How To Ask A Shy Girl On A Date? (The Right Way)

[Living-the-ADvenTURe]

If you are reading this article, you are most likely having bad luck winning a date with that shy girl you've been eying for a while now. Or perhaps you just aren't sure how to approach the girl without making her too shy to comfortably be herself with you and accept a date.

How to ask a shy girl?

The key approach to successfully asking a shy girl out will be the "Come To Her Comfort Zone" technique.

Why Do Shy Girls Always Say No?

When I first met the guy I am currently dating, I was very shy. He indirectly made it clear that he liked me, even though I rejected each of his offers to hang out in the beginning. He even went on to say that it didn't need to be a date, but more of a hang out. Still didn't work.

The reason I rejected his offers was because I did not know him well enough. I didn't feel comfortable enough around him. I needed to to feel more at ease with him before hanging out just the two of us. A shy girl needs to know what type of character the guy is before she can feel free to be herself with him so that she can know how much of herself to show without feeling embarrassed.

The Secret Technique
When I first met the guy I am currently dating, I was very shy. He indirectly made it clear that he liked me, even though I rejected each of his offers to hang out in the beginning. He even went on to say that it didn't need to be a date, but more of a hang out. Still didn't work.

Why do shy girls say no?

The reason I rejected his offers was because I did not know him well enough. I didn't feel comfortable enough around him. I needed to to feel more at ease with him before hanging out just the two of us. A shy girl needs to know what type of character the guy is before she can feel free to be herself with him so that she can know how much of herself to show without feeling embarrassed.

Most shy girls secretly know exactly what they need from a guy, so that they can overcome their nerves and go on a date with him. In fact, many of these girls are disappointed that most guys don't care to know a girl unless she is naturally outgoing. They often day dream of the day when a guy will finally notice and take the time to know them.

Here is how the technique works:

With most shy girls before you ask her out, it's always best to get to know her in an environment that she is already comfortable in. For example, where do you typically see her? At school? Work? group meetings? etc... If you know her from school, why not ask if you could join her and her friends during lunch? If you are getting to know her someplace she already feels at home, she is most likely to open up to you and be herself. It is the best way to get to know a shy girl.

Me and my boyfriend met at church. Church was one of my comfort zones because I knew the environment and I knew the people well. The first few times we hung out was at youth group. Once we started knowing each other better, the first step he took to gradually bring me away from my comfort zone was the following:

The guys who end up dating the shy girls are the ones who are persistent and patient at pursuing them.

Our whole church had had planned to go see a movie at the theater, and he had asked me to sit beside him during the event. When I got to the show, he followed through with what he said, and reserved a seat for me beside him which prevented me from bailing on him, even though I was super nervous. See how I was in a comfortable environment with people I knew, and he simply asked me to sit beside him. Because he followed through by reserving me a seat and calling me over, I did! It might not seem like much, and I was very nervous the whole time, but is was so exciting to me and I loved it!

Be persistent and patient with shy girls

After that night, we started seeing each other outside of the church. Him and his family came to my house for supper and then we saw the Christmas parade together. Soon enough, we were going on real dates just the two of us!

To The Point

When it all comes down to it, not many guys actually take the time to get to know the shy girls. The fact that my boyfriend was so patient and persistent with me (unlike most guys) is what sparked my interest towards him in the first place. The guys who end up dating the shy girls are the ones who are persistent and patient at pursuing them, who know how to properly apply the "Come To Her Comfort Zone" technique.

