Me I don't approach girl cuzz of my shyness, or either cuzz they I might not be there type I have thing for girlies you know the ones who wear those boots, dress all nice that's why I myself had to change my style I use to be a baggie boy, but now I change my style into a pretty boy swagg! I usually have more girls now starring at me smiling at me and now sometimes I get a Hi from girls to!
Well I'm a shy Guy and I never asked a girl out. I've notice girls smiling starring at me you know maybe they try to get my attention so I can make a move is that what you girls do to get a guys attention? Oh what do you do? Cuzz I know its usually the guys job to make the move but me! I never been in a serious relationship cuzz of my shyness/; and I'm already 18 I'm not gonna lie I do dress nice I have colored eyes that's how I usually get girls smiling at me I think I don't really know if a girl likes me or not cuzz damn is really hard to know if a girls likes us cuzz they don't really show it/; they wait for us to make a move
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I think many guys are just lazy - too lazy to work for something they want.
But in their defense sometimes it's just hard to tell if someone's worth working for (I mean nowadays it's not like girls are looking for a husband, they just look for a good partner, so it's more a matter of mutual interest than economic necessity to date someone...so both parties are kinda hesistant if someone is worth their time and money to spend on), so I think if you want to get to know a guy, just try to get to know him.
If he decides that you're his type, he should be able to ask you out though.
The guy I'm just dating - well, I liked him and he liked me but he didn't call me, so I called him, just like that and after a few conversations he invited me for dinner and that's how it started. I call him still a bit more often than he does, but he was always the one to ask me out. Maybe I made it too easy for him, but I don't think so. Some guys even then won't ask you out and then I would just let it be.
I can play any card in the deck of 52 girl. Confident, shy, cocky, asshole you name it I have done them all and most of it leads to no where. If you want a material approach which most women do, such as "let's go get coffee sometime" or "would you like a protein shake?" even a simple "hi how are you?" to test the waters. Most women are irritated with being approached. They're more likely to make you out to be a stalker in a gym by telling on you at the front desk. I seen this before myself and laughed. Most men aren't going to waste his invaluable time with some girl who is boring, does nothing but lay around in the sun all day, swims, eats, then more sun tan lotion. Fixes herself up etc. If you want a guy so bad to approach you that you like stop crying about it. Do what men do keep trying! As for myself I'm tired of the bullsh*t, don't like the constant games and have found more happiness being alone and not annoyed. It's work that usually goes no where. Most guys will wait for the girl since they know this way the girl is serious possibly. In the mean time men are busy with work, hobbies etc. Looking to make forward progress in his chosen endeavors. Women are just spoiled and selfish and want it all handed to them because they think their pu$$y is worth gold LOL! The amount of dumb questions and conversation with women is enough to drive me away. I get that enough from my own mother. Don't need a second one.
Perhaps a lot of guys have been burned before, or something under the surface is causing them to be apprehensive? I know that a large portion of guys don't know how to talk to girls. Regarding the bad experiences, girls that act mean might not represent the majority, but they are enough to paint an image in a guy's head so that it makes him reluctant in the future. The situation I noticed a lot back in high school specifically was when a guy was encouraged to make his interest known, only to be labeled as a 'creep'.
Well you want to put yourself in my situation and try and ask a woman out? Try waking up in the morning and 'growing some balls and approach women', when your depressed and have panic attacks around people. Good luck with that...
Ive had nothing but rejection as experiences in my life - that's it, not one success. The only times I've ever gone out with a woman, was either it was a blind date, a pity date or the woman actually asked me out. So I figure if anyone would want to go out with me, they'll ask. If not, I'm not even going to go there, because from my experience it creeps people out, I find out they are already taken and distance themselves from me, or it offends them.
Most guys don't think about things like whether a girl is desperate or just wants sex . If an average guy is approached by a girl they are attracted to, they are happy just to be able to talk to them.
The reason guys are afraid to approach girls is because most of them play stupid head games with us and try to make it seem like they're not interested when they are and other stupid B.S. like that. Well, guess what? If a girl starts acting that way to me, I move on to the next girl. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Women need to stop with all the games if they want this to change. If you like a guy and you think he might like you. Why don't you step up YOUR game a little bit? At least meet us 1/3rd of the way there! Is that too much to ask? Throw a couple random friendly smiles his way out of the blue... Let him catch you looking at him... Anything!
I'm not afraid of rejection, but I have come to a point where I expect it. And if I know I'm going to be rejected, why on earth would I put myself out there and approach a girl/make a move? It's simply not worth my time to get my hopes up and have them dashed over and over again. There are more valuable things I can do with my time then get rejected by girls. If a girl were to ask me out, I might go out with her, but I would be suspicious of her motives. I'm probably doomed to be single forever because of this (and it frustrates me daily) but it is what it is.
