When you think about the kind of guy or girl you would like to marry how important is it if they have or haven't been with other people before you? Does it matter if it is a lot of people vs. just a few?
How many is okay, or enough? Would it change your opinion of them if you found out they had been with a lot of other people or with no one?
i personally don't think experience has anything to do with the quality of sex. if a partner, hopefully your spouse, is tuned into you, your wants, your needs, and you are giving yourselves to each other wholly that equals good sex. no amount of partners is going to teach you about this person. I wish I could say I didn't learn that from experience but I did. =(
If I loved someone, It wouldn't really matter to me as long as they didn't have an std. If I was going to marry them, I would prefer them to be a virgin so they couldn't be tainted by past sexual experiences and have a clean record. But, If I loved them, I really wouldn't care.
i would like it if he had similar low numbers. I have had one sexual partner and it was a mistake. so I would hope to be with someone with a similar range of numbers - low numbers that is. due to hygienic reasons and such
I actually want my man to have experience but I want him to be clean. I don't want him to have any think wrong with him or any STDs from it. I will be a virgin when I find the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. And I'm ok if he is not.
I would prefer to marry someone who had a lot of experience (equal to me or more) because I want them to a) know what they're doing in bed and b) have that sexual restlessness out of their system by the time we settle down.
You will have to let me know how that "getting the sexual restlessness out of the system" thing works when you get there. ;) - 9 months ago
Answerer
Well I say that because I have slept around a lot in my day and I know that I won't be ready to settle down and find a husband until I can get that need for variety out of my system. Otherwise, I will wind up cheating. A few more years and I should be set.
A lot of guys are the same way and when they settle down too early, they spend the rest of their lives thinking about all of the women that they're missing out on. Cheating ensues, marriages end, and you're back to where you started. - 9 months ago
Question Asker
Yeah, I understand the assumptions in the argument, I will be curious to know how it works out in actual practice. Social theory-social practice gap kind of thing. - 9 months ago
I don't care about the past. Our relationship is about me and him, not me, him and them. I don't care what he has done or who he has been with as long as I am the only one that matters now.
At my age, in my 30's...and seeing how I've always been attracted to older guys, Id be worried, it would be a red flag even, if the guy I was interested in being with had little to no sexual experience. But when I was a teen, and planning to marry my first bf, it was perfectly fine..preferable even that I was his only sexual experience ..well, he did kiss a girl before he met me, but I let that slide ;)
So yeah, really would vary and depend on different factors about the age and where that person is in their life. Even now though, it woudlnt matter if it was a lot vs just a few...I could understand if a guy my age hadnt been with so many people if he was in a long term relationship...just as I could understand if a guy hadnt settled down and was with many women as he went through several relationships. However, if a guy had been in a long term relationship and somehow still managed to fit a lot of women into his history..I would wonder...
So yeah, it depends on a lot of things..case by case basis I guess.
Good distinctions. Would it matter to you if he had a recent history of being sort of a player? - 9 months ago
Answerer
Nope..case in point..as I met my bf's friends I got a pretty clear idea of it that he went through women quick fast...an old college friend had to clarify I was talking about him when I mentioned we were having dinner, she was shocked he took me on actual dates! Its been 2 years now...hes absolutely wonderful to me, and I thank my lucky stars for what his sexual experiences taught him, cause I get to benefit from it ;) I'm not going to hold his past against him...what he does now is what counts. - 9 months ago
Without a certain degree of experience on both sides, who can tell if a given partner is sexually compatible? If either party is too inexperienced, it's much more likely that somewhere down the line someone is gradually going to realize they want something their partner has never given them, and probably doesn't even want to give them. With more experience, one's true preferences are more likely to come out into the open, BEFORE a lifetime commitment is made. Sounds like a good thing to me.
Those are logical thoughts, but all the research available says that reasoning does not hold up in reality. In fact, couples are more likely to stay together in the long-term if they do NOT have any experience (i.e., they are both virgin). The second best is when couples have only experienced sex with their future spouse before marriage. People who had sex with somebody else besides their spouse before marriage are more than twice as likely to get a divorce. - 2 months ago
Answerer
That sounds likely enough. But my focus is on helping the marriage be a happy one. I can easily imagine that one reason that some marriages of inexperienced people last longer could be that neither partner feels they have many other options. If they've never dated or otherwise experienced other people considering them attractive, they might stay in an unhappy marriage for no more reason than that the alternative is too frightening. Though they stay together, that's not necessarily a success. - 2 months ago
Question Asker
Again, the rationale seems logical, but it is not supported by the available data. There is no evidence that states that people who don't have sex before marriage don't because they don't have options. I am just one case, but I had plenty of options. My wife also had plenty of options. It's more about values and personalities than it is about attractiveness and options. - 2 months ago
Neither, I would prefer them to just be honest with me. It's would be terribly stupid of me to leave someone for lack of experience, or even leave them for too much experience. If they have managed to get me that serious about them, I don't see why I can't over look it. I can't judge anyone.
I would definitely prefer little or no experience because it would be more like, "This girl belongs to me." It'd also make me feel that much more special to her. Experience is certainly important when it comes to applying for a job, competing in some sports and stuff like that. But when it comes to selecting a girl for a girlfriend or a girl to spend the rest of my life with, sexual experience is like at the bottom of my list. I don't want her to be comparing me to some other guys or having her thinking of a time when she was having sex with someone else or whatever. Successful marriages are a challenge enough now days without having something very personal that she's done in the past with other guys being added to that challenge. Of course, I'd accept one or possibly two provided the circumstances warrant it being okay with me. If I only found out she had been with a lot of other people after we were going together and she had never told me that, I'm sure I'd pass up on her because I wouldn't want that on my mind. But I don't know how that would have come as a surprise before getting into a relationship with her because I'd had to get to know her pretty good before building a loving relationship with her. I prefer to have tires on my car that are pretty much new rather than some that have lots of mileage on. But could I forgive her for how she was if we loved each other to where we wanted to get married? Probably because I'm a forgiving person if the person is sincere, sorry and has changed long enough and everyone is deserving of a second chance. But I'd be pretty careful on this because having sex is a huge loving part of married life. That's how I am.
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