Good luck with that special girl!
Sincerely,
Living-The-Adventure

[Y666y666]

I'm naturally like that, I mean, I find most girls attractive in their own way, but usually, unless I'm at the club, if I talk to a girl who doesn't even have the slightest interest in me I just see if she has (not as a stalker) any friends in common and try to scoooch in Whenever possible lol.
or (thankfully I make people laugh easily) I just go to them and say something like "I noticed you aren't really engaging in my visual contact with you, now, is it because I'm lazy eyed (which I am a bit) or are you just too good For me? It's ok either way :) they both hurt my feelings, I just wanna be sure" now she might look at u like a creep at first, so be sure of HOW u say it lol, but if she is in fact shy she Wil probably laugh. Say you're not lazy eyed (opening a conversation door for you) or it might just fail. If it does fuck her and once ure leaving mg the scene just give her a mean cross eyed glance, (unless u really care what people think) now this is a true story of myself, once she said I wasn't lazy eyed I said "oh, sorry, I wasn't looking at you (I was) I was reading the menu" and then I looked back at her with my eyes completely crossed and she shat herself laughing lol
Turned out she was a model and. A rely hard to get one Too lol
I. Also have the chocolate technique which basically u buy a chocolate and give it to the girl u like and according to her reaction u pretend it was a good or if she finds it sweet u say it was just for her, and then just sooth it out with a "well, it's been in my pocket for weeks waiting for the right one"
IF she doesn't find it neither sweet or funny don't react and play it normally, eat the damn chocolate and offer her a bit, be confident. That is key, my sense of humor got me wonders really, sometimes o can't believe how lucky I was, but it was thanks to being fat until I was 11 lol and then suddenly turns out I am fairly attractive AND know what it feels like to be the shy one, :)

[Anonymous]

I'm only 15, but please don't judge because of that.
I've been going to this drama group outside of school for nearly 4 years now, and about 3 and a half years ago, I met this amazing, but shy and quirky girl. I only really get to see her once a week, and never during the holidays, so it is very difficult to actually talk properly, especially considering she is with her best friend at this group and I'm with my older brother.
She goes to an all-girls school so she hasn't had much contact and time with guys and I'm wondering that this might be a factor into the awkwardness.
We occasionally get to talk for about 5 minutes on the way home, but I don't feel we are actually friends, as I never have a good chance to talk to her. This realisation that I can never get close has led me to attempt abandoning that, and trying to go out with other people, and even in those relationships, I can't get over her.
She can openly talk to me, but there can also be unnerving silence whenever I talk and I feel as if she doesn't feel like she has to respond. Could this be a sign that she is not interested or the other way round, like she's nervous to respond?
I'm not sure how to approach her properly, as I am kinda shy too, so I've never really asked for her number, or to go out or anything, despite numerous attempts of telling myself I am going to do it.
I've recently learned she is a perfectionist when it comes to exams and studying, and so I am wondering if it is a good idea to offer to help her revise/study but I'm not sure how to bring it up without it sounding weird. I skipped up a year, so I know most of the topics she would be doing in Maths/Science etc. but I want it to seem more like a firendly gesture than anything.

[DeoidesonLochton]

It depends on what you talk to her about. Staccato conversation can throw a girl off and make it harder to keep it going. If you try and continue the conversation with material that fits inline with what she's talking about, it will not only be more efficient in the limited time you have with her at any given time, but also it will make you appear more interested in her without even being too outward and thus making it easier for her to continue after you.

[DeoidesonLochton]

---Eg. Instead of asking if her if she needs help with her work, you could ask her how her classes have been going and if she's having difficulties with any of them. Then you could go out and offer some help or even share each others work. This will give both of you an opportunity to work together which is a great way to build trust and a relationship.

[yucel_eden]

Offfering exams would scare her away. Where are you from may I ask?

[zee_13]

Ask for her help in something she's really gd at. (a question in science per exemple)
Don't scare her away.
Be her friend first, step by step.

[kheserthorpe]

My advice would be to have nothing to do with girls who won't meet you half way. You might 'win her over' but you'll be trying to 'win her over' every day of the damn relationship. Her shyness is such a handicap that she's in fact self centered.

Avoid her. Move on and find someone who is actually able to give something back in a relationship.

[DeoidesonLochton]

If you've ever been shy, you would understand that for a relationship with shy people, the initial start up has really got to be from one person. But you have got vein mixed up with shy. They are completely different characters. Vein people generally don't give much back if at all, shy people take time but can give back much more than you may expect.

