL, CRY if you have to BUT got damnit...not every freaking sec, min, hr and day.

I agree. 'Man up' is one of the most sexist turn of phrases we still have floating around society today. People don't realize that men are being repressed- though it is often other men that are repressing them. Show all the emotion you want, it doesn't make you any less of anything.

'Man up' also implies that it is a negative thing to be showing a 'feminine' character trait, because 'feminine' is apparently 'bad'.

Always good to remember though, that whiners (both male and female) are annoying, and people will stop listening to you if you keep complaining about the same thing while doing nothing about it. And kicking someone's ass doesn't show you have balls or a spine, it just shows you have a short fuse.

I'd also like to point out that, after his sexist slur, this guy makes a lot of sense. No one owes you sex or a relationship, and you need to realize that you don't NEED a woman. You need to be happy in yourself before finding someone to share that happiness with, or you will never have a fulfilling relationship.

Not sure just the way it is .

Before we know it, men are going to be more feminine than women & women more masculine than men.

Y'all, life isn't a competition over who has it worse. Life sucks sometimes and is often unfair.
The stigmas we all are stuck with suck rotten assholes; some of us just hate that fact more than others.

I think you're going to end up a very bitter person if you keep on being angry over society, your friends, whomever, not being accepting of you or what you believe, stand for, whatever. If you want to be different and go against social norms and whatnot then do it, but don't complain if people reject you.

I don't think we need to just get along and play nice, because discussion about our differences is what creates growth and change. Since we are different, we can't possibly agree all the time. However, I think we should try to think about things from other peoples' perspectives instead of thinking that we are better than them because we perceive our troubles to be more substantial.

Also, apart from the purely physical differences, our problems are exactly the same.

Girls have freedom to cry it's our nature to be sweet and sensitive. It's just the law of... Earth?

Anyone who complains a lot is annoying. We all have stuff to complain about but what we chose to focus on is what will define how happy we are. I personally stay away from chronic complainers, man or woman.

Cause usually girls have that job :)

How come when a guy has sex he's pretty much praised by his friends and it's s good thing while when a girl has sex she's labeled as a slut?

Its not like that all the time just sometimes people just look at men to be strong or tough and confident, and to take things like a man lol. Its been like this forever, but will change when we are all seen equally.

i find guys complain more then men but I hang out with more men then women (I don't really get along with females) so I don't really care if a man whines or not of course it depends why he's whining if its about something stupid I make fun of him lightly if its something that is serious like bad day at work and boss is riding him I try to help him through it

double-standards

Okay, I can't disagree because clearly it's happened to you which is unfortunate.
But let us note that if a girl complains or gets angry she's seen as an overemotional, whiny bitch, too. Only more so because now she fits the stereotypes of her gender.

If any gender gets overemotional its generally unattractive because no one wants to have to deal with someone else's sh*t, unfortunately, unless they are of importance to the one listening.

And just so you know not everyone thinks you have to initiate things, I've initiated every single one of my relationships in the past 4 years of my life. But you can't expect people to come to you all the time, either. It's an experience of pure chance, people are just as shy as you are.

And if you have personal problems, its not the best idea to post them on a dating website. No one wants a relationship that starts with baggage like that, go to someone you can trust, or a site like here.

YOUR WRITING SAYS IT ALL. YOU'RE JUST AN ANNOYING, WHINY KID WHO COMPLAINS ANONYMOUSLY ON THIS WEBSITE. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEND THIS ESSAY TO OPRAH, SERIOUSLY.

Double standards. Men are supposed to be tough and "take it like a man". Women are supposed to be more emotional and "fragile". I'm not saying it's right but that's just how it is. Sorry.

AMEN!

which is why I hate being male at times

because women, girls, females are EVIL!

an excuse? Double standards? Are you really this f***ing stupid to be mad that you are male? Maybe you get mad when other things beyond your control happen too, like when it rains or when there's traffic. Seriously, your just a little bitch who can't accept things the way they are(aka growing up) and want to bitch and whine like a baby. "Wahhh its not fair that I have to go for what I want in life! The girl I like should DO AL LTHE WORK AND COME TO ME! And when I'm hungry, the hamburger should RUN OUT OF MCDONALDS INTO MY MOUTH TOO! WAHHHHHHHHHHH!" - Question asker

Everybody gets pi$$ed off and gets into a rant, I do too. But when you rant about stuff every single day,especially over little stuff,well, it gets old bro.

well if you actually had balls youd know, so your implying that girls don't have a take charge attitude?

