If he only asks me out once a week or so, is he not really into me?

[Anonymous]

We usually go out once a week. Sometimes it's in the middle of the week. Sometimes it will be twice in a week, but other times not at all. We always have good time, he does like me, and he keeps calling me. But after a few months, he's not taking it any further. Is it a sign he likes me but "just not that much?' And if it does, and we continue to date, could he eventually want more?

[shybutcrazy]

If it's been a few months and you're not satisfied with what you're getting, it's time to speak up about it. That means essentially having the very conversation that many girls are warned scare men off. There's nothing wrong with having expectations/wants/needs, but it all comes down to expressing that in a non-confrontational or demanding way. In your case, it's definitely a good sign that he wants to see you a couple of times a week and that he does call you. My question is this though: are you initiating most of the "dates/hanging out" and the phone calls? If so, step back and let him continue to put his effort in. If he initiates more, great sign. If nothing changes, it could be time to cut this one loose. He definitely seems to like you quite a bit however, if after a few months, he still content to stick to that same routine, it may be that he isn't as interested as you thought (at least not as interested in whatever relationship etc you may be looking for).

Go talk to him about this. Choose your wording carefully though. Don't just go up and say "we need to talk". This tends to put men on defensive automatically. Just casually bring up how you enjoy spending time with him (you know, talk about fun memories etc). If he agrees and talks about some good memories (without a bunch of prompting on your part), it's a good sign. Tell him you're curious as to what he's looking for relationship-wise. If he's not that into you, here's the part where he might freak out and bail. If he's into you but just needed to see some mutual interest from you, this could be where he decides to step things up. A lot of men tend to get comfortable too quickly and you may have to change things up a bit to get his attention.

As to whether more time dating could step up his interest level...there's ALWAYS a chance for that. Doesn't always work though and you usually shouldn't waste time trying. This means that the moment you start questioning whether or not you're wasting time, it means you're beginning to want more. Find out if this guy is looking for what you're looking for. And if not, be prepared to move on to someone else. A few months is NOT a long time, particularly to a guy (as guys tend to take more time than women getting to the point where they'd like a relationship); however, this doesn't mean you don't go after what you want and leave what doesn't work for you.

[Asker]

I never call him; he calls me each time. It's been several months actually! I'm not really unhappy with it as it is, and I like what we have. (I just wish I knew what that is!) It's more that I wish I knew how he felt, rather than needing to change it. In time though, I'm afraid we will have to have the exclusivity conversation. I'm starting to like him more and it's starting to matter to me...

[shybutcrazy]

Exactly. You aren't quite at the point where it's either become exclusive or move on, but you're getting there. Just be careful not to come across as demanding it when you do bring it up. Key thing though: when you do bring it up, that's letting him know you want more from him. DO NOT be willing to just continue to date unexclusively if he says exclusivity is what he wants. Many women try to be patient by agreeing to this; however it backfires more often than not.

[Asker]

Good point. I'm not quite at the "exclusivity point" yet, but it IS getting closer. And no, I won't be willing to do it this way forever...

[math_nerd]

Stop running around in circles. Just let him know that you'd like to have a relationship. You're really making this harder than it needs to be.

[SandyRae]

That would all depend on what he is doing the other six nights.