Should a woman pursue a man?

[elena009]

If he's "into you," then HE'LL pursue YOU.

It that correct? Guys,what do you think about, honestly?

[Anonymous]

if a man really wants a woman he will pursue her. and by pursue, I don't mean stalk her, but he will make his intentions known. you do have to let him know that you are interested and will be receptive to his moves. he will do SOMETHING to let you know he's interested. personally I wouldn't pursue a man because if you pursue him he may just see you as something to do for the time being, not the girl he really wants. if a guy is too insecure and just sits there and does nothing even if he is really into a woman, then he is likely someone I wouldn't want to date anyway. for what its worth, every long term couple I know- the man pursued the woman. she didn't chase after him, he was pursuing her. you might get a date pursuing a man but if you're not what he really wants you won't make it long term

[paigems]

That honestly makes no sense at all. Why would a relationship only work out if the guy was the one doing the pursuing? What if he's to shy or afraid of rejection to pursue the girl? It doesn't mean he likes her any less.

[Opinion Owner]

If he knows you are into him then the afraid of rejection reason goes out the window. How about he's just not that into her. I find it hard to believe that a normal guy would have never pursued any girl he was ever interested in. he may have liked the girl a little but not enough to make a move

[paigems]

He's Just Not That Into Her is a joke. Some guys will still be afraid of rejection until the girl fat out says that she is into the guy. The question asker hasn't done this yet (I believe). So he may still have some doubt in his mind that is keeping him from directly pursuing her.

[paigems]

*flat not fat..

[Ghibli]

There is nothing wrong with a woman pursuing a man, just go after the right kind of guy who takes relationships seriously. The mistake women make by giving up on the guy who turn her down at first, is once she moves on to the next guy, if that guy cheats on her, she'll wish she would of kept being persistent towards the other guy who she really liked.

Seeing a woman as something to do for the time being is the reason why women shouldn't chase after men, is a stereo type. If it's always the women who are the pickers and choosers in the dating world, then that seems like women think men are inferior to them. men should never put a woman high up on a pedestal.

[Ghibli]

If he wasn't into her at first, then there is nothing wrong with trying to see if he'll change his mind about her in the long run. After all, most women change their minds about a guy after he chased her.

It shouldn't seem like it takes a woman to give a shy guy confidence in opening up to women, that shy guy should give his own self confidence.

[Anonymous]

i think guys do pursue girls more often than the vice versa way. Even if a couple gets married, its highly unlikely that a man would wanna let his friends or kids even, know that 'OH MY WIFE ASKED ME OUT, AND GAVE ME HER NUMBER, AND MADE ALL THE MOVES, AND WOW 20 YEARS LATER WERE MARRIED'

i think it should be equal and mutual, both the guy and girl should give hints they like each other, and make equal effort to pursue one another...it should be consistent. The guy should usually make the FIRST move at least...or if the girl makes the first move, he should push up his game and put the shyness aside.

[elena009]

I agree with the part you wrote that if a girl give him hints,guy should make first move if he likes her. I think if a guy want something seriously with her,he will pursue. He can send me just ONE MESSAGE even if he shy,that won't kill him. Thank you.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes =) np best of luck

[Ghibli]

If a girl makes the first move on a shy guy, even after he gave her the cold shoulder the first few times, she shouldn't give up on trying to win him over, cause he's not your typical guy who only wants one thing out of women. If I was that shy guy, in that situation and years later me and her got married, "cause I finally gave in on giving her a chance", I would love to tell my kids, I play hard to get towards your mom, cause I thought she wasn't my type, but once I got to know her more, I agree to date her and the rest is history.

I do agree it should be equal and mutual, both guy and girl should give hints they like each other. and make the effort to pursue one another. I get tired of most of the time seeing or hearing about when the guy first met his girlfriend, it was like he was on a job interview. It can never be the other way around sometimes, with her being clingy to him.

[paigems]

Some guys are just too shy/insecure/afraid of rejection to pursue the girl they like. It doesn't make them less of a man or "bad news," it just means they're human. Him trying to reach you through a friend (a lot), to me at least, is a good indicator that he is shy about directly reaching out to you. So here's an idea, why don't you pursue him?

[elena009]

Why he can over Facebook call female friends on coffee, he go out and take photo of him self....but when it goes to pursue a girl....there is a problem? I think that he has attention a lot of female friends and he simply enjoy that.