[Living-the-ADvenTURe]

Yes, good point. This could work with most girls! Note: Some girls require less work than others and these measures might not be needed. Most outgoing girls will talk to you and accept a date and all you have to do is walk up to her, and ask her out. If that girl says no, than she might get annoyed if you come bother her when she is with friends or at work, because she's not interested. You need to be careful and use your instinct if you are to try this with a girl who is outgoing. Good luck!

[TheGamingLords777]

Hi you seem to be giving good advice here so I hope you answer I'm not shy but I'm not outgoing either there's this girl who I like and I know she likes me though friends I'm in my senior year and I have like 45 days left of school I need to make my move now the thing is she's really shy but I've gotten to know here a bit im going to ask her for her number tomorrow but then what do I do I plan to talk to her and I want to ask her out before may 19 cause that's when we all go to DC and I want to be together then

[Living-the-ADvenTURe]

I never said to continuously ask the girl out till she says yes. Its all about making her feel comfortable with you before asking her out. You do this by going to see her to spend time with her in an environment she already feels comfortable inn. If you follow the steps properly, if the girl is interested, it will be much more likely that by the time you ask her out, she will say yes. If she still says no after you have been following the technique, than it could be she is not interested.

[Vicky-Leeanne]

as a shy woman i can relate i think we want guys to try to get us to open up to show us how much they care along with us trying to be more comfortable with them slowly 1 step at a time, its why i totally understand if a guy is shy aswel he has his own reasons and i can't judge that you need to get to know someone before you become judge judy.

[Living-the-ADvenTURe]

..they will struggle with trying to overcome the frustrating complications their shyness creates. That is why if you are the type of guy who is patient and believes it is worth it to help that poor girl out, then go for it! Everyone has their weaknesses, some people have a hard time not getting too shy around their crushes.

[shephardjhon]

I wish girls also thought that way about shy guys. My instinct is to ignore all women, perhaps even be a bit cold to them initially.

[markml]

It makes sense that shy girls think this way, but unfortunately there is a problem.

You are describing a "chicken and egg" problem. When a guy is asking you to hang out, it's to spend more time with you, getting to know you better. But you're not going to agree, unless he has already gotten to know you pretty well.

The issue here is that the only way around this is for the guy to have the luck of organically getting know the girl anyway.

Your shy girl is essentially limiting herself to only date guys who happen to be part of her friendship circle. And that's a really limited dating pool, which may not contain any suitable matches. Never mind the fact that shy people tend to have smaller friendship circles than very extraverted people, and so that makes the options even more limited.

And there are many situations where a guy meets a girl and becomes curious about her, but is not ever going to get to know her if he doesn't ask her out. Like if this is a girl you just occasionally happen to run into because you cross the same paths. Or you just met this one time at an event, struck up a small conversation, and will probably never see each other again unless you agree to hang out. It would be nice if you just so happened to belong to the same church group as the shy girl, but what if that's not the case?

So this policy severely limits your dating options. Additionally, it all but excludes your chances of dating a shy guy. Why? Because with shy guys, even if they're in an environment where it would be possible to get to know you, they're not going to stand out in that environment. Because even if they went to lunch with you and your friends, they're that guy who is kind of quiet, who you still don't really know that well.

[SueShe]

Let me partially disagree with your statements.

I am not shy but to me it is obvious that if a guy wants to hit on a girl, he will do anything to get her attention.

Have you given a thought that perhaps that girls is not at all interested in being hit on or feeling assaulted by the guys incessant advances?

Even though you may think the contrary, there are also girls that do not want to be the target of guys and give this shy appearance in order to be left alone.

I always say not but that is not because I am shy but because I want to be left alone.

You see, the problem is that guys think that all girls want to be asked out on a date which is by far not the truth.

