How do I stop being socially retarded?

i am 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend or been kissed because I am socially retarded. I don't know how to talk to people. I am extremely shy and never know what to say. I'm afraid of letting others see my true self because I think they'll reject me. only my true friends understand me. I hate talking to guys because I know very well I am fat and ugly and that guys won't bother with a girl like that. do I have any hope?


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What Girls Said 33

What Guys Said 45

  • im totally dorky! I never liked showing my "true self" because I was like you, afraid to be judged. one day I just didn't care and now people find me funny and adorable! lol whatever.. but be yourself, someones bound to like you. you do have friends after all.

  • I know how you feel, I am not all that shy, but I am pretty insecure about my weight and I actually avoid boys because of that, is like that saying "if you don't love yourself who will".

    As I don't love myself physically I won't expect anybody to do it, so I will work harder on losing weight because I know that's my barrier and I am much older than you, so I feel that ii don't have much time less...However I could work out like a maniac and be like Demi Moore, so who knows...

    So if body is the issue work on that, you are pretty young there is still time and hope

    Good luck

  • Are you 20 or 24?

  • Just be yourself ; and there IS a person hand made for you out there. Like I said, be your self and if they don't like it , they obviously aren't meant for you. (:

  • You need to be confident in yourself and stop worrying about what people will say or think. No risk, no gain.

  • why are you being such a downer! :(

    thats not good at all keep telling yourself this and it will be you.

    go out meet people go to a club there is a lot of drunk people there that talk to strangers!

    it can be male and females just to get you comfortable with meeting new people and talking.

    talk about a subject don't tell them your life story just anything make inside jokes enjoy yourself!

    when people invite you out do you usually say no?

    take every chance ther is to meet someone and don't be shy! chances are if you don't want to you will never have to talk to that person again.

    hope you start talking to guys especially! you will enjoy it! :)

    good luck!

  • Well, at least you have true friends. Why don't you treat guys the way you treat your true friends? :)

  • OK, I really think I can help you,so:


    1.First of all ease-up on the make up,try a more natural look,it's way more attractive

    2.Get a new haircut,that kind of change will be good for you,ask your hairdresser what would look good on you

    3.You're not ugly! You have some really nice features! For example:your lips

    4.I can't really see your body but if you're not satisfied excersize,diet,just don't do anything harmful

    5.Dress in cute,flattering clothes


    1.Focus on the positive! Don't search for your flaws,nobody's perfect and there are many people out there who look much much worse than you!When you find yourself thinking: "OMG I'm so fat!" STOP and think: "Hey my hair is really nice!"

    2.Search for your inner beauty,you could be: hard-working,helpful,compassionate,understanding,a good listener,tactful,respectful,polite,full of forgiveness etc.

    3.Now that you know what your inner qualities are,start working on those you wish you had,for example:If you're not very tactful,and wish you were more level-headed,work on that

    4.Don't be jealous of others! There's always gonna be someone more beautiful,smarter etc. Don't hold that against them,if someone's more successful,let it be an encouragement for you to work harder!

    5.Find a way to express yourself! This is best done through a hobby:dance,draw,read,play sports,write stories,do whatever you like,it will boost your confidence,relax you and make you feel great.

    6.Be responsible! Do your obligations on time,this way you'll be less stressed out,you'll get better results and you'll make your parents proud.

    7.Raise your head and smile,walk confidently,this makes you more approachable.

    8.If you don't know what to talk about, google:conversation topics,you'll find some great ones!

    9.Pay people compliments but WARNING:They MUST be sincere,because people see right through insincere compliments and they'll think you have some hidden intentions

    10.And last,but certainly not least:Don't think to much about what others think,If you're self-conscious all the time you're much more likely to do something weird


  • Girl... if you go about with the attitude "i am fat and ugly and guys shouldn't bother", then guess what? guys will see you as fat and ugly and won't bother.

    Sexy is all about attitude, trust me.

    Repeat after me:

    "hey hey hey hey hey, I don't care what b*tches say, I don't even look their way, every time I walk in da club they hatin' on me because they kno I look good, my hair done right and my dress real tight all eyes on me, I took the night!"

