Why are women rude to nice guys?

Question

I was once a nice sweet guy, great sense of humor, a tad weird, and a self proclaimed romantic, I am 38 now, never had a true relationship, I lived in Massachusetts all my life. And over the years in my search for the love of my life, I have found that from the time of birth. Women have been told that men are pigs, scum, and jerks.ect. On the other hand…women are supposed to be the sweetest things, sensitive and caring, affectionate creatures.

I tried many tactics to entice a woman’s attention, from personal ads, dating services, bars, dance clubs, book stores, supermarkets, you name it, I been there. Even the train, on the street. One thing has never changed, the wealth on SNOBBY women!

No matter where I been, the plan was simple…SMILE! And say “hello.” In almost EVERY ENCOUNTER the result was…she ether (1) she completely ignored me, turned her head in the opposite direction than me, (2) she makes a sigh or a grunt in response, (3) or she gives a look that could most likely mean “how dare I say “hello” to her!

I was at a news stand and I noticed a cute lady reading a woman’s magazine…I noticed the article she was reading was entitled: “how to attract today’s man” so I worked up my courage and said “hi there.” She looked and me with blank eyes and went back to her magazine!

How about this one, I had to one day put change in parking meter 3 cute ladies walked towards me.did I say a form of greeting…you bet “hello” I said…one gal grunted. And all 3 kept walking. And I’ll bet you money they were out for drinks later and someone had to have complained, “I just can’t seem to find any nice men!” ahh if only she had said “hi!”

Now for some reason…some women are still complaining there is no equality among the sexes! This much is true…men are getting railroaded, ripped off in the dating game big time!

Of course you may argue, “Not all women are like this…you’re stereotyping all women on the acts of a hand full” ok, I grant you that one I only been single all my life and been looking for love for ever 12 years.

Your right…some women are not that rude. Some women know that playing hard to get is a big mistake because they would be alone forever if they were that rude…they may know deep down they have to offer what they can. I been told I should LOWER my standards and look into dating these women, and so I did!

Now mind you, as I lowered my standards, my goal became simple, find a woman I can ENJOY being with! Not too hard right?

I just start laughing when women I don’t like start trying to give me guilt trip "maybe you should lower your standards" or " you shouldn't be so picky." As if I had NO RIGHT to be happy!

affiant · Accepted Answer

This is a good example of the "nice guy" problem. Being the nice guy gets you no where because you have to compete with two other characters - the good guy and the bad guy. More often than not, men make the mistake of thinking the good guy and the nice guy are synonomous. They aren't.

The bad guy you know already. He has his ways, and he likes to challenge women. He's confident, and leads with that confidence.

The good guy, on the other hand, is the guy that most nice guys are trying so hard to be. The good guy has a lot of traits that the bad guy would have - confidence, an identity of self, personal interests, a greater pursuit for himself. Women are attracted to the aforementioned qualities because it presents a dynamic that is interesting, and a person you can grow with, learn from, and enjoy.

The nice guy thinks he is the good guy, but he isn't. He is too friendly, too agreeable, and seemingly desperate in the eyes of others. I mean this with no offense, but your post shows many examples of this agreeable desperation. You mentioned your approach in saying hi to random people. You mentioned that you "lowered" your standards. Doing this is a disservice to yourself.

Believe it or not, saying hi to a random woman is really intimidating and threatening. They don't know you, and right off the bat you are starting with "hi" (which is super direct and too short) while offering no information or insight into who you are. Now, I am not saying walk up to a woman and immediately tell her your life story and hope she stays around to listen. On the contrary, I am saying that you need to approach women in a way that is friendly but immediately disqualifying yourself as some threat. Show them WHY you are a good guy, where the confidence comes from, and how you are a fun person to be with. Openers are hard, and honestly take practice. Rejection happens far more often than success. Accept this and you are winning a greater portion of the battle.

Please check out this video created by a woman who works on the pick up artist scene: link

It will explain in greater detail why nice guys ALWAYS finish last.

aussieknight · Accepted Answer

Quite often being nice presents yourself as being weaker than them. that they are doing you a favor by talking to them.

Meanwhile a jerk comes up and gets all the attention because he charismatic, witty and takes control.

they see the challenge in taming him. the thrill of chasing him.

Nice guys like us get shoved to the back and often become the shoulder to cry on when a relationship doesn't work out. but your never seen as anymore than " That good guy friend"

you have so much to offer but no one wants to take the safe.

i know your pain brother

ladykay · Accepted Answer

Yeah, sounds kinda sucky.