It is hard to make a move nowadays because girls have so many new ways to let a guy down. It has come to the point where no matter what, it seems that a guy can do nothing to get a girl to like them unless the girl likes the guy first.
So, from my perspective, I can hit on 50 girls who WOULD be interested in me, but by my hitting on them, it tells them I like them. Since they know that I ALREADY like them, they lose interest in me.
So if I wait for a girl to initiate interest, it puts me in the drivers seat so that I can ACTUALLY do something about my interest.
So unless the girl shows some sign early on, there is little reason to pursue a girl.
That is unless you are like an 11 on a scale from 1-10. That is what all girls are waiting for nowadays apparently.
well yea. All girls want the same guy, and aren't willing to compromise at any level
They ALL want the Orlando Bloom of the group...they ALL want the one alpha male, and will not consider anything less.
And it doesn't matter which girl. She could be chubby, thin, pretty, average, ugly, etc...they all will chase the same guy, and not settle for any other guy
SOOO NOT TRUE... a girl wants someone who will make her laugh and really.. it isn't that hard... yea being with the alpha male is cool but he is usually the most cocky! I don't go for the "alpha" male my heart goes to the one who can I can laugh with... honestly. :) and if pay attention... some very attractive females are with some guys who you would NEVER think they'd love... its likewise with some guys...
this is why I plan to find a girl who has already been broken by bad guys. I am going to find her at a strip club knowing how to please a man and be all sexy.
She will e all hot and bothered and hurt and I wil save her. SHe will still be sexy!
Nah. I have a hard time opening up to people after I get to know them, not so much at first glance. Though it's hard to talk to someone when you don't feel that you'd have any sort of connection with them. Like if you went to the same college as me, and you made eye contact with me more than once, I'd come up and say hi. After that first initial conversation, things become more relaxed, and if it came to it, I'd ask if you would want to go get coffee or something.
Cocky assholes are..well...assholes. I pity you and your friends. Though when you're around those type of people so much, we automatically assume those are the type of guys that you're into, and if we aren't like that, it just throws our confidence out the window.
Trust me.. I'm not into those type of guys. I go out with them because I think they're really nice or they're funny, confident, charming, good looking, etc at first just to find out later that they were lying to me or total players. I want a good guy with a bad side (if that makes any sense or not.) lol Like a nice guy who is fun, good looking, spontaneous, and loves sex. :P
Well hey hey, move to IL and you got yourself a boyfriend! :P
But on a more serious note, it's hard to find specifics in people. Sometimes you have to look to other groups of people to find what you look for. Like artists, they're generally good people. Musicians, you know? They may be a bit awkward, but I've found some of the best people I've ever known that do something artistically. :] Give it a shot, let me know how it goes.
Sure I'll move to Illinois! :P And I love musicians. Nah, my problem is the guys who seem to ask me out only want sex or not a real relationship. It's okay for a while but I'd love to find someone who'd stick around rather relationship or not. Or someone who's actually bold enough to ask me out and not play games. lol
I ruined my reputation on campus for talking with jerks. I was just trying to be polite(I hate them) to them and not act stuck up, but the other guys saw me laughing and joking with them and now I'm nothing more than the campus skank. The nicer guys won't even talk to me. Jerks carry a price tag.
KNOWN jerks carry a price tag, Jen. When everyone knows someone's a gigantic asshole, they assume that the people that go fleeting towards them are idiots. Misjudgment? Yeah. Though would stereotypes be stereotypes if they weren't true most of the time?
Like I said I was just trying to be polite and not act like a snob. I actually loathe those types of guys. But my good manners cost me big time. My school is a small Catholic college. Just being seen with these guys earned me a bad reputation. Most of my classmates consider me to be Miss Skankasaurus, especially the guys. I don't think I deserved that.
i get what your saying but I also feel the guys, rejection is a big thing & no one likes that, girls sometimes forget to make those little signals that give him the green light, if not they have no idea if your in a relationship or think they're ugly...so a nice smile his way or a look that lasts a bit long can give the guy the push he needs...but granted I know plenty of times I say to myself (damn it just come over & talk to me) but the guy won't & funny story was with someone I saw every time on my way to work via the train...did the whole staring thing & then I had enough so I grew some & plain & simple said "hey you got a girl?...he said no...so I said you got a number? & he gave it to me" hahahaha I was really nervous & was like shhh what if he thinks I'm crazy or if I get rejected...guys go through that every time...but yeah a lot of time if the guy had a better approach then ppssttt hey you...or the whistle then it would work better. hahahha
I like your style. You took control. I had a girl stare at me, follow me and one day I did what you did (I offered my number) and I got REJECTED! Never been more confused in my life over that one. It taught me women are unpredictable and change their minds quickly.
