HELP! What should I do about my lying boyfriend?

I'm gonna try to make this as short as possible. Okay we meet in high school when he was 15 and I was 17. he was very shy and the innocent type. I'd say a couple years into the relationship I would catch him with porn on his computer etc. and he would lie about it, which I hated! Please don't lie once you've been caught. but anyhoo I always let that slide, cause its just porn I guess. well now we've been together for 8 years and we've been living together for 3 years. I ask him about his job and if there are any girls there and he says no, but then one day he left a message on my sisters phone talking to a girl, I was pissed that he lied about no grils working there, and the fact that he tells me he never talks to girls like that, I wasnt mad that he was talking to her it was just a conversation about music but I didn't like the fact that he lied. Then I'll just catch him with little things, like being online when he said he wasn't, just small things, like why would you lie? and even after I show him hard evidence he still tried to back pedal. Now today we bought a porn to watch together but I have it stored away in my drawer a certain way. well today I noticed the dvd that was in the dvd player was taken out and placed on top and I looked at the porn and it was not the way I put it. and the thing is the only time he could have watched that is well I was waiting in the car for him downstairs when I was waiting for him to go to "the bathroom" which I don't know how long he took because I fell asleep waiting. Anyhoo I kinda told him about it and asked if he watched it and he said no, but he was asleep so ill ask him again tomorrow, but I know hell just lie.


all these little lies eat away at me, and I just feel like I can't trust him. if he lies to me about these little things, and even after I catch him he won't admit it, I mean that makes me wonder what else he's hiding. I feel so hurt. I don't know what to think or do. what do you all think ?

 

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  • My husband started off the same way... little lies. Over time they got worse... not that your mans will. I love my husband more than anything and don't want to leave him... but yet I wonder about what I don't know. He will admit to me what I find out... but nothing more. I know know there are some truth issues, but we are working through them. From flirting with women, to internet usage, ex's hanging around, phone usage, etc. Try to encourage honesty.

    • Yeah that's exactly how my boyfriend is, only admits when I show him proof. and the thing is I don't yell or become overbearing cause I don't like that, but he still lies. we've been talking about it a lot lately and things have gotten a lot better. he's starting to admit to things more. I told him that I just don't like the hiding and lying, I like the truth, and its not like I get mad you know? Maybe he had exes that would get mad about little things or something who knows lol. Thanks for your answer :)

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    Well first of all he will lie when you ask question's.All guy's like porn.I feel abd for you that he repeatedly lie's to you after you ask him question's.Now if he love's you he shouldn't have lied to you in the first place.A women will alway's remember if her boyfriend or husband has lied in the past.Now if I was in your shoe's and iw as lied to so many time's I would probably break up and never speak to him again.But that choice is your's.I hope it all work's out for you.Take care.Bye

    • Thanks for your answer :) the question wasnt really about porn though, it was about the lying. I LOVE porn and watch it all the time with and without him, but I just don't know why he lied to me not only about that but about everything, little things. more worried that he's gonna lie about a big thing you know what I mean? but you're right if I can't trust him and he lies about little things then I should just end it. I'm a chill girl I don't get y he lies, maybe that's just him. hmmm. lol but thanks

  • Everyone lies. So do you. When some random stranger asks you "How's it goin," do you actually tell them about the crappy or personal things that have happened to you that day?


    The problem I see is, you don't like his lying. He (I'm guessing) doesn't like your controlling. One of you two will have to give, because neither works in a relationship. You've probably trained him to lie to you. If he told you the truth, you would chastise him in anger (rather than talk it through and find a solution). And so, he's driven his porn activities (and other things) underground.

    • THANKS! That's exactly what I need to do and started doing, he has been more willing to admit and talk to me about things now. And its working we've gotten a little closer and better. I know its gonna take a while to see a big change and too see if he lies about something else, but so far so good. Thanks for your answer :)

    • Try this--start rewarding him for telling you the truth about things. Reward him with attention, with words, etc. This does not mean tell him you support anything he does, but if you're going to work through a problem (together), honesty is crucial. Eventually, he'll get the idea--it's more worth it for him to tell you the truth than lie.


      The ultimate reward, after the work in solving the problems, is a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.

    • The problem is he sees more advantage in lying to you than telling the truth. So, you need to make it worth his while to tell you the truth, of course without reinforcing that's it's ok to do certain thing. Porn... well maybe you don't like him to see it (or give him that impression), but all said and done, I'm sure you'd rather he cheat on you with a video than a real girl.

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  • The main purpose of porn is to facilitate masturbation. And since men are very visual animals, torrid depictions of humans in the midst of the love act do help them get to the big "O" sooner. And I got news for ya, Sis, when men masturbate they're not always thinking about you. Such fantasy scenarios are normal and very common. In contrast, many conservative parents would rather their children witness a graphic depiction of violence on screen than subject their progeny to the sight of a bum or a breast. As a society, we still harbor some fairly Victorian ideas when it comes to what we call healthy sex. Let your young buck wank and spank to his cock's delight. I'll bet money he has plenty left over for you. Honestly, your prehistoric attitudes towards porn and masturbation rank among the least of your problems.


    These trust issues--or obvious lack thereof--are gonna tear you guys apart. You eagerly search for tiny deceptions and betray a distrusting approach to your man. Maybe all his "little lies" represent a strategy for dealing with your jealousy. You're freaking out over the way your man pleasures himself, which frankly is his own business until it makes you late for the movies. If you want to spice things up, try and get him to wait until you get home from work. Tell him you care enough to lend a helping hand. Frankly, If men could have multiple orgasms, they'd never go outside. Involve yourself in his pleasure rather than look for ways to make him feel ashamed for not sharing your specific views on self love.


    You ask about female employees at his job as if he were a stray dog drooling over a smoked neck bone. If you were pestering me about enjoying the very porn that we just rented together, I'd start feeling repressed by your ancient attitudes towards sex. If you constantly asked me questions to sniff out whether or not there's even the slightest possibility that I might cheat on you, I'd probably tell "little lies" just to give myself some peace from your interrogations. If you continued to distrust me and make me feel like a cheater, I'd probably cheat on you just to hasten the end of this angry, distrustful relationship. Reign in your jealousy and quit trying to beat down your partner for the way he beats off, or you'll create a liein', cheatin' spank beastie who can't wait to get away from you. If your man wanted constant ridicule, he'd go back to living with his mom!

    • Hahaha thanks for your answer but you got it all wrong bub. I am the one who likes porn and yes I'm sure he does too, but that's not what this was about. and you said not to let it bother me unless it made me late for a movie and yeah it did. thanks anyway. I hate people like you who answer based on cliches. I'm a girl and YEs I love porn :D

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