I can't build up the courage to talk to a girl at all.

[Anonymous]

I'm 18, play college football(Linebacker), I train with pro bodybuilders and NFL players so I am cut all over,I've been told on numerous occasions that I was cute and/or sexy...i even see girls staring at me when I run around campus

Here is the thing I can't build up the courage to talk to a girl at all...I don't know why, but I cant...growing up I was really over weight until my junior year of high school...I would always be turned down when ever I approached a girl so eventually I just stopped... My teammates and coaches point out how certain girls give me obvious signs but I'm so nervous I don't c them...

My point is, I kinda think its funny how I'm not afraid of breaking a bone or dislocating my shoulder, but I'm afraid of talking to a girl...

Does anyone else have or have had this problem?

p.s.

when I do talk to a girl, I get so nervous that I can't stop talking, lol

[bobair]

You just described every guy in highschool. You're not a unique snowflake.

I'm going to tell you EXACTLY what your problem is, but like every other guy on here you're going to deny or ignore this advice.

Your problem is your ego.

You're like a fat guy who's over weight but who can't seem to understand that his over eating is causing his weight gain.

Being shy, or nervous about rejection, comes from your ego. Don't believe me? Read anything by Eckhart Tolle ( link )

When you are able to let go of your ego, you stop worrying about rejection simply because you're not letting others dictate your value. As you mature and experience the world enough you'll start dictating your own value, instead of upon the approval of others.

Many guys base their self worth entirely upon the approval of others. Super models suffer from this because their identity is based upon the perceptions of others. Body builders have this same problem. They work out desperately needing to be judged against others.

The deep fear is that you're not good enough.

But as you learn to build your own self esteem you'll stop needing the approval of others, and therefore you will no longer need her to say "yes" to your date proposal. Instead you'll be more focused on having fun with her, based on your curiosity of who she IS, instead of focused on "am I good enough for her."

Remember, you're a great guy who's looking to meet a girl who's good enough to keep your attention... NOT the other way around. You already know how great you'll treat your woman, and now you need to meet one worthy of your time.

~ Robby

My Blog ( link )

P.S. A great way to practice your social muscles is to force yourself to chat with every person you meet through out your day. Your job isn't to make these people like you, or to get phone numbers. It's simply to practice and learn that art of small talk.

Chat with the fat girl in line with you at the grocery store. Chat with your hot waitress. Chat with the old guy who's sitting next to you in the mall food court.

Learn to chat with EVERYONE and you will have NO PROBLEM chatting up the hot chick you just met on the bus.

[Asker]

I don't even have an ego when it comes to football....i was raised to be humble and that's what I live by....and I kinda figured it would come down to me forcing my self to chat with other people....

[bobair]

It's the human ego that prevents us from expressing our true selves... it can keep us shy, or it can make us pompous and over inflated with false pride. Trust me, your ego is keeping you shy.

Learn to kill your ego (your need to have people like you) and you'll find out that being shy only saves your ego, not your Real Self.

You'll find answers the more you investigate what your EGO really is.

[Asker]

Thats deep

[bobair]

P.S. The part of you that keeps talking out of nervousness is that part of you that can't handle the "tension" of chatting with a new girl. Attraction IS tension. She might hate you, or love you, but it all comes from tension in her body.

If you laugh nervously, or you become overly talkative then you're releasing the tension, but you're also lessening her chance to feel attraction.

Do your best to stop the diarrhea mouth. ;)

Instead of laughing or talking, try smiling instead?

[Sexy-Senior-09]

It seems like your insecurity from your past experiences with girls stop you from getting what you want.

Remind yourself that your a goodlooking guy and that any girl would be lucky to have you.

You gotta have that mentally or a girl isn't going to see you as a prize.

[HonestlyMe]

+1 I strongly agree.

And as for advice to talk to girls,as silly as this will sound,try practicing in a mirror,it helps.When approaching the girl smile,relax,and try to be a good listener.If you appear to be nervous,you might come off as creepy to some,but if the girl is worth it,she will give you a chance :)

[Asker]

@Sexy-Senior-09:

See the thing is.....i know its the insecurity thing but I just go numb at the thought....i mean had sum really epic bad rejections, like the kinds you see in comedy movies.....

@Honestyle

I tried that and got caught by my roommate...next day he put me on blast

[vioguitarchick]

be confident in your shy and nervousness. I know this sounds ridiculous but don't go out of your way to be someone you are not. Take bobair advice with a grain of salt because it is good to get experience talking with ppl/girls in general. it will up your confidence to talk with girls you actually like and it prob will help with the talking to much thing. When your talking to a girl and your nervous and stumble just accept it for what it is. everyone gets nervous just some people show it more. don't apologize for it or beat yourself up about it. The right girl who likes the humble, down to earth type of guy will actually think its cute.

[Anonymous]

Just try talking to a girl, have a few friends around you.
Have you tried talking to a girl online? You'll be fine:)