Why would any guy want to torture himself asking out 100 girls only to be rejected by 90-95 of them and lets not forget like zagor mentioned sued/slapped/arrested/fired/scorned/kicked?
See where this fear comes from now?
That there is the soul crushing reason why guys stop trying, not to mention that most girls now days just aren't worth it with all the casual sex that they engage in ,which is a major deal breaker for most guys I know.
As for the second part If a girl ever asks me out I would put her above the rest but until then they are all the same, They sit on their ass and demand without putting in any effort.
Except unlike guys San898 you don't ask anyone, so when you're not initiating and the good guys have given up on initiating the only remaining ones who will get any are the cocky users. Which inturn just prolong the cycle.
thing is most girls go for the loud mouth jerks, which eliminates a lot of us right from the start. And girls won't ask us out so I don't really see a solution to the prob
@bysterhymen The thing is as a girl gets older and becomes a woman, ready to settle down, we stop going for the jerks... but by then the guys that would've looked at us a few years ago don't want to know because we're not nubile 20 year olds anymore. It's six of one and half a dozen of the other if you ask me!
@confusedd0tcom Can you blame guys for wanting a girl who hasn't screwed around?
Why do good guys have to suffer alone through their 20's and early 30's until girls youth and looks fade while she bangs and screws every bad boy that she can find?
Are YOU scared of rejection? Why is it that you won't simply ask a guy out that you like? You say you do it occasionally, but most of the time you wait.
You need to understand that guys fear the rejection just like you do. When you ask someone out, you put your self-esteem on the line. You must be prepared to be shot down, and you can't let it effect you. That is very hard.
Confident assholes is all your gonna get, because those guys do not give a fck. Good for them
Either ask the guys out you want, or shutup. This makes you a hypocrite, because you are unable to do the thing that you accuse guys of not being able to do
hey! you're just rude! she's just asking, besides she said she does it some times why would she have to do it ALL the time! and it looks to me that the only sex you're having lately is with your hand, to be this grumpy!
LOL.. he kind of has a point... women wanted to be equal and all that jazz... I'm not down playing this at all but I mean if you wanna dance... dance... I personally don't do it... sorry I have a crap load of guy friends and a huge guys girl... if something comes from me hanging out with my guys then so be it... I'm not gonna find mr right at a bar/club.. etc... those guys generally want ms. right now... :)
To the question in general; most Girls make it so hard for a guy to come up and start a conversation. Also when you are with a group of your lady friends they tend to make the decision of whether you can talk to the man who has approached. They do this by giving you attitude and evil eyes or even saying "lets go" when you are the one being approached. Part of this behavior is them looking out for you but a bigger chunk of it is jealousy. This kind of behavior is enough to stop any man approaching you.
If you want to be approached you need to meet half way. You need to make it a little more obvious that you are interested by looking over and smiling. Then try to get some time at the bar (or wherever you might be) by yourself to get a drink and give the guy an opportunity to come and talk to you by yourself. You'll be surprised how many more men will approach you by acting in this way. It's a two way street.
If you read the paragraph as a whole then you will see what I mean about meeting halfway.
To your second point the question ansker wanted to know why men are afraid to approach women. I gave my opinion the way I see it. But to answer your question, the guy also has a responsibility ensure that that the girl in question is aware he exists. He needs to try and find ways to get in her line of sight and smile at her. then keep looking over once the eye contact has been made. . . .cont..
... and the smiles have been constant then it would be much easier for the guy to approach the girl. If the eye contact and smiles do not continue then guy/girl know that the other is not interested. This is obviously much easier for the guy than being publicly rejected and the Girl doesn't feel that she has to be civil as the speaking has been done with body language. people shoudl learn to read body language and others should learn not to cover theirs up.
Girls get that impression of me, cause I am dating someone and won't cheat I guess. but than again when I was single, I wanted to analyse a girl before I approached her, due to the fact that there is a lot of girls on pills that use us men for rides to the trailer park, and bum money for pills. (I'm not afraid in the I'm shy and can't talk way) its more like (better be careful, if she's a pill head she will never leave me alone way.) and another part of it is, well every since 1998 all the trends, styles and music sucked in the mainstream. and I would rather have an old-school goth chick that likes metal, than a typical preppy that is into the hip-hop scene. so I am a bit anti-social. I know that ist not your fault that pill heads messed up the guys approached girls days, but they way things are getting you might have to approach us and let us know "hey, I'm not a druggie! how are you? lol.