BY DEFINITION there are "masculine" and "feminine" traits. whining complaining ranting are inherently "feminine" traits. don't believe me? take your girlfriend or mom to a bad dinner, or ask your girlfriend or mom about the women at their work. you won't hear the end of it, then ask them about it 3 months from then, still won't hear the end of it. yeah buddy be a man.

i complain a lot. no shame.

Being a drama queen is a turnoff regardless what sex you are. But yes, it is a double standard against men and slightly more acceptable for women to be drama queens.

But one thing I really struggled with growing up was trying to bottle my emotions and frustrations and trying to be "manly" about it. Because I was on weird medications back then, these medications would cause me to get extremely painful headaches when I got really frustrated or angry; they were painful enough to make me start tearing up, but in worse case scenarios they'd make me cry. And crying is taboo if you're a man (thanks to society). For many years I thought it was normal for everyone to get painful headaches under intense anger and/or frustration. That is, until someone told me otherwise.


This is why I don't take anti depressants anymore.

well dude, you prob shouldn't bitch so much. not being a d*** or what ever, but its a turnoff no mater what gender it is. if people are telling you your acting like a women when your bitchin or complaining, then you probably bitch A LOT. tone it down a bit, keep some of your bitchyness to yourself. I bet people will love being with you a whole lot more. and the answer that guy gave you on plenty of fish. that was a good response.. id take his advise tbh. and to be honest, with your updates. it really does look like you bitch constantly. and you want to kill someone over the computer? ooookay... dude you need to grow up a bit and chillllll out. not saying I don't hate double standards with men and women, but this is one that really isn't even a double standard. I hate it equally if a man or woman bitches about something.

because it shows how immature and not like a man he is.

They are so nice
please plut: www . soozone . com

fg

Its not a double standard _in society_. This comes down fundamentally to the fact that men and women are NOT THE SAME when it comes to sex and any behavior (like dating) around sex.

Men are physically capable of having hundreds of children. Women might have a half dozen. Women have evolved viewing each sexual act as potentially being an investment of years in that male's offspring. A weak, needy man is less likely to be helpful as a father, but even worse, is likely to produce a weak child who saps the mother's resources while not being successful. Women who mated with guys like that had kids who died off and we are not their descendants.

At the same time, for most of human evolution, males had a more general allegiance 'to their tribe'. They would often have not known which children were theirs. I think we still see that today, mean are more likely to be self sacrificing for strangers, women will do anything for their own kids (even screwing over other people).

I understand that you can 'be a strong tough man' while still complaining and ranting, but sex was for most of human evolution such a risky thing that they are hypersensitive to anything that suggests that kind of weakness. Women may want great sex as much (or more) then men, but they are far more easily turned _off_.

Stop blaming society. You can blame nature and evolution if you like, but you wouldn't be here without it. I think its also counterproductive to think of yourself as being defective or that something is wrong with the true you. YOU are the product of evolution. Being the kind of man that women want IS inside you, You just need to let that man out.

I love seeing men awaken to reality its a beautiful thing!

i think you'll like this: link

I don't appreciate some girls' answers that reek of double standard, but what you're doing isn't attractive. You have to OWN who you are. Anger, yelling at people, and things like that that you are doing show you are out of CONTROL. Women like men who are in control. That doesn't mean unhealthy, macho/dominant control like a gang member or a drug lord, but in control of their life.

If you weighted 150 pounds and someone called you fat, you'd laugh at them all day. It would never bother you. It's obvious something's bothering you. That's what's unattractive... letting it get to you. Be confident and in control of who you are.

I'm a more sensitive guy and find many of these macho guys fake and annoying. Yes, some girls will go for these guys but those girls are not worth having. The mere fact that you let these immature girls upset you is part of your problem. It's like you want these girls who want jerks as some kind of accomplishment just because they're hot, when you know deep down those girls are not for you. So what if a segment of girls fall for the fake-macho act? Plenty of women like sensitivity and emotions, but it has to be natural and who you REALLY are, not just a passive aggressive act to get attention and whine and complain about not dating.