    The point here is: CONFIDENCE. Find parts about yourself that you like and accentuate them. Great boobs? Cleavege top. Nice calves? Heels, baby! Great hair? Let it down! And smile a lot.

    If you don't feel too confident about your weight, then lose some of it. Get rid of the clothes that make you look fat and get stuff that will make you look good. Get sexy lingerie, even if nobody will see it--you will feel instantly sexy. The point is, once you will feel good about yourself, your entire posture will change, pepole will notice, and guys will instantly be more attracted to you.

    GOod luck!

  • Aww you do have hope just believe in yourself and practise with bartenders, flirting takes practise. Hope this helped

  • Omg your not fat and ugly. Society has drilled in our minds we have been perfect and nonflawless. If I were you, I go to some groups or hang out place. Try talking to the other, make small talk about whether it going on. Like if it's a cooking class, be like that looks good, have you been to any other cooking classes in town, etc..

  • beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

    I think you need oto stop wasting your energy hating your body, and love every single inch.


    I've always figured that personal grooming& dressing nice always makes a person happy.

    &ive never been kissed either. :) you'll be just fine.

    && they are plenty of guys who love curvy girls& look for their personality.

    cause guess what? looks fade.

  • Of course you do.

    Try to boost your confidence level!

    NO ONE is ugly!

    Be yourself so people could see the real you! People will like you for who you really are and people who hate who you really are has to deal with the fact and the fake.

    If you're interested in a guy, show interest in him. But don't get all over his face, it'll just seem freaky.

  • you sound like you need confidence. you definitely don't look fat in the picture and you need more positive enforcement and you also need to tell yourself you look fine. and start going out there and talking to guys. have fun and make it a learning experience, use common sense and it isn't that hard to go talk to guys. they're people too.

  • Yes you have hope. Quit feeling bad for yourself and start talking to people. It may be hard, but your not a kid anymore. There may be a handful of idiots who are still going to have the same ideas they had back in high school, but for the most part once you get to a certain level a maturity everybody should be a perspective friend. You just need to start talking.

  • be friend with positive people.

    Someone that not shallow minded by picky at friend.

    Someone who says positive about you.

    first of all, you have to change your mind set.

    Stop thinking bad about your self.

    try to compliments your self in each positive things you done.

    If you don't like your self, how people could do :)

    hope it works

  • yes you do!

    First you are thinking you are fat and ugly not then if they have they said something.

    Second no body is socially retarded just because they've never been kissed or had a boy friend.

    you need a higher self esteem.

    when you are ready to accept your self as a wonderful and beautiful girl you are you are going to start hanging with more people and not just in your shell all curl up with only your friends you've know.

    Third, I've been in your shoes and I know how it feels, the only thing you need to worry about is how you feel about your self and them the others.

    Finally, start by talking to guys you could start with ugly guys and then move higher.

    Oh yeah do me a favor and respond to that question:

    am I in love? If I am should I tell him?

    I'm really desperate and I will appreciated.

    Thank you.

  • why don't you ask a guy out for once?

    • Agreed, it's time for women to "man up", after all, the word "woman" has the word "man" in it

    • She doesn't have the balls =))

  • You have hope. You need some emotional help in the way of professional therapy. I've been there... I was a teen and wasn't pretty because I had horrible acne and overweight. You need to change your outlook and start being positive. Keep dressing up and making an effort. It'll make you feel better about yourself. And always ask yourself, "how can I feel just a little better than I do now?"

    Good luck...

  • Get over the shyness and the rest will fall into place. I used to be horribly shy, I'd be the one standing at the wall at a party. Now I'm much more confident, and make friends easily.

    They way I got past it is really simple. I set myself targets like 'talk to three strangers by the end of the week'. It could be as simple as asking someone the time. You'll get used to interacting with people and that panic of 'oh no, what do I say? Will that sound dumb? Just say something!' will go away. Keep trying until you get relaxed around people, then you can finally act like yourself and have fun socialising.

    It's completely worth it.