It's funny. Guys think girls who ask them out are desperate (I don't, I've been asked out a few times before but none of them were desperate or sluts) and from what I've seen in my time at school, university, church etc, when a guy approaches a girl or asks her out she thinks he only wants her for sex so she just rejects him. So it really is quite a predicament these days.
Also you have to remember that people who tend to get to know the person first and then ask them out tend to go into the friends zone a lot. By then they would not want to risk losing the friendship with someone.
I don't really approach girls anymore because I just feel like they think I only want one thing from them. So I don't bother.
Well yeah of course if she doesn't like you anyway she will always friend zone you. I'm just saying that if she does like you but the guy either doesn't get enough balls to ask her out or they guy isn't who she thought he was (maybe a ''nice guy'') then she will friend zone him. But also remember attraction can be built up over time as well. So she might start liking him after he's become friends with her.
Oh OK, I was thinking you were one of those guys that think we should ask for a random chick's digits after only talking to her for 5 minutes lol. But I would imagine that a girl would lose attraction after only a year or more of the guy not asking her out though.
When you think about a lot of people fear public speaking so much that they would rather die then having to do it. That is a huge sociological impression on something very simple as a speech. So, it is not to hard to fathom that asking some one out would be a similar daunting task.
If you are a type of person that does not give off any signs of interest to someone they will be the fence on whether or not to ask you out. So, if you do not want to ask a guy out try to give some sign of being interested if you want that person to make the first move.
Also in this day and age, it also more acceptable in our open society to have girls ask guys out.
rejection is usually only a problem if the man has been hurt at a younger age or repeatedly throughout there growth into a adult
of course they shouldn't dwell on the past
but when we see women and how grown and possibly stuck up they could be
we fear for history repeating itself
so it would just be better if the women would approach us shy guys
cause they are important to us and we don't wanna come on in the wrong way
plus most women are kinda out there with the whole material thing and we get want we want and guys should pay for us and do all the work and so on and on
im not saying there all like that I'm sure there are plenty of pretty humble girls but I just can't ever tell
so I say we should both as genders be mutual and share the burden of having to start things up
Sometimes is because of money. If you a have a car, money to go out and your own private place to bring her back, then nothing is stopping you; but many guys these days don't have a car, or maybe they live with parents or they just don't have enough money to go out on a regular basis, so they get afraid girls will get dissapointed.
exactly, unless youve got all your sh*t together your not even worth the time of day to most women, so why bother until you do. by then tho your pretty happy alone and just don't see what a woman could really bring to the table other than sex.
Why are so many women so harsh and cruel with rejections. Why do so many women these days play men like yo yos and tear their hearts out and stomp on them and try to essentially collect possies of guys they string along. Women these days seem to consider a guy showing interest a sign of weakness on their part and despite what the movies may girls these days may find romance entertaining but sexually repulsive. So it really is best to not chase a girl anymore, best to let them come to me
Dude, right on. I've actually started to feel better since I wrote off chicks. Maybe some years down the road I'll feel differently but for now...what did Carly Simon Say? "I haven't got time for the pain"!
thats true. I'm not gonn lie.. I've done that and so have all of my friends. it just happens sometimes and you don't even realize you're being rude till after. don't take it personally because we actually feel bad after.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
115Opinion
Me I don't approach girl cuzz of my shyness, or either cuzz they I might not be there type I have thing for girlies you know the ones who wear those boots, dress all nice that's why I myself had to change my style I use to be a baggie boy, but now I change my style into a pretty boy swagg! I usually have more girls now starring at me smiling at me and now sometimes I get a Hi from girls to!
Well I'm a shy Guy and I never asked a girl out. I've notice girls smiling starring at me you know maybe they try to get my attention so I can make a move is that what you girls do to get a guys attention? Oh what do you do? Cuzz I know its usually the guys job to make the move but me! I never been in a serious relationship cuzz of my shyness/; and I'm already 18 I'm not gonna lie I do dress nice I have colored eyes that's how I usually get girls smiling at me I think I don't really know if a girl likes me or not cuzz damn is really hard to know if a girls likes us cuzz they don't really show it/; they wait for us to make a move
I think many guys are just lazy - too lazy to work for something they want.
But in their defense sometimes it's just hard to tell if someone's worth working for (I mean nowadays it's not like girls are looking for a husband, they just look for a good partner, so it's more a matter of mutual interest than economic necessity to date someone...so both parties are kinda hesistant if someone is worth their time and money to spend on), so I think if you want to get to know a guy, just try to get to know him.