And there are also girls (yes they exist) that don't want to make the guys feel bad by denying their advances and s put up the mask of shyness in an attempt to ward off the persistence of the repeated assaults.

Shyness can also be a choice and not only a trait of character.

[LaVillaStrangiato]

Patience and persistence is all well and good... to a point. I mean, after a while, a guy would have to be stupid to continue pursuing a woman who shows no interest. Even if he likes her a lot, there comes a point where it only makes sense to give up.

Communication is key in any relationship. And if a woman is not able to communicate her feelings, then eventually the guy WILL give up. And this is coming from a VERY patient, experienced "valuable" guy who isn't just looking for sex or a one night stand.

You have to give him some sort of sign or communication that you're willing to get to know him better, but you just need some time. Communicate!

[thothahuramazda]

How to ask a shy girl out? Why she's just going to make you pay for everything and then get with some other dude and that other dude is going to defend her from you after you find out you got suckered and then that dude is going to cheat on her and then she's going to cry how men are terrible. Another thing about shy women she's hiding a mental disorder born or induced. She's going to use you to vent her frustrations or insecurities. If you are lucky and I mean lucky she is an artist or a thinker. Why is that lucky because she can imagine a world with you in it for a few days and then she starts going through her blue period.

[crazy8000]

If someone is in to playing games, sure go for it and do this.
Otherwise do I say. women up, go outside your comfort zone, confront your fears. It will make you grow. make you more secure as a person. yes it's possible even if you think it isn't.

Start with just go up and say hi or ask for about something with random people and work your way up to more difficult to approach. some stars to talk to really old ones and service people in stores.

Insecure people especially shy ones tends to be targets (easy ones) to unpleasant characters of the bad kind even players that get off on the game.

[TripleAce]

ehhh that sounds like dating a immature girl... been there and it has nothing to do with her being shy... its to do with her having no backbone...

shy girls dont shy away from important things because they are shy
if she wants to play kiddie... she can play kiddie in the kiddie pool... but ill leave her and go with a women that isn't scared of spending time with me like a real women

thanks

[KimKardashiansFeet]

That is being shy, although if youve known each other and she is comfortable around you and goes ”shy” when doing romantic things its just being nervous and totally normal id say

[Yeahhbro]

What is the point? this sounds like a lot of work and not fun. This just sounds like another scream for entitlement. Basically the whole article is based on this "I am not going to put much effort, you will have to put up with my insecurity and you will have to do all the job".

[Dim1213]

A nice well done my take. That is also a great way to get to be friends with a shy girl. Is to just be with her inside her comfort zone and to rarely if ever expect her to move outside of it. They only take baby steps and after a few years you will notice how far she has come.

[hyacen]

HI, please help me! lol

im interested in this really shy girl at my uni. (we are both 22), i can't spend much time with her since we dont have many classes together perhaps 1-2/week and its hard to talk when others are around. I've managed to speak to her and become friends, but its hard getting her to go out, what can I do? she should know that i like her, I've given plenty of signs, not sure about her, she's too hard to read.(i have faint feeling that she does). this pursuing process has gone on for 4 months now. should i just tell her how I feel, or be patient and wait for her to open up more? I’m just worried that im not acting fast enough. Im running out of ideas...

[DeoidesonLochton]

Asking if you could join her for lunch would be a good start. It may open up time to talk to her alone within a (more) comfortable context. You may find it a little easier to read her feelings if you two are out of a group.
If you have completely run out of ideas, just be forward and honest with her about your feelings. The worst outcome is she will say no. But she will respect you for being honest anyhow.