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  • Selected as most helpful

    OK I have a bunch of assorted thoughts on the subject because I went through a really similar crisis about a year ago:

    - I was skinny but had strabismus (an eye disorder that makes your eyes look very ugly) and cystic acne (the most severe kind of acne out there) so it didn't really matter. I had to make some major lifestyle changes, like no eating dairy, grains, red meat, having a daily skin routine, learning to sleep in certain positions that don't irritate my skin, etc., but now I have no acne. Also because my diet is so healthy, my body is a lot better as well as my face. It's got a defined bone structure and jawline and everything. You think you'll only get skinny, but you'll become more facially beautiful as well.

    - I was similarly socially dumb. Even though I'm about to be a junior in college had only been on a date with one girl ever and that girl asked me out (this was before I started getting acne way back when I was like 14 or so heh) and I have had like one kiss in the past 5 years. You gotta start first by giving yourself reasons to like yourself. At first my reasons were pretty small because I still had some major problems and I would be happy I got out of bed and went to all my classes and took notes and stuff. Later when I solved problems like my appearance and was less nervous about that and went out every day to take care of my responsibilities, I would be happy with myself when I went to the gym to get myself in good shape compared to even the athletic kids. Or I would congratulate myself for talking to the people in my hall and paying them complements. When I was invited to go eat dinner with them it was a huge deal. Learning to like myself made me more positive and consequently made me easier to like.

    - Social skills are just like artistic skills or book smarts or writing abilities or video game abilities. You aren't born with them but you get them through practice. People who are socially skilled are people who love themselves and others so they spent lots of time in the past talking to others. If you want to be socially skilled, you have to make a commitment to get yourself out there and really talk to others and get to know yourself and others.

    Basically, I can't tell you if you have any hope or not though. If you believe in yourself and are ready to make some major changes inside and outside, you have hope and you'll have hope to do much greater and tougher things. If you read what I wrote and you are thinking "yeah but all that is so hard, is there any other way", well then you may not have any hope. When it comes to changing completely as a person, there are no shortcuts. But also there is no limit to how much you can change. For example Jessica Alba was called "the ugly duckling" by her family when she was young (read her Wikipedia and you'll see why).

    Don't let who you are now decide who you are going to be, but rather who you WANT to be decide who you're going to be. If you dream big and work hard, you got hope.


      Very thoughtful

    • Forgot to add that I got eye surgery and after all the changes, I have now been on many more dates with girls ha ha (still no girlfriends yet, I'm looking for the right woman, but I've got options for myself at least)

  • Firstly, you're never, ever fat or ugly, there will be a guy that is looking for a person like you, not for your looks but for your personality. As for being shy, a lot of guys think that's cute and some guys look for shy girls. Being afraid to show your true self is normal, but it's like lying to yourself. Maybe one of your friends has a crush on you and just hasn't said so yet. Just try a little bit harder, show your courage and you should be fine.

  • I doubt you're "fat and ugly" :\ that's just silly. So many girls think that and they're fine. Usually more ideal than the "skinny" (i.e. the ugly ass models) look and not ugly in the slightest. Realize that you women hold yourselves up to actually more ridiculous standards than we men even do. Those models? Most guys find them actually unappealing because they're too skinny or whatnot. And without their make up man.. they look horrid and unhealthy.

    Focus on what you like about yourself and think how awesome that is. Don't fret if you haven't been with anyone yet, you'll find that right guy. Focus on just trying to make friends and something more will probably come :) it's tough when you're shy, it's generally slower going than others who are more outgoing/loud, but it's still more than capable for any shy person to find friends and more.

  • yes you have hope in you be confident in you and your stamina and capacity to satisfy the moods,try and convince.

  • You have to love yourself before someone else can love you. Also, present yourself well so that a guy can approach you. Likewise, if you want to approach a guy, dress well because that's the first impression of you he's going to get. You are not fat or ugly; I'd date you!

  • First: if that pic in your ID is really you, then you are not fat, you are actually very cute!