If he decides that you're his type, he should be able to ask you out though.
The guy I'm just dating - well, I liked him and he liked me but he didn't call me, so I called him, just like that and after a few conversations he invited me for dinner and that's how it started. I call him still a bit more often than he does, but he was always the one to ask me out. Maybe I made it too easy for him, but I don't think so. Some guys even then won't ask you out and then I would just let it be.
that has to be the stupidest thing ever written on this site, and that's fu (king *STUPID*
I can play any card in the deck of 52 girl. Confident, shy, cocky, asshole you name it I have done them all and most of it leads to no where. If you want a material approach which most women do, such as "let's go get coffee sometime" or "would you like a protein shake?" even a simple "hi how are you?" to test the waters. Most women are irritated with being approached. They're more likely to make you out to be a stalker in a gym by telling on you at the front desk. I seen this before myself and laughed. Most men aren't going to waste his invaluable time with some girl who is boring, does nothing but lay around in the sun all day, swims, eats, then more sun tan lotion. Fixes herself up etc. If you want a guy so bad to approach you that you like stop crying about it. Do what men do keep trying! As for myself I'm tired of the bullsh*t, don't like the constant games and have found more happiness being alone and not annoyed. It's work that usually goes no where. Most guys will wait for the girl since they know this way the girl is serious possibly. In the mean time men are busy with work, hobbies etc. Looking to make forward progress in his chosen endeavors. Women are just spoiled and selfish and want it all handed to them because they think their pu$$y is worth gold LOL! The amount of dumb questions and conversation with women is enough to drive me away. I get that enough from my own mother. Don't need a second one.
Perhaps a lot of guys have been burned before, or something under the surface is causing them to be apprehensive? I know that a large portion of guys don't know how to talk to girls. Regarding the bad experiences, girls that act mean might not represent the majority, but they are enough to paint an image in a guy's head so that it makes him reluctant in the future. The situation I noticed a lot back in high school specifically was when a guy was encouraged to make his interest known, only to be labeled as a 'creep'.
Hahahahaa! Darling PLEASE! Do not confuse fear with respect...
Your GreatGranmother,Grandmother and Mother fought long and
hard to get You equal rights,Now You have them,and we respect them :)
also please consider the changes that have happened in the legal system
due to this,i.e. literature of law's.
for example, a male can be charged with stalking,a female cannot...
a male can be charged with domestic violence,a female cannot...
and the list goes on and on including almost all law's written since
1978.
So sorrowed to inform You," the ball is in Your court and it is Your
turn to serve!"
absolutely true
Well you want to put yourself in my situation and try and ask a woman out? Try waking up in the morning and 'growing some balls and approach women', when your depressed and have panic attacks around people. Good luck with that...
Ive had nothing but rejection as experiences in my life - that's it, not one success. The only times I've ever gone out with a woman, was either it was a blind date, a pity date or the woman actually asked me out. So I figure if anyone would want to go out with me, they'll ask. If not, I'm not even going to go there, because from my experience it creeps people out, I find out they are already taken and distance themselves from me, or it offends them.
Most guys don't think about things like whether a girl is desperate or just wants sex . If an average guy is approached by a girl they are attracted to, they are happy just to be able to talk to them.
The reason guys are afraid to approach girls is because most of them play stupid head games with us and try to make it seem like they're not interested when they are and other stupid B.S. like that. Well, guess what? If a girl starts acting that way to me, I move on to the next girl. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Women need to stop with all the games if they want this to change. If you like a guy and you think he might like you. Why don't you step up YOUR game a little bit? At least meet us 1/3rd of the way there! Is that too much to ask? Throw a couple random friendly smiles his way out of the blue... Let him catch you looking at him... Anything!
\rant
" the trick is to decide which one you want and then try to make it seem like it is his idea"
thats what women are told to do. NNOT tell you they like u. most guys think it makes her look desperate.
I would not bother trying to trick a person, or with anyone who thinks being straightforward is desperate, but maybe many people go with it.
I'm not afraid of rejection, but I have come to a point where I expect it. And if I know I'm going to be rejected, why on earth would I put myself out there and approach a girl/make a move? It's simply not worth my time to get my hopes up and have them dashed over and over again. There are more valuable things I can do with my time then get rejected by girls. If a girl were to ask me out, I might go out with her, but I would be suspicious of her motives. I'm probably doomed to be single forever because of this (and it frustrates me daily) but it is what it is.
its kind of a paradox, because they absolutely won't approach us.
