I have been dating a guy for about a month now. We had sex pretty soon into the relationship. We hang out and I stay with him several times a week (2-3 times). But we have only had sex twice. Most nights I stay over there, he doesn't touch me at all. He doesn't kiss me, doesn't cuddle, nothing. He seems to really like me, always wants to see me, and calls me just to say "hey." He tells me often how attractive I am and that I'm hot, etc. He always kisses me and hugs me goodbye. When we do sexual things, he says I'm great, and said I gave him the best oral he's ever had. So why isn't he more affectionate/more interested in sex? Is he not that interested in me? If so, why does he still want to see me so much? Or is he just not comfortable with me yet? Any ideas?
It might be that you are there 2-3 days per week. Crowding someone too soon into a relationship can make his sex drive go down. I'm not saying that you crowded him on purpose, because it was his idea to have you there.
But if you lay off for a while and go over less often, you might find him wanting you more. Then as he gets to know you better, you can ease back into more frequency again with better results.
I think you answered a lot by your second sentence of your question. Often, and this has been my experience, sex tends to "clutter up" a relationship if you have it too early. It should be something that you progress to, after a period of time together, rather than something that happens quickly. If you have sex too early in a relationship, it seems to make communication harder, and frankly, after you do it, there's no mystery left. Then, if you don't have a foundation to fall back on, the relationship just doesn't seen worthwhile to continue. Unless you are just after sex, and that isn't a relationship. It sounds like this may have happened to you.
The odd thing here is that he doesn't touch you, kiss you, cuddle when you stay with him, yet he hugs you and kisses good bye. So the theory that he is not an affectionate guy is out the door. But it could possibly be that maybe he is not used to cuddling when spending the night with girls. Have you tried telling him, 'hey, lets cuddle' to see what his reaction is? Now, you do say that you do sexual things----are you saying you give him oral most of the times, but only had sex twice? When you go and spend the night there, are you 'servicing' him orally? Also, the 2 times you had sex, who initiated what? There are many variables out there to really pinpoint what's causing his behavior....
I am glad that men also find this odd... we have had sex twice, and oral 3 or 4 times. There have been nights when he has gotten me off and expected nothing in return. I always reciprocate though. Maybe I just need to initiate it more? Thanks - 11 months ago
Answerer
Sure you can initiate it more; as somebody else pointed out, maybe he is insecure about his performance...maybe you need to be more vocal about his 'prowess'? Also, you can just ask him---do you like cuddling, are you affectionate, etc? - 11 months ago
Thats a bit of an odd situation..okay I guess that didn't help but..hmmm Best bet is to go with " not comfortable with you yet" when it comes the sexual things but... I'm as stumped as you are. Maybe he doesn't wanna feel like he's being clingy when you come over to stay, so he sorta avoids that sorta contact... just an idea.
Maybe he just doesn't want the relationship to be based on that. He probably doesn't want you to think that it is, either. I mean, it's the first month, maybe he wants to feel emotionally closer to you. Talk with him!
You say you are between 18 to 24, so I'm guessing he's somewhere around that age too. It could be possible he's just not sure about his sexual prowess. If you are not giving him the input he needs he may think he's no good at what he is doing. He may think you are not enjoying yourself, he's probably new at this and not sure how to read a womans subtle hints or body language. The best advice I can offer to you is, good sex comes from good communication.
It seems funny to me, we all feel more comfortable asking 10,000 strangers why, how or what, but we choke at asking these same questions of someone we have feeling for. Lol.
Communication is a really tricky thing, when you really start to communicate, you open yourself up to the other person and that's scary business, but its necessary for a good relationship and good sex. Good Luck
I probably do just need to talk to him. I just don't want to freak him out and think I'm clingy and needy (I'm not at all, I just want some affection!) He knows I enjoy it, I have made that pretty clear! Maybe if I ask for more, he will be willing to. Thanks - 11 months ago
N/A
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 11 months ago
Maybe he is one of those guys that doesn't need a lot of sex. I wouldn't say that he isn't attracted to you or not into you, because all his actions (besides sex and showing affection) are saying that he is. Some guys don't need to have a lot of sex, They only like it every once in a while. Maybe you should talk to him about it, if it is really bothering you. It could turn out that you are not sexually compatible. You must then make the choice if sex is really important to you in the relationship or is his companionship enough.
Eddie Murphy was once quoted as saying that there is no difference between the act of lovemaking and the act of sex. Since then, I have had men say to me, "You know, why are women so hung up on the...
Want your man to go crazy over you?Want to crank up the heat in your lovemaking? Well, talking is a surefire sexy way of doing it! Usually, women are not ready to be proactive in stimulating an...
(Age:25 to 29)
When: 11 months ago
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