Be happy you're not dating the bad girls and go find the right ones. A MAN is one who is control of his destiny; he doesn't let life control him, he controls his life. That, not douchy macho posturing, is what makes a man attractive.

haha its not society

the world is the way it is

just like men naturally hate women for LTR who are sluts, women hate men who are weak, complain, bitch, moan exc...

i prescribe to you a healthy dose of man the f*** up

Omg,. am loving this.. more comments plllllsssss/... brb.. gona go get some drinks and pop corn

Well, its the same mentality that others have towards men expressing feelings that overall make them the basket case of broken relationships.

I'm guessing its because its
1) the stigma that men have no feelings
2) the lack of give a damns guys have towards other guy drama

I am unsure if the whole "be a man" stereotype is getting better or worse

Nobody said 'Man up, grow a pair, be a man'? I'm disappointed

cuz women dun gotz no brainz and confrom to the male ideology of gender roles

Because that's what being a man is, dude. Take a look at any guy that women think is "drop dead sexy". They all have that swagger, that attitude. Being a man means being able to take control, take charge of situations, fix things, and be a dependable, reliable "rock". Women are highly emotionally-charged. What's the point of a woman looking for a man that's just as emotionally charged as she is? There's no counterbalance.

The guy that posted to you is right. Women DON'T owe you anything. Think of it like a car dealership - do they drive the car to your door and ask you if you want to take it for a spin? No, you have to go to them and ask. Women are the same - they have something you want, and they're aware of it, so there's really no incentive for THEM to come to YOU, especially if you're whining and carrying on. It's not attractive, period.

If you hate the rules of the game, stop playing. No one is forcing you to be a "take charge" kind of guy, but on the flip side of that, don't cry when women aren't attracted to you or don't throw themselves at your feet. They have every right to be attracted to whomever they want, and if you're not displaying characteristics that women find attractive, oh well.

It's not "unfair" - there's no Bill of Rights that says "women must be attracted to certain characteristics in men OR ELSE". It's their body and their life. If you don't respect that, you'll EN EE VEE EE ARR get a real date, period.

Further, kicking someone's ass is probably the LEAST mature way to handle a situation, so that shows where your mentality is. Once you grow up a little and evolve past "RAWR WE DISAGGRE IMMA KICK YOUR AZZ BRAH" then maybe you'll understand what being a real man is all about.

hey stop being a bitch about it, man up or get a sex change

Dude, any guy who doesn't have composure is immature. It's as simple as a baby having a tantrum.

That's why women don't like it and why other guys think it's weak. It's a weakness of your mental state if you're having outbreaks of emotional expression.

It's not WRONG to feel upset or frustrated or angry or anything. And it's not WRONG to express those feelings. But when you're acting out, or when you lack composure, then other people will realize that they can't trust you.

It's takes a person of maturity to handle disappointment and excitement in a calibrated socially acceptable way. Composure is a sign of strength.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

man please just stop complaining. It is a weakness. We as humans make our own destiny. Find our own happiness. Complaining doesn't solve anything and in your case is just making it worse. It is eating you up. You are going crazy in your own thoughts. Take a step back. breath and take charge of your life. If things go bad, pick yourself up and get going agian. Women like confidence...sorry but you are not going to defeat a 100,000 years of evolution. it has nothing to do with society...the problem with society is that people confuse cockiness with confidence. But unless something happnes that sends us back to the stone age. Cocky pricks are going to get laid a lot more then people that complain to much. And just for the record...any girl that overly complains about guys treating her like turd get laughed at and a big middle finger from me. Dump the bastard, stop dating asshats, and learn to get better selfesteem. This is life man. you can fight it every day for the rest of your life...but you will probably die of a heart attack at 50 from frustration and stress.

Dude. You sound like a total little girl.

Might not be fair, but the men that are prissy and stuck up and complain a lot are usually gay men or beta males.

Honestly, you ARE acting childish by venting and ranting about it instead of LEARNING from your frustrations.

Sure its "OK" to get pissed off, frustrated with life etc just like every other human being does, but when you start making it into a HABIT to complain, get sympathy from others for how "terrible" your life is etc etc , that's when your starting to turn into a bitch.