It is hard to make a move nowadays because girls have so many new ways to let a guy down. It has come to the point where no matter what, it seems that a guy can do nothing to get a girl to like them unless the girl likes the guy first.
So, from my perspective, I can hit on 50 girls who WOULD be interested in me, but by my hitting on them, it tells them I like them. Since they know that I ALREADY like them, they lose interest in me.
So if I wait for a girl to initiate interest, it puts me in the drivers seat so that I can ACTUALLY do something about my interest.
So unless the girl shows some sign early on, there is little reason to pursue a girl.
That is unless you are like an 11 on a scale from 1-10. That is what all girls are waiting for nowadays apparently.
well yea. All girls want the same guy, and aren't willing to compromise at any level
They ALL want the Orlando Bloom of the group...they ALL want the one alpha male, and will not consider anything less.
And it doesn't matter which girl. She could be chubby, thin, pretty, average, ugly, etc...they all will chase the same guy, and not settle for any other guy
amen lockjaw
Lockjaw, you should write a book about this topic, every girl wanting the same guy.
We can co-author it actually! I have always wanted to write a book about dating and make this at least a chapter of it.
We can call the book,
"The girl Problem: How woman ruin their own love life and the dating scene"
SOOO NOT TRUE... a girl wants someone who will make her laugh and really.. it isn't that hard... yea being with the alpha male is cool but he is usually the most cocky! I don't go for the "alpha" male my heart goes to the one who can I can laugh with... honestly. :) and if pay attention... some very attractive females are with some guys who you would NEVER think they'd love... its likewise with some guys...
plus they like jerks
well they're naturally attracted to the loudest and most obnoxious jerks, so why bother trying.
this is why I plan to find a girl who has already been broken by bad guys. I am going to find her at a strip club knowing how to please a man and be all sexy.
She will e all hot and bothered and hurt and I wil save her. SHe will still be sexy!
Nah. I have a hard time opening up to people after I get to know them, not so much at first glance. Though it's hard to talk to someone when you don't feel that you'd have any sort of connection with them. Like if you went to the same college as me, and you made eye contact with me more than once, I'd come up and say hi. After that first initial conversation, things become more relaxed, and if it came to it, I'd ask if you would want to go get coffee or something.
Cocky assholes are..well...assholes. I pity you and your friends. Though when you're around those type of people so much, we automatically assume those are the type of guys that you're into, and if we aren't like that, it just throws our confidence out the window.
Trust me.. I'm not into those type of guys. I go out with them because I think they're really nice or they're funny, confident, charming, good looking, etc at first just to find out later that they were lying to me or total players. I want a good guy with a bad side (if that makes any sense or not.) lol Like a nice guy who is fun, good looking, spontaneous, and loves sex. :P
Well hey hey, move to IL and you got yourself a boyfriend! :P
But on a more serious note, it's hard to find specifics in people. Sometimes you have to look to other groups of people to find what you look for. Like artists, they're generally good people. Musicians, you know? They may be a bit awkward, but I've found some of the best people I've ever known that do something artistically. :] Give it a shot, let me know how it goes.
Sure I'll move to Illinois! :P And I love musicians. Nah, my problem is the guys who seem to ask me out only want sex or not a real relationship. It's okay for a while but I'd love to find someone who'd stick around rather relationship or not. Or someone who's actually bold enough to ask me out and not play games. lol
I ruined my reputation on campus for talking with jerks. I was just trying to be polite(I hate them) to them and not act stuck up, but the other guys saw me laughing and joking with them and now I'm nothing more than the campus skank. The nicer guys won't even talk to me. Jerks carry a price tag.
KNOWN jerks carry a price tag, Jen. When everyone knows someone's a gigantic asshole, they assume that the people that go fleeting towards them are idiots. Misjudgment? Yeah. Though would stereotypes be stereotypes if they weren't true most of the time?
Like I said I was just trying to be polite and not act like a snob. I actually loathe those types of guys. But my good manners cost me big time. My school is a small Catholic college. Just being seen with these guys earned me a bad reputation. Most of my classmates consider me to be Miss Skankasaurus, especially the guys. I don't think I deserved that.
