I hate my life ...What should I do?

I have a very strict mom, like there is no other. All my friends call me Cinderella that's how bad it is. I do all the chores, I can't go out. I probably go out maybe 3 times a year, and get bitched at every time! yesterday I went to volunteer WITH my school, and their were teachers. and got home at 10: 55 EXACTLY, and HELL broke loose..i am 17 years old, its my last year of high school, I wanna get accepted to a university really really far and just leave, my mom doesn't allow me to move out, but I don't wanna live like this anymore, all my friends go out, I mean I am turning 18 this year, I should be able to go out. I don't drink, smoke or do any drugs. I also believe in no sex before marriage. So what should I do?


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What Girls Said 27

What Guys Said 27

  • well you have good morals so your mom should trust in you to leave. its your life, do what you wish. when your 18 your a legal adult. I'm sorry she treats you like that, ill pray for you. good luck:)

  • I had a horrible life at home with my dad before I went to college not as bad as you described with your mom but I just had to hang in there until I got to a college 3 hours away from home. If you have helpful counselors you could ask one to help you. You could just get them to get your mom to open up to the idea of a school far away. have an excuse as to why you have to go so far away...mine was that this college was the only one that has the minor I wanted

  • Are you an only child? sounds like you are the only thing she has "left in the wold" so she is clinging on to you. But you need to talk to her to make her understand, that she is making live really hard for you by her controlling behaviour. You need your space, you need to go out with friends some times as that is what young people wanna do. Tell her that you will be back at a time that you both argree on (And do so!) if she sees, that you are reliable, so she might loosen the lead a bit more.

    And if it doesn't help, wait till your 18 and then leave home, maybe that will open her eyes. You might be her child, but not an item, you are a human being with desires and plans, ambitions (like studying). She just has to accept that. And at the latest when you have moved out, whe will have to learn that! Good luck!

  • cry a river build a bridge and get over it.. love that saying :)

  • well don't do anything stuiped like kill yourself because it won't be worth it, you need to prove to your mum that your the better person, don't show her that she up sets you cos that just makes her keep doing it I know because my mum is a total bitch about everything but I got out and now I live with my bestie but you don't show her that she's hert you because yer just keep going and when your 18 you can leave with out parents being able to control you

  • When I was 15 I'd jsut sneak out and do all these thigns, then finally I jsut couldn't take the stress my mom was inflicting upon me on my 16th bd I moved out. I've been living a great life ever since. Explain to her that you are 17, and that she needs to let loose. If she still doesn't take you seriously, then leave for a few days. Go stay with a friend. She'll eventually come around.

  • You should stop caring and just do whatever you want. My parents tried to play that trick on me, it didn't work. I snuck out all the time:)

  • honey its the same for me! OK well your 17 right? you have a right to do what you want its your life you have to live it not her so sit her down and tell her everything that you hate about what she does to you, make sure she understands and doesn't say anything when your talking, I've had a friend who did that and she now has a life, and if that's doesn't work get a job, earn money and tell her stop controlling you and f*** off and move out! that's what I would do

  • Sounds like you have a Mom who cares very much for you and is trying to protect you. BUT she' can't keep you in a bubble. You have a right to grow up and experience life. Once you turn 18m she can't stop you from moving out. In the eyes of the law, you are an adult and can do whatever you want. You should be having SOME fun during your teenage years and am sorry you aren't -- You SHOULD be allowed to do volunteer work. I would try talking to your Mom - explain that you know she loves you and wants to protect you - but that you are also a teenager and deserve to have a little fun. Can't you invite friends over? You can't go to a movie once ina while? That is really not fair. If she does not listen - when you turn 18, find a girlfriend and rent an apartment. But DO NOT DO IT til you have a job... I would prefer you go on to school to prepare for a wonderful career - Going away to college gets you out of the house, too!) Have you thought of that? Just remember.. Your Mom is doing the best she can and is afraid for you and your safety. Sure, it' s a little "overprotective".. .but would you rather her not care about you at all? Many teens would love it if their parents noticed them once in a while.. They are free to do whatever they want and get into any trouble they want believing nobody cares about them.. That's not you, Sweetie. Hang in there. Life will imrpove.. I promise you. Hugz.

