Break-uppers hurt too!

[Guysvsgirls]

Break ups are messy and a lot of feelings are hurt (this is assuming the break up was not due to violence or bullying).

Many people underestimate the feelings of the person that did the breaking up but whether they know it or not, that person also have questions such as "what could I have done differently so I did not have to break it off?" "How did it come to this?" "Am I an awful person for breaking it off?".

When a person breaks up with another, they also feel hurt. Yes, I agree that the person who was broken up with goes through a lot of emotions, but remember, the person who made that mature decision is also constantly questioning themselves. For people who hate hurting others, it makes them feel like the worst person in the world and even question if they should allow themselves to date again.

So remember this if you are ever broken up with: It is not like the person who broke up with you is saying "good riddance" (unless the reason for breaking up was because you were a jerk, controlling, hurtful, verbally or physically abusive). But even then, the break-uppers still feel that guilt.

[shortandsweet24]

Honestly, I couldn't feel bad for any of the men from my past, but...

In an extreme circumstance, for instance if you were dating a person who was cheating and you left them, you would feel for the person who ended it because they had to. Or, if you were with someone in a dangerous career, even an athletic one and they were risking their life and you couldn't watch it, if they had another choice, you would feel for the person who ended it.

However, this never includes being with someone who was military and you left them while they were deployed, or because you can't handle the lifestyle.

[OlderAndWiser]

I wrote a myTake about how to break up and part of the discussion was about dealing with the feelings, especially depression and guilt:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11588-some-practical-advice-for-how-to-break-up

This is an often overlooked aspect of break ups and it is good for people to have reminders like this.

[Anonymous]

This is SO true because I had broke up my ex because I felt like he didn't trust me. One of my girlfriends had said that everyone was telling him that I was going out with my guy friend and cheating on him, which I wasn't. Then this other guy always tried to break us up by telling one of us that the other is cheating, but I didn't believe it that much. My ex kept ignoring me everyday and when I tried to talk to him about it he would still ignore me. It was just a lot of stress for me to handle and I couldn't take it anymore so I decided to break up with him. After the break up, we were both upset and crying, but especially him anyways. At first we were still friends then a few weeks later, he started to be a jerk to me and insulting me everytime I tried to be nice to him. Although, I lied when I broke up with him and just told him that I thought the relationship wasn't working out. Then we had an argument on gmail because I told him that he use to be so sweet and now he's a jerk and then he told me that a lot of bad things have been happening to him and he did bad things in life that he's not proud of and I tried to be his friend and help him out but I guess he didn't want that and he really had hurt me badly. Now, he's starting back to stare and smile at me again and be nice to me, and I'm really confused. I will never trust him like I use to before. Although, I do miss being with him sometimes 😕

[Guysvsgirls]

I'm sorry. That sounds like a complicated situation. He may be realizing what he let go and is trying to get you back. But only take him back of YOU can TRUST him again. I hope your hurt heals with time. :-)

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you 😊

[supernerd99]

isn't that guilt mainly hurt egoism and also sadness because of being deprived of certain priviliges? if you are that "guilty", then stay and fight for the relationship if there aren't anyserious reasons for breaking up as you mentioned. my motto is you won't find perfection in others so look at yourself and see what you can improve.

[Guysvsgirls]

Very interesting opinion. In my case, I dated him to try it out. We found out it probably wouldn't have worked.

[RJGraveyTrain]

You're absolutely right. The person who breaks it off is often demonized for ending things or "not making it work", when in reality they have probably been trying to make it work and see absolutely no point in the relationship continuing as it's boiled down to unhappiness and pain for both parties. It's like making the decision to put down a dog: yes, the dog dies but you had to make that hard, "cruel" decision to end unnecessary pain and suffering.

[Guysvsgirls]

Good metaphor! Yes it is definitely hard on both ends. There are different pains from both people.

[RJGraveyTrain]

Thanks much.

[Anonuser2020]

The week I decided I needed to break up w/my ex was very hard for me. Hell I bawled my eyes out in public. I exhausted all the measures to have my ex to treat me w/respect and I knew that I would regret my decision to stay w/him (move in w/him/marry him etc). I walked away w/a totally wrecked heart as I did love my ex, but I could feel him pulling away (yes I did talk to him about it, that turned into a nasty argument where he blamed me and said very hurtful things to me). I put up w/months of feeling more upset then happy w/my ex and I had reached the end of the road. No I feel bad that I broke his because my heart was tested and torn apart for months, I suffered in silence for the most part.

[Guysvsgirls]

First of all; I didn't mean to down vote this. It was by accident.
Secondly; I'm sorry you had to go through that. I give you props for being able to realize the situation and make the first move to end it. I hope your heart is healing. :-)

[Anonuser2020]

I have been taking healing day by day, my heart is still raw, but I made a break through where I get excited about good looking guys and I don't feel sad.

[Guysvsgirls]

I am looking forward to that point. Glad to hear you're doing well

[Bluemax]

(standing ovation)
Bravo! Bravo! (tossing a rose on the stage) Bravo! Bravo!

33.media.tumblr.com/.../...e_ndtb80RHvX1r2oa1l.gif

[Guysvsgirls]

Was this sarcastic... or? Lol. It's hard to tell over text.

[Bluemax]

No sarcasm at all, take owner.

Most people I know have tears in their eyes when breaking up, yet it's astonishing how many people believe that the person doing the break up is being cold hearted or mean. Or they seem unable to realize how hard it is to break up with someone. I suppose it's possibly a defense mechanism on the part of the person being dumped.

I chose the gif baby because he's adorable!

So no sarcasm at all. Take a bow, guys vs girls (love your user name... sometimes I feel that's what they should rename this site)! Very good take indeed.

[Guysvsgirls]

Haha thank you very much. I reaply appreciate it

[martyfellow]

sometimes people aren't ready for a LTR.. not any more complicated than that. So, nothing personal involved.

And some people never WILL be ready!!! You have to expect to meet people like that, these days.

[Anonymous]

SOOOOO true... When I broke up with some one I constantly think about what I did to him. I really liked him and how ungrateful and mean I was. I never felt a heart break cause it was my first relationship but I feel like this is worst than being broken up with, especialy if you really liked him.

[Guysvsgirls]

Yes! Sorry you had to do that

[Opinion Owner]

its ok...

[Guysvsgirls]

Why did you break up with him?

[Opinion Owner]

He was really jealous n I had a lot of friends that were guys n jealousy that is a major turn of 4 me so I broke up with him... at the moment it felt good but then after a while I feel really bad 4 it.

[Guysvsgirls]

Ahhh I see.

[serious]

Yes, you're right. I understand what you have written.

[Guysvsgirls]

That is good. Glad it made sense :-)

[pavlove]

that may be true, but i don't think anyone who was broken up with should be asked to consider or care about the breaker upper whatsoever. but sure... outside parties can feel for them...

[Guysvsgirls]

I don't think so either. They have a right to hold grudges, forgive, act distant, blame, etc to the breaker upper. As I had said, both people in the relationship have different hurts.

[Anonymous]

Guess I am lucky that I can on command stop caring.

We need to give soldiers this ability, it will make their KD ratio a lot higher.