It's so tru tho It can happen by talking to the wrong people.
yea that happened to me
So I guess it's true
Yup.
i get what your saying but I also feel the guys, rejection is a big thing & no one likes that, girls sometimes forget to make those little signals that give him the green light, if not they have no idea if your in a relationship or think they're ugly...so a nice smile his way or a look that lasts a bit long can give the guy the push he needs...but granted I know plenty of times I say to myself (damn it just come over & talk to me) but the guy won't & funny story was with someone I saw every time on my way to work via the train...did the whole staring thing & then I had enough so I grew some & plain & simple said "hey you got a girl?...he said no...so I said you got a number? & he gave it to me" hahahaha I was really nervous & was like shhh what if he thinks I'm crazy or if I get rejected...guys go through that every time...but yeah a lot of time if the guy had a better approach then ppssttt hey you...or the whistle then it would work better. hahahha
I like your style. You took control. I had a girl stare at me, follow me and one day I did what you did (I offered my number) and I got REJECTED! Never been more confused in my life over that one. It taught me women are unpredictable and change their minds quickly.
Why would any guy want to torture himself asking out 100 girls only to be rejected by 90-95 of them and lets not forget like zagor mentioned sued/slapped/arrested/fired/scorned/kicked?
See where this fear comes from now?
That there is the soul crushing reason why guys stop trying, not to mention that most girls now days just aren't worth it with all the casual sex that they engage in ,which is a major deal breaker for most guys I know.
As for the second part If a girl ever asks me out I would put her above the rest but until then they are all the same, They sit on their ass and demand without putting in any effort.
i agree
personally I feel the same about asking guys out... and I'm usually pretty confident... so I dt see a solution to this problem :P
Except unlike guys San898 you don't ask anyone, so when you're not initiating and the good guys have given up on initiating the only remaining ones who will get any are the cocky users. Which inturn just prolong the cycle.
girls like jerks that's a fact!
thing is most girls go for the loud mouth jerks, which eliminates a lot of us right from the start. And girls won't ask us out so I don't really see a solution to the prob
@bysterhymen The thing is as a girl gets older and becomes a woman, ready to settle down, we stop going for the jerks... but by then the guys that would've looked at us a few years ago don't want to know because we're not nubile 20 year olds anymore. It's six of one and half a dozen of the other if you ask me!
@confusedd0tcom Can you blame guys for wanting a girl who hasn't screwed around?
Why do good guys have to suffer alone through their 20's and early 30's until girls youth and looks fade while she bangs and screws every bad boy that she can find?
Let's turn that question back on to you
Are YOU scared of rejection? Why is it that you won't simply ask a guy out that you like? You say you do it occasionally, but most of the time you wait.
You need to understand that guys fear the rejection just like you do. When you ask someone out, you put your self-esteem on the line. You must be prepared to be shot down, and you can't let it effect you. That is very hard.
Confident assholes is all your gonna get, because those guys do not give a fck. Good for them
Either ask the guys out you want, or shutup. This makes you a hypocrite, because you are unable to do the thing that you accuse guys of not being able to do
hey! you're just rude! she's just asking, besides she said she does it some times why would she have to do it ALL the time! and it looks to me that the only sex you're having lately is with your hand, to be this grumpy!
And you aren't rude for trying to drop a personal insult on this answerer?
Ladoreyou87...what you just said is very rude, yet your calling me rude? Sounds like a case of the pot calling the kettle black
Haha, sounds like everyone's getting burned... XD
And naught remains but ash.
LOL.. he kind of has a point... women wanted to be equal and all that jazz... I'm not down playing this at all but I mean if you wanna dance... dance... I personally don't do it... sorry I have a crap load of guy friends and a huge guys girl... if something comes from me hanging out with my guys then so be it... I'm not gonna find mr right at a bar/club.. etc... those guys generally want ms. right now... :)
To your update, no way!
To the question in general; most Girls make it so hard for a guy to come up and start a conversation. Also when you are with a group of your lady friends they tend to make the decision of whether you can talk to the man who has approached. They do this by giving you attitude and evil eyes or even saying "lets go" when you are the one being approached. Part of this behavior is them looking out for you but a bigger chunk of it is jealousy. This kind of behavior is enough to stop any man approaching you.
If you want to be approached you need to meet half way. You need to make it a little more obvious that you are interested by looking over and smiling. Then try to get some time at the bar (or wherever you might be) by yourself to get a drink and give the guy an opportunity to come and talk to you by yourself. You'll be surprised how many more men will approach you by acting in this way. It's a two way street.
What do you mean meet them halfway?
what if a guy likes a girl that doesn't know he exists?
If you read the paragraph as a whole then you will see what I mean about meeting halfway.
To your second point the question ansker wanted to know why men are afraid to approach women. I gave my opinion the way I see it. But to answer your question, the guy also has a responsibility ensure that that the girl in question is aware he exists. He needs to try and find ways to get in her line of sight and smile at her. then keep looking over once the eye contact has been made. . . .cont..