  • i think that first you

    can have a talk with your mom face to face ,tell her what exactly you think .

    then see what she reacts

    if that changs nothing . then just do what you want to do (be sure the thing is right)

    'cause llife is just yours , and it's not as long as possible .

    so we shoud make it colorful ,valueable ,not just walk down the way have made by other guys.

  • college is your chance to get out of there,but don't cut contact with her because whatever she did to you she stills your mother, I hope you get out of this problem soon ^^

  • Hang in there just a little more longer until you turn 18! Apply to schools without your mom knowing about it, just keep thinking about that so you have something to look forward to! Make your own plans, if your mother for whatever reason treats you this way, even if she may have good intentions, its not right treat you this way. Once you are 18 there is nothing she can do to make you stay with her. If you have some great friends make plans with them. You can do it! Hang in there, you can do whatever you like once you're 18, focus on school for now, your grades and getting into a good college. One good thing about being "locked up" now is that you can solely work hard for you high school diploma. Once you're in college, you're free to spend time with friends and live your life the way you want to.

    Just hang in there and keep telling yourself you can do it and look forward to college. If your mom doesn't want to support you, you must find a way to do it yourself and you can do it!

  • once you are 18 there is not much your mom can do about it anymore because you will be a legal adult . if you still live at home with her when you are 18 she is still going to treat you like this . its best to finish school and get a job and MOVE OUT ! or go to collage like your wanting to . really intell your 18 there's not much you can do about it till then . maybe you should try to talk to your mom and tell her how you really feel WITHOUT getting into a fight . you want to be treated like an adult so have an adult convo with her meaning you don't get upset and yell at each other .

  • Many of the answers below tell you to either (a) suck it up, or (b) break out of what seems like jail. May I suggest a compromise? You do need to talk to your Mum, but don't do it in a confrontational sort of way, as more than one person below has suggested, to "lay it on the line". Any good negotiator will tell you that is *not* the way to earn respect. And no matter if you're a really wonderful daughter or not, you know that what you're really talking about here is to earn respect as an adult.

    If you're telling the truth, that you've done nothing to earn being what you think is being treated unfairly, then I suggest you put the ball in her court, with a simple first step. Getting a job to save for college is a worthwhile goal, so ask her exactly what you need to do to be allowed to get a job. She's then forced to be very specific, and give you certain conditions. As long as you meet the conditions, you've both had a "win", and there is no loser in the situation. The job is only your first step to earning more and more freedoms. Demonstrate to them that you're doing what you say you're going to do, that you're home on time, not forgetting to do your regular chores, etc., and after a few weeks, ask for another freedom.

    Several people below have also suggested that a little lie now and then won't hurt anyone, to tell your parents that you were working when you were instead out with friends. I would say that this is a very bad idea, as it would break the trust that you're working to build with your parents. If they found out (and they always do, don't they?) then any headway you've made will be a complete waste. You'll never be given any privileges again.

    As for complaining about chores, yes, often girls are given more chores than their siblings, especially if they're the oldest, which I was. I would say that you're basically stuck with that. But what doesn't kill you builds character. (Yeah, I know. I would hate it if somebody told me that too, but it's true. Sorry.)

  • i know how you feel. my mom is like that too. except. its an even bigger hell. half of the things I can't even say to anybody or else it goes to legal terms and I don't want anymore drama because its going to effect my dad. I have to do chores..i can't go outeither. and I'm so compressed that I can't breathe and say what I want.

    Hey anyways,...you should try talking to her. and say what YOU want. you can't be all weak. you are to take up and tell her WHY she's being like that. that's important. ask her WHY she's doing nthis. and why she's makeing. IF she gets mad at you and creats another thing. tell someone you know. they might really help you out. I learned to speak up and tell my mom the definition of a MOTHER, yes...i had to do that I told her a mothers job and told her about mother love


    and if she's doing all of this to you. she's probably not your real mother.i have a step mother.

    do you at least have a father?

