I'm not the first or last girl to be cheated on, and no, it's not the first time I have been cheated on. In fact, it's the second time. It feels like hell — the fact that he did it with my friend.
It hurts so bad, my heart feels like its bleeding.
All the crazy thoughts and emotions that fuck me up...
He cheated on me with my best friend...I feel so stupid. She must have been laughing behind my back everytime I told her how I felt about him.
Am I not beautiful enough for him?
I really suck in bed.
I swear, when I see him I wanna take a knife and stab him non-stop.
I feel so cheap and used...he only wanted sex. I was too dumb to see that.
I feel like screaming and shouting.
Am I ever going to heal? Am I ever going to be okay?
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Opinion
1Opinion
I understand how you feel. When these things happen we have a mix of horrible feelings, one more horrible than the other: pain, anger, disappointment, anguish, humilliation, sadness, etc. But let me tell you one thing: they don't last forever (thank god!!).
You're asking yourself questions to try to understand why it happened (Am I not beautiful enough for him? I really suck in bed?) but the answer to why he cheated on you is not the answer to those questions, in my opinion. I think it has more to do with what he was willing or not to do to somebody who he was in a relationship with, it's more about values.
"Am I ever going to heal? Am I ever going to be okay?" Definitely yes :) Just give yourself some time to process all this. You'll see you'll be just fine and stronger after this experience.
I send you a big hug in the meantime <3
Sounds like he hurt your pride. I don't see anything about regretting losing him, only how not being able to control him makes you feel helpless and used.
If you had actually cared for him these would not be the things that mattered most to you. If you want someone to love you the first thing is to be worthy of love, pride isn't going to get you there.