I have three brothers and they had all the same complaints about women's attitudes. But it was our fathers that warned us against you and our brothers' friends that we overheard talk skanky about us, and our ex-boyfriends that gave us a "raw deal". So, a lot of it is based on how we were exposed to men. Don't hate us.

Keep up the good attitude around the women that you are attracted to. When a woman brushes you off, just think how lucky you are not having to deal with an attitude like her's day-in, day-out.

And this should have nothing to do with being picky. You are absolutely right, we should all be picky about who we choose to become close to. Your woman should be equivalent to your best guy bud that you can talk to and get along with and want to spend your free time with. But also to share moments with that you can't complete with the guys.

I have never acted that way towards a guy who has greeted me or smiled in my direction and I know a lot of other girls that feel the same way. But if a guy whistles and grabs himself in front of me, sure I would ignore him or give him a dirty look. So, maybe you are sending out some weird vibes or something, that you are totally unaware of.

boonana135 · Accepted Answer

the women you're dealing with are the ones with the problems.not you! I also don't know many women who would act that way, because that's simply rude. And as for you lowering your standards, I think you should stick to what you look for in a woman, whether that makes your standards high or low to society, because like the saying goes " aim for the moon, because if you miss at least you'll land among the stars" or something like that haha. But the point is, if you're looking for a smart, beautiful, polite, friendly and loving woman.thats exactly what you deserve to get. And as for the rude, snobby and obnoxious women out there, don't let them get to you, its there loss! They'll be the ones that are stuck with jerks, when they could've had a nice gentleman.

I also believe that woman subconsciously like jerks, not because they're jerks, but because they have a way of making you want them. Usually when somebody pushes you away, you come back.but when somebody welcomes you with open arms, you pull back. Its human nature. I think that a lot of men notice this and so they purposely become jerks, to see if women would then want them.and sure enough a lot do. But please don't lose hope in being a nice guy, in the end the good guy always wins

HaggardDiva · Accepted Answer

Women get this too. Trust me, every really nice friend of mine has trouble with guys, even the good looking one. And it seems like my friends that are kind of bitches, even the not so attractive ones, get men left and right.

I've always kind of been lucky in the man department because I kind of understand men. My whole life my best friends have been men and I've always kind of been "one of the guys" so I've gotten a lot of the inside scoops. So to me reading men has become easier in general than it is to most women.

Anyways, bottom line I think a lot of it comes down to self-confidence and self-assurance. In my experience the really nice people don't think as highly of them selves, that's part of the reason they are so nice, they feel they have to be nice so they are more appealing. But often others can read that lack of self-confidence on your face and in your voice.

You should never lower your standards just to have a girlfriend or wife. But what you should do is work on your self-image. Work harder on assuring yourself that you are worthy of the type of woman you want. Because if inside you don't believe you are, she won't either. Good Luck with this whole thing. I wish you best.

sum1fun · Answer

I have been through this, I'm a "nice guy" and I'm told that constantly. I am also told constantly that I'm good looking but do you think I can get a date? I know two girls that have both dated the same guy, he has hit them both...does nothing for them...us basically a useless slug but he sleeps with them both. I asked the one girl why she goes there and she can't tell me. She says she will never go back now since she has been beaten but constantly thinks of him and misses him at the same time as hating him. WTF I offered to hit her if she would date me and she just laughed it off because she knew I wouldn't do that, I also got in a fight with the other girl one night and raised my voice and she wouldn't speak to me for about a week. I just don't get it, the girls don't get it, and no one seems to but this guy can just do as he pleases, say I'm sorry afterwards and life is good. First of all how do I protect these girls from this guy, secondly how do I get to date someone looking for a nice guy? Girls, you gotta stop this kind of thing.

justin1184 · Answer

I'll tell you a story from personal experience. I am a nice person too. I try to treat my girlfriends with respect and manners. I noticed the same thing that you are now figuring out, many years ago. I thought that having a girlfriend would make me happier, so a couple years ago, I tried to become a douche bag. I did get a girl to be interested in me. When she called, I would sometimes just ignore the phone, even though I knew that she knew I was home. I would make insensitive jokes to her about her hobbies and career (how little money she made etc.). I would even tell her how annoying she was being, calling me all the time (and I really loved it when she would call me). The truth is, I admired her for the career she was in. She was a teacher, and I don't know of a more noble profession. However, she was happy that she was with me.

You know what I did though. I finally told her after several months that I was tired of being something I'm not, just so she would like me more. I told her that I thought she was doing wonderful things with her life, and I just couldn't be fake anymore. I knew that would break the relationship, so I broke up with her that day and decided not to ever go back to being that guy again.