    TRY REALLY hard to get into university. its your only way out. get a student loan. go live somewhere. stay healthy. and don't do anything negetive.

  • Dont argue with her. Just think it could be worse. I am you. But you have to realize that your mom. She is right as long as you live with her. Until, then you have no case. Sorry, but its true.

    I wish you the best

  • oh, man. You remind me of my friend. She's 21 and she's in the same situation. Like you, she doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs. Actually, there was a point in high school where she wanted to become a nun. Very religious. But, her mom is such a mean lady with her. Why? I don't know. She's a good kid. I'm actually surprised she hasn't rebelled.

    Anyway, I've always told my friend to take a stand. I mean, my friend is 21 for goodness sake and she still has to ask for permission to go out. You're going to be 18 soon and so I don't want you to end up like my friend... afraid of standing up to your mom. Do what's right for you.

    Is there a particular reason why your mom is like this? I mean, you can always talk to her and find out why she's so strict with you.

  • I had a mom like that (though she was malicious sometimes, but I won't get into that). I had terrible grades, started drinking, doing drugs, sneaking out in the middle of the night to rebel.

    Yeah, don't do that. Didn't work; you don't seem like the type to go down that path, but I feel like I should warn you anyway.

    Keep your grades up, number one. Is your mom religious? If so, volunteer with a church to pad your college applications, and apply to a religious school. Get a scholarship, as much as you can, and get the heck out of there. You can always transfer after a while, and if you work your butt off now you'll have every opportunity later.

  • Just like you said: get accepted into a college far, far away and move. If your mother won't pay for it, take out loans and get a parttime job. She cannot prevent you from going to college or doing whatever you want once you're 18. Just make sure you are responsible about it (ie, pay for your own bills.)

  • when you turn 18, you are legally an adult and can do whatever you want. wait until you turn 18, then move out and there will be nothing your mom can legally do about it.

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  • Selected as most helpful

    Some of the answers below telling you to suck it up are just about right. Unfortunately, there are 2 choices for you. You can take it and just move out when you get the chance, or you can go out and do what you want and screw up everything you've worked for, because if you start to rebel, you're gonna snap hard in that direction. Just remember that you're about to graduate, and once you do that, your life is your life. This is very temporary. Just don't screw it up, or it may become a lot less temporary (if you weren't to make it into college or something). Trust me, I know plenty of people in your exact situation who screwed up and ended up living with their parents until they were 22.

    About the chores and the lack of social life. Those chores are going to follow you for the rest of your life. I still have to clean my apartment regularly, wash a bunch of dishes, do laundry, sweep the floors, etc. on a regular basis, and I haven't lived with my parents for 5 years. If anything, the huge burden of chores isn't fair, but it's good for you in the long-run, because you will live better than most college students. Your lack of social life is also something that you may have to get used to. Depending on your major, you may have 5 days a week that you can hang out with friends, but in certain majors (like mine, Computer Engineering), you spend more time in lab than you do at home. I get to hang out with friends once every two weeks. Regardless of your mom's intentions, you can either view your restrictions as a curse upon you, or as a good training point for your next step in life, college.

    • I was about to answer but that's exactly what I wanted to say.. dynamic23 you're absolutely right and Layla101, from your name it seems like I know the culture you're living in so really don't screw up

  • Was your mother raised by overprotective parents? My mom's father was very strict with her growing up, the house had to be cleaned when he came home. My mom was strict with me and my brother, we couldn't go to a neighbors house unless the parents were there or play in the street like other kids. We were allowed to go out to birthday parties whenever we were invited to them. My mom was really strict when it came to girls, she was against girls that dressed Gothic and called them 'devil girls'. She went as far and going to my brother's middle school to find that he was seeing this so called "devil girl" and wanted him to stop seeing her. She took him outta that school district and enrolled him in Christian school and later public school. What my brother did is he couldn't take my mom's rules. Its her house so she makes the rules; no drinking, drugs, tell me where you going, no girls coming over, etc. He moved out a few years back with his girlfriend. Its so much better as he doesn't have deal with my mom's rules and her arguing over stuff.