[paigems]

Some guys are just much more shy around girls they like, even if they are not shy normally. For example, I am not normally shy around anyone, but when it comes to the guy I like it's a totally different story.

[paigems]

Oh, and him reaching out to you through a friend is a "signal," so I'm not exactly sure why you're not treating it like one...

[Ghibli]

So you say you're shy around a guy you like, if your crush flat out and told you, he wants you to be his girlfriend, would that make you come out of your shell and agree to be in a relationship with him?

After all you did say some guys will still be afraid of rejection until a girl flat out and tells the guy she's into him, I would love to hear if it's also the other way around for shy women as well.

[joshuathebomb]

that is not always correct. some guys are shy and believe that if the women doesn't show interest then they don't like them..some guys are shy..take me for example..im trying to work on making the first move and not the girl but I am the shy type. but sometimes a guy does pursue a girl that they like..it all depends on the guy..

[elena009]

I think that you are still a boy,but not a man. Because when you risk rejection from a girl,and pursue her than you become a men. This is only my opinion. Thank you.

[freeman8]

I agree with Joshua. Being shy is a personality trait, usually of introverts. It doesn't make a person more or less manly because he is shy. When a shy guys has feelings for a girl, he may be even more shy than usual so he doesn't screw things up. I don't always do much pursuing because I frankly don't understand the games a lot of women play. Guys don't pick up on "signals" like girls do.

[boribori90]

There's more to being a man than chasing girls.

[joshuathebomb]

Thanks freeman8..i totally agree

[OutOfMyElement43]

Unless he's shy or insecure, he'll pursue you. You may want to give some strong hints. Like I've posted before; if he doesn't pursue you he's probably not interested, a guy can play "hard to get" but a guy's "hard to get" is no match for a girls.

[elena009]

I gave him strong hints,and than I back off. He is now trying to reach me through a friend (a lot), but not me directly? WTF? He is a little bit shy,but just because he is shy and pretty girls are always around him. What to do? Should I make again move or leave him alone? Thank you.

[OutOfMyElement43]

If you really like him, keep letting him know. Some guys need more than a little push. However, he may not like you. Try to send him some really clear signals until you decide you've had enough.

[elena009]

I send him that signals! I congratulated his birthday,i gave him compliments.....and than arrived Holidays,and he did not do anything. I can't belive, if I gave him clear signals, why he can't do the same?

If he can call his female frend for drink,on Facebook and write this over his wall,i think that he is not THAT shy, that he can't send me a message if nothing else, over Facebook.

[icecreamlover]

Omg I've had the same problem as you! if you've indicated you're interested in him, and given him attention, and he's not coming after you, just back off and avoid him. Take his power, attention ego boost away! he's obviously immature and doesn't know what he wants, and is insecure because he can't grow a pair of balls to be straight forward and let you know if he likes you or not. Guys who keep you wondering are bad news! run away!!

[l-hedoniste]

Think about this: Two girls like me. One girl pursues me, one girl doesn't.

Do I skip the girl pursuing me for the girl showing no interest?

[elena009]

Where did I wrote that I did not show interes for him?

Think about this: I like two guys. I give hints to both of them. One guy is contacting me, one second guy not.

My opinion, the first guy likes me and the second guy in not that into me.

[paigems]

You completely misunderstood what I-hedoniste said. He was saying that two girls like him, and just because one doesn't pursue him doesn't mean she doesn't like him just as much as the other girl. Or at least that's how I interpreted it.

[pinkhorse]

I think I understand what i-hedoniste is saying: he would be interested in the girl pursuing him because she's there for the taking and won't be hard work.

[elena009]

Honestly,I expect that guys like to pursue girls. Thanks everyone!

[Ghibli]

Which guy would you go for elena009, the guy that was contacting you or the guy who was not?

[Ceesa]

LOL..to be honest..men say it's ok..just to get everything right away " why not? you pursued him! "..anyhow..I'd NEVER do that ! EVER !

[love1210]

yes!1

[Ghibli]

This would be a better world, if more women were like you. A real woman knows how to use her intuition to determined the right kind of guy for her to chase, instead of just any kind of guy. It's all about having faith in people, not all guys are dangerous, lying, creeps.