Get Over a Breakup

[LittleSally]

• Accept the fact that it's over. Avoid second-guessing yourself once you end the relationship. Even if you did not end it, don’t start wondering what you did wrong. Relationships end for good reasons. One of you wasn’t happy or getting what you wanted.

• Cut all ties with that person. At least for a while.

• Let go of the negativity. Regardless of what happened to end your relationship, don’t hold a grudge. Don’t hate your ex forever and tell everyone that he or she is a bad person. Don’t let your ex have that kind of hold over you anymore.

• Exercise. The dopamine and adrenaline really help to get you through a tough time, it affords you some time to think everything through + your body will thank you for it.

• Get your own sense of self back. Get back into what made you happy before, hobbies, work, new TV series, taking care of your niece...

• Get to know the new and (hopefully) improved YOU. Find out what good things you took from the relationship and feel free to nurture them as your own, not just activities you might've once done with your SO.

[sdistotallyme]

Very true. I was in a one year serious relationship but really sputtered out at the end. The problem was that I was emotionally in love my ex, but I wasn't that physically attracted to her (we had a lot of weird role reversals). I valued our friendship on a very deep level in the end she COMPLETELY and quite brutally cut me out. I wasn't surprised that she wanted to break things off but I was kind of shocked that we didn't have some sort of friendship afterwards. It's over a year since we split but I still think about her a lot. However your take has the right steps. Think about taking care of yoursef.

[Ashely_Princess]

Great MyTake

[OlderAndWiser]

I agreed with everything that you said, except "don’t start wondering what you did wrong." I think it is important to examine what happened as learn as much as you can from your mistakes. However, you are right that you shouldn't second-guess whether it is over; it is almost always a mistake to return to a previous relationship (unless it ended for reasons unrelated to the relationship itself, like moved away and went to college in two different states.)

[LittleSally]

Oh, yeah... I may have been a bit subjective on that - since I'm so analytical I always think myself to death on everything. This way (already pretty obvious what went wrong and when) I just don't torture myself more... And advise people to do the same.

[lonerider]

I wanted to ask you a question. After breakups or rejections.. the women shame us for not keeping the friendship. Like we are an asshole for not being friends and giving the same amount of attention as before. But the situation is not the same as before! Social norms make us the villain. How to deal with this? How to respond to this accusation?

[LittleSally]

Be completely honest. Tell her you can't remain friends if you wish to stay mentally healthy and fully get over what you two had.
It just makes sense you'd want to protect yourself first in case of a break up where you were incredibly invested.

[bwade1977]

Wow, some really good suggestions. I'm about to start this process and will take all the suggestions out here. I like to exercise, so I'll try to focus on that. I've really slowed down how often I workout, because of her. So that'll give me a goal. Thank for helping us all. (:

[loverboy50]

Thanks for posting... I kind of needed to see this. Just got out of a 8yrs relationship.

[LittleSally]

I'm glad I could help, even just a little bit.

[Supertofu]

Just ended almost six years relationship. It's almost being a month. Still learning to let go. Now I'm trying to explore myself, and learn new stuff around me.

[Phoenix1991]

Very true and perfect points. Especially the rebuilding of yourself is a great thing to help overcome a break up.

[Pooping]

I needed this, thanks