    Your mom means well, she is just protecting you from the world. She wants what is best for you and nothing more. She cares for you, I know its hard to see that now. I say talk to your mom about how you feel about her controlling you. If she is understanding she will bend the rules around. If she is not then she is just too stubborn to let you live a life. its not right to not have a life and just be at home for the rest of your life. I wish you the best of luck.

  • do you know why your mother is strict?

    ~Because she was what you want to be.

    She knows what good girls get up 2. She's just trying to protect you, and 10: 55 or 22:55

    did you tell her you where going out? maybe she thought you got attacked, raped ect. very plausible especially where I lived, being out that late means trouble.

    And you have no idea what strict is.

    Have you ever said no to your mother? if you have you don't have strict parents.

    Do you get his often? I'm 18 and I do when I talk back, right in the face from my mom and dad. not abuse btw.

    My advice:

    Just hang in there, make a deal and tell her if you get a scholarship that she will allow you to go live on campus at university?

    and if you want to go live on your own where you gonna live?

    Does it matter?

    and who is going to pay for you? Your parents? HAHA. if you think they should do that just because you want to then you are immature and have allot to learn before you go out of the house

  • Just run, don't wait, its is your life, and you living like a cinderella, you will do better without her.

  • Kinda sounds like your moms just over protective. But hey when your 18 and you live in the US according to the law your mom cannot force you to stay at home. So go ahead and aply for colleges that are away from home. I know how ya feel though cause I can't stand my mom either and I can't wait to go off to college.

  • my mother and father and some of my siblings was the same way with me but they kicked me out of the house because they hated me ... just don't do what I did and quit school cause life really sucks without a hs diploma save money and get as far away from them as you can when you turn 18 you can tell them where they need to go and they can't tell you what to do cause your an adult age and if they abuse you call the cops they'll get arrested and you can press charges and you can have the house to yourself for awile and the jail will streighten them scumbag parents up social services will probably help you too from demestic violence ... I feel for you and I wish I can help you but my life sucks too and I have no money etc also remember cinderella she found a prince and she was saved away from the evil stepsisters etc maybe you'll fall in love with a nice guy that will take you away from them stupid scumbag parents of yours hahahahahahahahahahaha just hang in there sweetheart maybe your friends parents can help you too you never know ... I wish I can rescue you

  • Omg... this brings up sad memories.

    I have a friend that is in the exact same situation with you, only she was in depression. It got worse, and her family thought that it was because there was something wrong with her, so they pressured her even more, until she tried committing suicide. Twice.

    Now, I don't want you to go through the same process, so I want to offer you a way out (but it might not work). Please note that these tactics should only be used if there's NOTHING else that you can do, and if your mother DOESN'T agree to get the opinion of a 3rd person (a counselor, a psychiatrist, etc.).

    Here are the dangerous tactics that I propose:

    1-) Building Up Your Freedom

    I don't know what your mother's do's and dont's are, but try doing something in the limit (like something that she would barely allow). If you can do it more than a couple of times, you might be able to make the limits a litle more elastic, and may be do something a little further in the limit, and so on.

    2-) Insurrection

    Again, I don't know whether this would work with your mother, but you might want to sacrifice every privilege and every property you have in the house, and go for an open riot where if you manage to get out of the house, you return whenever you want, however you want. You will most probably get grounded and punished for this. (That is why I said you should sacrifice every privilege and property you have.) In the end, there will be a point where you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and vice versa for your mother. It will be very hard and you will be grounded/punished for a VERY long time, but you might succeed.

    Again, Tactic #1 is what I used to do with my mother, and it worked for her, but it may not work for you. Tactic #2 is what my suicidal friend did, and it worked for her (after 2 long and painful months though), but it may not work for you.

  • become a rabbi

  • Give her logic :D That's what I do with mine. If she has a problem with you, let's just say, spending the night with some friend, say that it's for a group project.