See, I didn't want to be a jerk, but I felt forced to by societal pressure. The truth is though, I'm a happier man, now that I am just my nice old self. If I never find a girlfriend, that would be better than turning into what I hate. We need to stand up for our rights to be nice, and be acknowledged.

Women, just because we're nice, doesn't mean that you have the right to treat us like crap. I know that most of you hate nice guys, but that's really your own problem. Get over it! We're nice, and we're not changing, just to appease you.

DocT1977 · Answer

First and foremost, I am going to weigh in on my experiences here. I found out early on that when women are rude to "Nice guys", They actually see a door mat groveling for attention. Some women do this, Some do not. When I got the cold shoulder, It was an instant turn off to me. Why would I want to be around someone who was that rude or conceited? More than likely, They are going to end up in relationships where they get used and abused (Hence getting back what they dish out). So with that, My interested in such females was lost right off the bat. Those who came off as materialistic, Snooty, and Superficial were written off as well as they did not share the moral traits I was looking for.

What we are really dealing with here guys is YOUR self respect. If you want to know how to get a decent woman, You are going to have to #1, Make sure she has the same principals as you. Obviously if she is not a nice person, That's another one that goes into the can.

If your goal is to find the right woman, Your dating experience should be about the process of elimination. If they don't measure up or if you are seeing behavior patterns displayed towards you that you would not want to live with, Then why continue pursuing a woman displaying these traits?

I personally opt for friendship first. This way, There are no fake fronts and no fake expectations. In this case, You get to see what you are really dealing with. I am married now and I thank God that I was so "Choosy" with making sure they had the right standards.

aly-marie · Answer

I think confidence is one of the most underrated things, because I think we're very aware, maybe at least subconsciously, of how confident someone is. It's an important factor in a first impression especially.

Firstly, I honestly don't know many women that would act that way towards someone who just said hello. I would never be rude to a stranger unless they were rude to me first. Whether I'm interested or not, it's common courtesy.

But, and this is really just based on what you said & my experience, I think the fact that you care so much about their responses says a lot. If someone ignores you or brushes you off, I think you should be able to do the same to them because they're obviously not worth your time. That confidence should show when you're greeting a stranger. It's more impressive if it seems like you don't care much either way if they answer or ignore you.

I guess I don't really know how to explain it. definitely don't be like an a-hole, but be confident. You know your standards and you know you don't deserve to be snubbed. You're better than that, just let your attitude reflect that :]

gash_hound · Answer

its not womes fault you can't attract them..

your job isn't to be nice or say hello or be polite or moral or good or anything else other than "Attract" and if you can't do that then no.. you have no right to be happy, no right to find a girl you desire.

or am i wrong? where is this "right" so many guys and girls keep talking about...

I've seen little kids starving, eating slime out of septic water puddles.. their belly full of worms and pain, I've seen little girls laying on the around nude, with their anus's split open covered in maggot's as the result of brutal rape

there is a lot this world has both good and bad, but the only right you have is free choice my friend.. you have absolutly no right to life, to love, to food or anything else that you can't take or protect... a tree grows fruit on the branch and not in your stomach...

I also say hello beautiful girls too, 19 times out of twenty they say hello back, and they are very interested, never rude, never offended... so whats the difference between you and I? its not the women, they are all the same.. i attract them and you don't

so I suggest getting some perspective, are you a strong self made man? are you highly sophisticated far more than the women your saying hello too, have you traveled the world and learned new languages.. are you honorable and confident.. these are only a few small things required before you can blurt out "hello" and expect not to be offensive... in my mind and the mind of most other people.. who are you to be saying hello to me? whats your problem? what do you want? whats that snotty look on your face as if you have the RIGHT! to say hello... this the attitude were all built with

the way you say hello is likely very offensive... pushy, you offer little, you do not overwhelm a woman with strength and charm, you irritate, frighten, alert and alarm her... because you think you have the right.

open your mind a little, let go of your ego, pride & your rights

seregiel · Answer

Uh - about that. I'm engaged to a fantastic man who is the epitome of the word "nice." The only "jerks" I have dated, I stopped dating when they became such, unless it was caused by stress or some temporary incident and went away with an apology upon discussion.

Additionally, some "nice" girls might take your rant, although well deserved through experience, as rude itself.

I don't know why but it does seem like women, as a generality, up to a certain age like being treated like sh*t, or don't want nice guys and instead just want to talk about them. But the fact is you're generalizing, as much as you said you didn't really want that point. Most of the women I personally associate with would dump a guy if they found them to be a jerk in a heart beat even if they didn't have a nice guy to fall back on and instead had to deal with the single life.