    Second: you have to think of it this way: it doesn't matter if you are fat and ugly(which you are neither) but if a guy can't except you for who you are then he's not good enough for you. even if you had a boil on your forehead the size of a melon! lol. You are beautiful! Remember that! and to be honest you'll never be truly beautiful till you see yourself as beautiful. There is hope for you! there's all the hope in the world, you just have to see it, you need to be more confident in yourself, don't get me wrong I know that is easier said than done but you gotta work on it. Everyone is beautiful in there own way anyways, you wanna stand out, if you were the same as all the other girls who you think are pretty and get the guys, then there would be nothing different or special about you, in other words youd be "pretty" but plain. no one wants plain or something everyone else has. so see your beauty for what it is. cause its there, we can all see it obviously, lol, but you have to see it. so I hope this has helped you, good luck cutie! and if you ever wanna talk or need someone to talk to, or just want another person to chat to, messege me. ttyl, have a good day!

  • You need more confidence. That might start with losing some weight so you feel better about yourself and stop eating to make yourself feel good. Wear decent clothing and don't dress in a sloppy manner. Wear a little make-up but don't over-do it. Guys love girls with nice hair and a nice smile...even if they are shy.

  • First of all you call yourself a princess for life so deep somewhere you must feel your not fat and ugly or want to be perceived as a princess. I looked at your pic and although I can't see it that good you no only are not ugly but look quite beautiful and are clearly thin and not fat at all. But for some very very odd reason you have low self esteem and don't feel good about yourself--I don't know who in your life gave you the impression you're unloveable and not beautiful but that must have stuck in your psyche.

    All I can say sweetie is the ugly image is not true trust me let it go it ain't true you are beautiful. As far as the shy thing most guys like that I do--i can't stand loud obnoxious aggressive girls--if guys come onto you which they will just be open and don't shut them out and run away. give em a chance. plus I find it hard that no guy has ever tried to kiss u.

    and what is it about your true self that will make people run away--i mean really? everyone has there guard up to some degree we all come from dysfunctional families, and burp, scratch our buts, and get blamishes and have I feel fat not so good days

    If you need to talk to and surround yourself with people who make you feel good not people who think your ugly and fat which someone must have told you. see a psychiatrist if you have to if you have social anxiety or take meds for it. I used to years ago for anxiety.

    dont feel bad about not being kissed or having a bf(im sure your not the only girl who hasnt) I would be honored to pucker your hot lips...later hope that advice helped. if you need to talk about your prroblems in the future just ask me anytime

  • Tell me about it

  • What you are feeling is actually normal and is felt by a lot of people our age.

    What you need to realize is no one will come and look for you, you have to put yourself out there. That's how the mojority of people operate, when they get bored, lonely; ring a friend, visit a friend, get out of the house...

    Don't hesitate going to see other people, don't put of appointments because you can't be bothered.

    Make an effort...

    Also actually don't worry about feeling anxious around people, just be, and relax, don't need to impress people..

    Because sometimes our need to be viewed a certain way causes us to anxious... Just remember a lot of people don't care about the way people look.. e.g if you heard your friend was an addict, you worry about it, but you'll still have fun together.

    Go to friends house and chill there for a bit, join a gym with someone.. MAKE AN EFFORT.

  • How about starting to work out and starting to feel better about yourself? There are quite a few chubby girls out there that give me a boner but they all take good care of themselves, have great haircuts etc. Also it's not that difficult to lose weight if you excercise. It can be really fun too. Just don't expect that you'll loose weight immediatelly and do it for the fun of it. It also lowers the sex-drive, releases endorfins etc. There is no downside to excercise. You're young. You can change you appearance like that *snaps his fingers*. You owe it to yourself to try.

  • Your just like me. Except I am very healthy and good looking and have had the opposite mistreatment that you have had. I suggest you change your lifestyle to fit what you want. Or by your late twenties you will... become and angry, hateful, bitter, misogynist like myself. Well maybe you won't hate women. But you'll hate men.

  • be yourself! that's all you need. if your shy be shy :D

  • well you are sayin you never showed your true self... maybe that is the answer?

