Is there middle ground on anal sex?

If he loves you he should stop it.

This is about your husband being controlling and insensitive to your feelings. That's more important than any sex technique. You need to get counseling with him, and try to repair your broken marriage. If he refuses, you may have to decide if its worth staying with him. You may have to leave him. It doesn't sound like he wants to compromise or change. No man should ever put demands like this on his wife!

Well, the problem here is about your relationship, not just anal sex.

So, he yells at you, threatens to leave, spreads lies, thinks you should give in to him because he does all the work, and tells you how awful you are, and tries to "punish" you by withholding affection through sex. AND doesn't seem to care about hurting you physically to the point where you went to the doctor.

You may not have come to GirlsAskGuys sexuality forum for this, but you two are not in a healthy relationship right now. It's clearly verbally and emotionally hurtful, and borderline physical and sexual abuse. Maybe beyond borderline but I have to work with the info in the question provided.

So talk to someone who knows more than me about counseling women through tough spots like this and try to fix it or end it before you get even more hurt.

Okay, that all said, if you both go really slow and use lots of lube and are really considerate to the person you're with, most people can have anal sex without it hurting or tearing. Then after the first few times it does get easier and should be even better for both people. Still might not be your thing ever, but there is a way to do it that is more enjoyable than what you two have experienced. Though, I would solve the anal sex problem after you solve the relationship/abuse problem.

And if its not your thing, a good man could deal with it. He probably doesn't NEED it, and it sounds like your more than willing to try plenty of other things. Yeah, he might think about it and like it, but he's supposed to care about your feelings even more than his desire for anal. If he does "NEED" it, and you "hate" it, than in addition to it being an broken, hurtful relationship, you're also sexually incompatible.

Sorry for the bad news. But I have a feeling this isn't news to you at all.

This is ridiculous! He is a selfish prick! This isn't about sex he is controlling you. If something is uncomfortable your significant other should back off. The fact that you had to go to the doctor, I mean come on. Obvious its not ok. That fact that he wants to continue to hurt you for his sake I am sorry but where is the love? You know you need to get rid of him.

First off if you're husband doesn't care about the pain you feel whether it be physically,sexually,mentally,etc. Then it seems that you may have more problems than just anal sex.
I believe if you make the choice to be married then you need to learn to compromise and he is the one who should be compromising right now! Especially since it's not that you just don't like it, you are actually feeling pain and have been told by a doctor not to do this one specific thing.
The only person trying to make someone feel guilty in this situation as it sounds is your husband. Telling you he "does all the work" is a major guilt trip, you need to just flat out tell him NO and don't let it get to you. When you truly love someone you would never want to intentionally hurt them and he sound like he could care less.
Does he act this way in other aspects of your life? If so then it seems you both may actually need to seek some form of counseling otherwise your marriage could be in serious trouble.