I do have some friends, that although nice, do ignore the "hellos" guys give them as you described. In fact, I too have done so on occasion. Some reasons being that they want someone to get to know them in a mutual setting instead of on the street, they live near places with prostitutes (like me) and are tired of getting cat called, or they are busy and normally when you say a hullo it leads to something else which they didn't have time for at the moment, or they did simply just not hear you because they were absorbed in their own thoughts or in a conversation with friends. Additionally many people grew up with the "don't talk to strangers" deal.

If someone I knew, even casually or just through facial recognition said hullo, I would respond in a heart beat. If someone walked up to me in a social setting and said hullo and I didn't know, I would respond. But responding to a hullo on the street, when those seem to be caused either because someone is physically attracted to you or wants you to sign something, makes many women I know reluctant.]

brazilian707 · Answer

i know I am young to be answering this question but from my perspective many girls either think the are to good for certain men (even though you can never be "too good" for a person) or they are just bitches. If I saw a guy walking toward me and he said hey I would try to start up a conversation no matter what he looked like, some girls don't realize that sex isn't the only thing guys are into.

i think that you sound like a really nice guy and you will find love one day I promise you. all you have to do is look in the right place at the right time.

my theory is that everybody has a soul mate out there somewhere so you have to keep trying to find him/her or else somebody else will.

so don't give up.

as for the lowering your standards I don't think you should do that you like what you like and nobody should be able to tell you otherwise

steveguitar · Answer

try to be nice but never really know how I come off around people. likely awkward. I've been shy all my life, well at least as far as I remember moving to the city I live in. never had amazing friends or anything lost all childhood friends and all that, and girls never speak/spoke to me, unless they are forced to, or I am ordering something from them or shopping. they might become a friend (or just act friendly), because I work with them.

I've never dated or anything, so I know how you feel about never getting women. So I basically gave up, I no longer care about getting a relationship... I really don't know what I would do in one anyways. If it happens it happens, but I'm not deliberately trying. can't even get the normal things I want in life, like a career that pays good money and that I feel a reason to pursue.

the only thing I know about girls is that they pursue guys in silence

dasouthernicon · Answer

dude, I been there- ur not seein thangs clearly- them gals who were mean to you are the ones with the problem, not you. Why lower ur standards? Try a diff venue to meet women..  Take an adult education class, doin sumthin ya like- you can meet women there. Anything other than watya been doing... This is just sumthin you are gonna havta conquer, QD... Don't let these bad experiences ruin watya got inside.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe you should change your approach, the one you have does not seem to be working.  Also try meeting people in maybe adult classes where you are not just approaching some stranger who may be in the middle of something or having a bad day or whatever, some people are wary of strangers remember.  But if you got to know someone on a social level you will have better luck.

Miss-October · Answer

Wow, I'm sorry you have had such bad luck with women. If you are a gentleman like you claim, then if you broaden your horizons and look outside of where you live, you may luck up and find a nice woman.

Some women are rude to nice guys because they want jerks or men who have no intentions of showing them respect. That is a direct reflection of who they are as women.

I say keep hope alive, travel and get out of the Mass. box. We are out there, come get us!

ALWAYSclassy · Answer

Maybe you are just attracted to stuck up women.  Maybe there is a vibe that they give off that you're subconsciously attracted to.  I say this because I don't know ANY woman who would act like that.  If a guy said "Hello" to me, I would never respond like that, even if I wasn't interested.  Most of the time women say hello, it's not like you asked her what her bra size is.

ReneDS · Answer

i really dont know why, they want a nice guy but when they can have one, they believe that it can't be true, woman are messed up these days. i blame it on feminism, woman are wonderfull beings but clearly lose the sight of what they are,

Anonymous · Answer

women are rude to nice guys because they just haven't woke up to reality. jerks will hurt them and then after that they will realize what they're missing. I love nice guys!

rickyzg · Answer

It's because nice guys are perceived as fake, it's only about their own needs. Reality is that there is no only nice people in world. We have all kind of personality inside self, show her real self, oppose her opinion you being a nice guy is just a mask, kindess is different, you act like no doormat and still being kind to a girl. You have standards. Nice guys sacrifice themself for girl and that's not good. Just be yourself and do not focus much on girls and one will come when you least hope.

Modernhippy · Answer

Normally whenever I see these it's a but hurt dumb guy but this guy actually seems to be pretty intelligent and level headed

Billlewis · Answer

Because they know we're not worthy even to kiss their feet.

Musicman93 · Answer

I'm at the same point. I think treating them like shit is the only thing I haven't tried.

Anonymous · Answer

... ...

gemini_babez · Answer

well thats just sad, i hope you find her one day :)

Why are women rude to nice guys?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why are women rude to nice guys?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.