... and the smiles have been constant then it would be much easier for the guy to approach the girl. If the eye contact and smiles do not continue then guy/girl know that the other is not interested. This is obviously much easier for the guy than being publicly rejected and the Girl doesn't feel that she has to be civil as the speaking has been done with body language. people shoudl learn to read body language and others should learn not to cover theirs up.
Hope this clears things up?
Girls get that impression of me, cause I am dating someone and won't cheat I guess. but than again when I was single, I wanted to analyse a girl before I approached her, due to the fact that there is a lot of girls on pills that use us men for rides to the trailer park, and bum money for pills. (I'm not afraid in the I'm shy and can't talk way) its more like (better be careful, if she's a pill head she will never leave me alone way.) and another part of it is, well every since 1998 all the trends, styles and music sucked in the mainstream. and I would rather have an old-school goth chick that likes metal, than a typical preppy that is into the hip-hop scene. so I am a bit anti-social. I know that ist not your fault that pill heads messed up the guys approached girls days, but they way things are getting you might have to approach us and let us know "hey, I'm not a druggie! how are you? lol.
It's funny. Guys think girls who ask them out are desperate (I don't, I've been asked out a few times before but none of them were desperate or sluts) and from what I've seen in my time at school, university, church etc, when a guy approaches a girl or asks her out she thinks he only wants her for sex so she just rejects him. So it really is quite a predicament these days.
Also you have to remember that people who tend to get to know the person first and then ask them out tend to go into the friends zone a lot. By then they would not want to risk losing the friendship with someone.
I don't really approach girls anymore because I just feel like they think I only want one thing from them. So I don't bother.
I would have to disagree with the second part, If she's not attracted to you she'll friend zone or reject you no matter what you do or say.
Well yeah of course if she doesn't like you anyway she will always friend zone you. I'm just saying that if she does like you but the guy either doesn't get enough balls to ask her out or they guy isn't who she thought he was (maybe a ''nice guy'') then she will friend zone him. But also remember attraction can be built up over time as well. So she might start liking him after he's become friends with her.
Oh OK, I was thinking you were one of those guys that think we should ask for a random chick's digits after only talking to her for 5 minutes lol. But I would imagine that a girl would lose attraction after only a year or more of the guy not asking her out though.
When you think about a lot of people fear public speaking so much that they would rather die then having to do it. That is a huge sociological impression on something very simple as a speech. So, it is not to hard to fathom that asking some one out would be a similar daunting task.
If you are a type of person that does not give off any signs of interest to someone they will be the fence on whether or not to ask you out. So, if you do not want to ask a guy out try to give some sign of being interested if you want that person to make the first move.
Also in this day and age, it also more acceptable in our open society to have girls ask guys out.
rejection is usually only a problem if the man has been hurt at a younger age or repeatedly throughout there growth into a adult
of course they shouldn't dwell on the past
but when we see women and how grown and possibly stuck up they could be
we fear for history repeating itself
so it would just be better if the women would approach us shy guys
cause they are important to us and we don't wanna come on in the wrong way
plus most women are kinda out there with the whole material thing and we get want we want and guys should pay for us and do all the work and so on and on
im not saying there all like that I'm sure there are plenty of pretty humble girls but I just can't ever tell
so I say we should both as genders be mutual and share the burden of having to start things up
Sometimes is because of money. If you a have a car, money to go out and your own private place to bring her back, then nothing is stopping you; but many guys these days don't have a car, or maybe they live with parents or they just don't have enough money to go out on a regular basis, so they get afraid girls will get dissapointed.
amen some guys just don't think they have a shot. I hate living with my mom I can't do a thing
exactly, unless youve got all your sh*t together your not even worth the time of day to most women, so why bother until you do. by then tho your pretty happy alone and just don't see what a woman could really bring to the table other than sex.
Why are so many women so harsh and cruel with rejections. Why do so many women these days play men like yo yos and tear their hearts out and stomp on them and try to essentially collect possies of guys they string along. Women these days seem to consider a guy showing interest a sign of weakness on their part and despite what the movies may girls these days may find romance entertaining but sexually repulsive. So it really is best to not chase a girl anymore, best to let them come to me
Wow...that is some real talk. I had to thumb-up this comment.
Amen Dude, A fu(king men!
Dude, right on. I've actually started to feel better since I wrote off chicks. Maybe some years down the road I'll feel differently but for now...what did Carly Simon Say? "I haven't got time for the pain"!
thats true. I'm not gonn lie.. I've done that and so have all of my friends. it just happens sometimes and you don't even realize you're being rude till after. don't take it personally because we actually feel bad after.