A dummy's guide to coping with breakup: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb!

[Chief16]

So, touchy touchy. As a guy I've had some rough sketches. And while this isn't exclusively for guys, I'd think it would benefits the ladies too. So some background on me and the relationship. This relationship lasted a year. And I was dumped, much to my chargin. I was very vested in this relationship and was completely shattered by its aftermath. Its been eight months now and here is how I coped.

1) It's ok to hold on to your feelings for some time. It's ok, you still love the person. But your relationship state has reached its end cycle. Day by day, tell yourself you need yourself more than your ex.

2) Accept its over. Acceptance is key. Its like tearing out the bandaid. Can be very painful. Its takes a great deal of mental fortitude and courage to do this. Go for a very long run. Release the stress. And say I'm ready to move on.

3) While its pretty obvious, avoid contact with ex. I cannot say how important this is. There are exceptions to this of course. But the thumb rule is no contact with the ex. It will allow you to take your mind off them.

4) Sad music is ok, break up songs and what not. But don't indulge in them. Warmer, vibrant songs really help. I've found instrumental music a great way to cope with loneliness. Music is liberating. Do not ignore what you hear. Relate with it.

5) Five stages of grief. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. You're not alone. Everyone goes through at least once in life. So cheer up, pat yourself on the back for stumbling and keep moving.

6) Love yourself. Cherish yourself, there is nothing more important to you than your own values. You determine your own self worth. Your own happiness. If you're not happy, chances are you'll probably never make anyone else happy either. This is the ultimate step. I started writing as a reflection to the state of how I am, and there's nothing else I'd rather do write now.

[JudgmentDay]

Or you could just tell yourself over and over to never bother with dating anyone and give up without ever trying because you expect it to never ever truly work, at least for the first time around anyway. Keep trying after the first time and keep risking things that have no certainties or guarantees or just don't bother at all.

I've checked it myself. Almost always the very first time relationships are nothing more than merely an important learning experience. You don't have to deal with if you don't ever want to by simply just giving up without ever trying. First-time marriages or relationships are ones that are the least likely to become successful and endure a long time. Very very rarely it ever occurs, not that it doesn't or never occurs, but I'm just sayin'.

Never been in any relationship previously or dated anyone but I've had talked with a former friend of mines that had and he broken up with his girlfriend sometime while back and it was like his 4th relationship. In the end I see what it's done to him, but I realized the problem is more than likely coming from himself rather than his girlfriend.
We eventually split since he fucked me over being a shady lying son of bitch when it comes to spending money and eating out.

I had actually really really tried to be positive for once that time and hope things would turn out differently for him, but in the end shit happened and things in my mind crumble right back to my pessimistic expectations and thoughts.

So I don't think I'm ever convinced enough to really do anything about my relationship status other than just forget about it altogether and focus on other much more important matters and problems that I currently have.

[Chief16]

I'm sorry to hear that. But you know, sometimes you'll find someone you'll become very deeply attached too. Date someone and give it your best. You'll see what I'm talking about. Of course its perfectly fine if you don't. But some things you only experience when you date someone, like your first genuine heartbreak.

[meesh1220]

What if your gut tells you it might not be over?

[Chief16]

Ok, let's consider that. So would you rather be miserable until you reconcile? Or would you rather find the strength and confidence on not depending on someone else's whim to keep yourself happy? Even if it doesn't come to the worst case scenario, isn't it better to have some mental preparation?

[meesh1220]

Absolutely :)

[Chief16]

Glad you understand. Recent heartbreak?

[meesh1220]

Yes. We actually had a decent conversation last night. He called me after I left him a message.

[Chief16]

Well, I hope it works out. If not, you can always find listener here.

[meesh1220]

Thank you :)
I think if he was ready to move on and ready to see other people, he would have said so, and not be calling me to talk?

[Chief16]

Indeed. He's lingering.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everything that was said here. I think i didn't realize how the 5 stages affected me until i got to my last stage and looked back and was shocked to see my self going through each and every single stage. I thought i was the only one and also i thought i was gonna be stuck in time but after almost a year i was able to move on from a 5 year relationship. Took me a bit of time but i can now say I survived the break up. Although i think of her lots of times durong the week after 1 year and a half but is cause i miss the happy moments not her.

[Chief16]

Yeah, memories... Its about time to make new ones. Don't feel guilty about time. You deserve to be happy now. You've some insight into how painful a breakup is. You will cherish the person you will be with from now on, I hope.

[Bluemax]

Love the Dr. Strangelove reference.

[Chief16]

I love that movie.

[CuteVenus]

This is actually really helpful :)

[Chief16]

Well, I hope it helps. Words can only be so kind.