  • i believe that suffering is compulsory, pain is optional!

    1st of all...dont hate your mom so much try to understand her...try to figure out the reason why she doesn't allow you to go out...ask yourself Questions...is she really that bad? or she's just trying to keep me away from all the bad things? does she live like a Queen while you end up doing all the chores? or it's the situation that requires you to do all the work?...try to befriend your mom...try to enjoy your life within your limits!

  • go to the toilet...take a poop and scream "AHHHHHHHHHHH GET OUTTTA MEEEEEEEEEEEEE"...

    but really...if you're friends are calling you names I wouldn't cnosider them "friends"...go out and find people who like you for who you are...stand up to your mother, sure respect is important but um your mother has to understand taht you have your own life too - if you're afraid you need to go talk to a councelor WITH your mother and sit down to discuss this issue...over controlling parents do not help their children live healthy lives...matter of fact tis the complete opposite

    yorue mom is a crazy bitch and needs to re-evaluate herself...shes making you out to have a miserable life...i think if you talk to a councelor about it and have her actually undertand and have a grown person, with a degree, agree with you on certain aspect maybe she'll get it...otherwise hold on until your in college and then never turn back...

    in teh end, find some friends who can help you through this, not mock you and call you names

  • Yeah, my life sucks too. I'm sorry darling, but remember nothing lasts forever. Keep your head up!

  • When you are 18 I don't think you can be legally forced to stay at your home. Just try your hardest to get accepted to a good college and then pack up your stuff and tell your mom, "I am going to leave. You can try to stop me, but I am going to. I love you so much, but I need to have a life. I need to leave."

  • You should get some pizza it cheers me up

  • I know exactly what you're talking about. One of my best friend has a mom almost (by the sound of it) identical to yours. What he has done over time is slowly convinced his mom that he had too much work and that she was being too strict. This, unfortunately, did require him to give his mom a few "reality checks" which were basically when he just flat out told her what she was doing was wrong and why. These, of course, led to some intense arguing and fighting but in the end his mom softened up a little. The going will get tough but the fight will be worth it. Just keep your head high and hold your ground.

  • well tell me do you hate you mom ? sometimes I feel the same way but at the end of the day I know they love me and they are just trying to keep me in the right direction,

  • Watch this video: link

    When your done, think about the life you have compared to some of these.

    • You're not allowed to sulk about it everyday. Think about everything you have. Seriously. You can feel bad, just don't let it rule your life.

    • What, we're not allowed to feel bad or want a better life because there's people worse off out there?

  • First of all. I'm sorry for u.

    Well try to tell her about your issues and maybe she's gonna understand you otherwise be patient till you finish your high school.

    Good Luck

  • Is there a reason that your mom is so strict on things? Think deep down. Does she have a reason somewhere? If not, well, and it's just strictness, I think coming to her with some well thought out reasons why you want more chances to go out.

    Remind her that she raised you pretty well; this isn't a chance for you to go out and rebel, but a chance to find some kind of independence.

    Perhaps there's someone out there who she'll listen to. Try to get them to reason with her. Another step might be to find a counselor out there who can help.

    Barring that, if nothing happens for the better, I think it's time you save up, and then get your own place/pay for your own education. If you never go out, then maybe you'll have had some money saved up. Do you have a job? It may be some more sacrifice, but perhaps this will be the way to do it. However, if she does let up, don't go crazy with this new "freedom" or she won't be so inclined to let you go out.

    Good luck

  • Layla, I really don't mean to be a creep but I am the exact same as you. I have a very controlling father. I just turned 18 in april and still I have a curfew of 5:30-6 PM.

    I have been talking to a lot of friends recently about what to do and what should I do. Please message me because I really want to give you my part on this and help you.

    Im in the same boat. I don't drink, do drugs or any of that

  • just tell her you're 17 and not 5. you're obviously mature and you should be able to do whatever you want.

    • Just don't put it like that! Saying that you should be allowed to do whatever you want won't help your case any.

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