[Living-the-ADvenTURe]

Some of these girls are actually very selfless and super sweet. Some make great girlfriends, and are shy simply because they view guys they have crushes on as above them and it makes them blank out and get all shy when he's around. It's not something they can control in fact most of the time I think of how they wish they could have reacted. They try really hard not to let their shyness choke them up, but until they can see that the guy likes them too and/or that they get more used to him...;

[Lovelesspassion]

I have a question.. I know a girl and most signs point to her being shy.. How she and her closeset friend act and talk to me.. Kinda like they have a secret and don't want me to give up on her...But she puts up a front that she's not shy.. And flirts with every guy.. Well except me now... After I asked if she liked me.. She said.. "IDK".. Do shy girls do this but up a flirty front..? She gets really figity when I do anything.. But her other guy friends do it all the time.. Like picking her up..

[littlemisspetite]

I hardly know any guys who are like this and genuine about it.Most of them just want to crack the shy girl open so to speak.I have yet met a guy who was persistant enough and respectable enough to do this.And the ones thatt are like this are usually annoying,immatuure and not all up there.

[Living-the-ADvenTURe]

Well csk28, I do not personally know the girl, therefore there is no way for me to truly know what you should do. Either she is a nice girl but decided she only likes you as a friend, and now feels awkward with you because she knows she doesn't feel the same way, or she likes you and it is making her nervous. The best thing is simply to tell her how you feel and ask her if she feels the same way. You don't want to ask her out again if she doesn't.

[Living-the-ADvenTURe]

Look, this article was created to help a guy ask a girl on a date in case the girl is too shy to accept one. There are cases (mostly with shy girls who are new to the dating scene) when a girl will flat out say no to a guy regardless of whether she wants to go out with him or not. I know this, because I used to be this way, and knew a few other girls who were the same. If you don't feel you need to help the girl feel comfortable with you before asking her on a date, than disregard this article.

[LaVillaStrangiato]

Serious question... If she says no, that's a rejection, even if she does like him. In the day and age of #meeToo, why isn't it smart to just move on? How can you tell when you're helping her by being patient and persistent vs. being a creepy guy who can't take no for an answer?

[csk28]

I have a problem with a shy girl I like at work. We went on one coffee date last fall and at work was still flirting with me, until she became cold around me the next day and rejected me as my other coworkers were gossiping to her and she got very uncomfortable. I respected her decision but she still gave me signs of interest. Now we have different shifts. I still text her and we tease each other but I only see her if I come by to visit at the store. How can I ask her out the right way?

[strawhatrobbie]

I'm really losing patience because I've shown a lot of interest in her, even giving her small romantic gift once that she really enjoyed. It was a bunch of bananas and a sock moneky. She told me weeks before I did this, that bananas were her favorite fruit. It's hard to spend time with her in school because our schedules conflict. I have to actually try and find her at school during certain periods if I wanna see her. It's really making me go crazy. But I really like her because I'm shy like her.

[selfesteemguy]

I am currently 22 years old but I am very anxious about approaching to girls. I have never talked with a girl in my age seriously, ever. Now, there is this girl who is in our neighborhood (We are in the same apartment). I decided to talk with her but I don't see her around that often. And I am not sure even if I should talk with her. I am worried that she might get me wrong because of the lameness I have when it comes to social interactions.

[jrw3207]

Ok so I read your article on on How to ask a shy girl on a date. Here is the deal, how do you get to the environment that she is already comfortable in. That would mean she would have to ask me to some sort of event. Right? How would I get her to ask me to an event? Because she is shy and I can't ask her to an event because she will be uncomfortable because she sorta only knows a few of my friends (not that well).

[Moloch]

I don't care what anyone says, I agree with kheserthorpe, don't waste your time with a girl that won't reciprocate interest, there are plenty more girls out there that aren't socially handicapped. Plus, this only works with shy girls, what if you think you're trying to get with someone you think is shy, but who's not interested? That's a big waste of time, and to adopt the persistence philosophy is only a recipe for failure in the larger scheme of dating.

[HereIbe]

It's simple. I ask. If she says "no", I move on. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR PEOPLE WHOSE ENTIRE MINDS CONSIST OF BULLSHIT AND STUPIDITY! If they don't have what it takes to answer a simple, direct, honest question, they are nothing but bullshit and stupidity. It is that simple.