That might be harsh but consider this: there are people who are starving, no money, live in veryy very sh*tty conditions, have diseases rampant etc etc and they don't complain AT ALL. You on the other hand are complaining that some guy on an internet forum site hurt your precious feelings... You ARE whining like ababy, so stfu! Remember there are people in a million times worse situations than yours who don't have the internet to bitch like some crybaby!

Because we are men. Women are fueled by emotion. We have to be the ones with reason. Women are just emotional so it's a man's responsibility to balance that with some reason. Not trying to sound sexist as men are emotional to but not to the extent of women in my opinion. As a man, you should have no time to cry. Only time to make things the way they should be. Fighting someone because they insult you is stupid. Do you know how many people pack heat? I'd think twice over physical confrontation over words.

meh, I don't bitch because nobody listens anyway, but people expect me to play therapist to their problems I just feel like saying stfu, I just don't care. unless iam talking to someone who actually cares about my problems, then its mutual, and ill actually care in return.

if a persons constantly venting on me, and doesn't care what I have to say, ill tell them to f off and tune them out

chill man grow up and be a man stop crying many guys have had it harder and have gone threw more sh*t than you will ever know. you will know when life is hard when other people give you pitty on your sorry life.

i a gree with them

It makes you look like less of a man because it's what a 4 year old does. Complaining is underlining where exactly you are too fragile for life on your own as an adult. Sure, sh*t sucks, but do you have the strength to soak up the annoyances, and bear up the hurt and burdens life throws at you? It's one thing to get pissed off, but it's something else entirely to whine like a child about it. I can see you are venting. But doesn't it p*ss you off when someone starts whining in the middle of your b!tching? It makes you look like less of a man because it's what a 4 year old does. Complaining is underlining where exactly you are too fragile for life on your own as an adult.

As for threatening to kick asses online... type is cheap.

I agree...but here's the thing...You know this. It's unfair perhaps, but life's not always fair.

Here's the thing...because you know this...what are you going to do with that knowledge?

Probably the best thing to do is to modify your behavior based on the knowledge that you have. If you know you'll be viewed poorly by a certain behavior...modify it. Maybe bith less, but get your point across. If you need to vent, just vent to a make friend instead.

Let's face it: the guy from Plentyoffish is absolutely right. It's the proactive guy that generally gets the girl. Complaining about it changes nothing.

Because whining, complaining, and ranting are usually doing little to fix the problem at hand. Doesn't matter if it's about women, jobs, sex, appearance, whatever- you're not helping by just whining about it. Same goes for women, although it's more acceptable for them- when was the last time you heard a woman bitch and though "poor girl, she must really have it bad"? Women don't like childish guys, and we don't like childish women.

You're not perfect and you never will be, but you better not stop trying.

because the world, society, culture, and women too, will always expect us men to carry the burden, weight of the life's problems upon our shoulders

because women want a man that can protect them when they are at their weakest. they want a guy who is in control of a situation and keeps a cool head under stress. why do they want this? because they are really emotional when it comes to times like these and they need a guy who keeps his cool for both of them instead of whining or crying along with her. they want a shoulder to lean on. that doesn't mean that you can't talk to her about your feelings but you need to show that you can handle situations that require you to think more logically than with emotions.

you sound really whiny, desperate, and to put it shortly like a little bitch. hope you grow out of it soon.

Way I see it, to survive as a modern man your friends have to be a support group and you have to be a rock to your girl. If you have good friends, then this can be accomplished, because few women really want to deal with a man's emotions since most women are too self-involved to be able to see outside of themselves anyway. But, if you can find a woman that will stay with you despite seeing you in your weak moments, you stay with her and treat her right. But that's a rarity at your age, and most women don't reach that point until they get older.

This is a long question. Forgive me if I miss the point and my question is a little vague as I may have forgotten some points. Guys are typically seen as the dominant gender. From the beginning of humanity, we have been the providers and protectors of women. This means that the stronger we are, the smarter and more dominant, the better. Complaining, sooking and getting upset are natural male emotions but society dictates that we hide them. There's nothing wrong with complaining when things aren't going your way just keep it under moderation. That being said. Some girls like sensitive men.

P.S.
I understand that women ARE equal and we don't have to provide or protect. Don't get that confused.

~Distant

Because only men have the strength to bare the entire world on their shoulders

link

women are weak

Because women have made tremendous social gains by being whiny, and they fear that if men start doing the same, they'll be set back themselves.