  • Am twenty and considered myself socially retarded. I have no friends "Am not nearly as mean on the outside world as I am on the internet, just in case someone thinks that's why am alone". Did You suffer and betrayal or been moved around so many times, that any long time friends were lost to U? It's the source of my loneliness and I just want to know is it ur's. For if that's the case, You can do the following

    A. Take Bobair's advice step by step and hope something clicks


    B. Embrace the loneliness as I have and get use to being happy with yourself. Tyler Perry said it best "If You can't be by yourself, what You gonna do with somebody else?"

    • I experience the kind of loneliness from moving around too much... I guess it has reached the point where I can't bother making friends or showing how I am... Blaah, I'm tired, but I don't want to be tired.

  • Two things...

    1) People don't wake up one day and suddenly play the piano. They practice, they cramp up, they suffer, and over time they usually get good at it.

    It's easy to sit at home feeling sorry for yourself and pretending that nobody else has ever had to leave their comfort zone, but all you're doing is hurting yourself.

    Instead, you need to do what everyone else that's out and about - you're going to need to practice, practice, practice.

    Know how I started getting good with women and dating? I did what all pickup artists do: I started with baby steps... I forced my self to talk to strangers while shopping. I'd say, "Excuse me, do you know the time?" Then I graduated to, "Hey, do you know if it's supposed to rain this weekend?" And eventually I was making it up, like, "Hey, you look like you have awesome fashion sense... am I supposed to wear a white belt if I buy these white shoes? I want to look normal without looking gay, know what I mean?"

    The more you chat with people the more comfortable you'll get in your own skin.

    2) Your ego is keeping you safe and sound at home. Your ego is killing your social game. It's your ego that's overly concerned that people like you. It compares you to others and judges you for being different. It tells you that your value as a person is based upon how others see and judge you.

    Kill that motherf***er while you're still young. Because if you let your ego rule your life you'll always end up getting walked all over, hurt and dismissed.

    If you had no ego you wouldn't care about such silly things as "rejection" or "embarrassment" because these are just useless worries. Google the ego and see what you can learn about taming the beast. It'll be the best thing you ever did!

    Once you've lessened the pull of you ego you'll come to realize that the only person whose opinion matters is your own. That's it, that's all.

    And if you're not willing to encourage and raise yourself up, why should anyone else.

    We're all in the same game together... we're all worried about everyone else and what they'll think of us.

    It's those who become enlightened enough to go beyond their egos who truly find happiness and peace!

    Good luck butter cup!

    ~ Robby

    My Blog ( link )

    • He said it all, it takes practice...Just start with baby steps talking with strangers, you will became more comfortable about yourself

    • Great answer (:

    • You're so sweet :)

  • It takes practice to talk to people. You need to talk to guys in social situations and as far as being confident about yourself, well only you can change that.

  • Well, you don't look that fat in your pic, you look about average and far skinnier and better looking than girls I meet who tell me they're curvy or voluptous. As for being overly shy you're on par with 95% of the guys out there so don't worry about it. Just look at all the "shy" posts on this site from guys who are frustrated because they can't figure out how to talk to a girl.

  • honestly. your just not confident. at all. obviously.

    you just need to tell yourself, you are who you are. you're beautiful and there ar guys out there who like you. you're just too blind to notice. be yourself. I guarantee someone will like you. :)

  • From what I can see (picture is small) you're not ugly at all. I'd say what's up. And be your true self. If people don't like, take or accept you for's their loss. Fuk em'. Move on.

    • Yeah, you probably shouldn't say stuff like that..

    • Well, don't literally f*** them lol

  • Why are you asking for Pity? If you aren't satisfied with the way you look then you have some ability to change it. If your overweight, then exercise. Yes, exercise is hard, but if you want to stop wallowing in self pity then get up and start exercising. Go ask out guys. Go have sex. Go do crazy Shiii.

    • He's right by getting up and doing it. I wouldn't just go having sex with people lol that would then be a little slutty. But like he said if you feel overweight go to the gym....guys will hit on you there, it actually gets pretty ridiculous how many guys use the same stupid line of showing them how to exercise.

    • He's right

    • I know this is harsh,but the guy is right...

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