I was immature enough to know how unfair people could be but I had my share on it. Yes, that is what I thought of.
I knew a man that was very kind on me. Always there for me. Always being my number one supporter to achieve my goals. I thought he was everything or at least that is the impression that he wants me to think of him. Something he is not really are..
I gave everything of my love, my time and devoted fully to him. We both were happy, until that time when he needs to leave me because of work, approaching us. It was the starting of everything. He needs to travel. He gone with his friend and the guy's girlfriend. I felt so lonely, but I convinced myself I'll become a nice girl and wait for him.
After some time, he contacted me. He gave excuses that he needs to work for more than 12 hours per day and has no time for me. He asked me to be patient, and promised that he will come back to me. I believe in him, thus continue giving my love for him. I did the chores, I did everything to make sure when he came back home later he would be satisfied and happy. I invested my time every day although my own career required more attention as well. I slept late at night, almost every night on that three months period without him. The cycles repeating almost everyday.
The first month he was all attentive to me. He gave me news of his every day activities and how amazing his summer workplace was. It was full of exciting stories that really lit my spirit up. He told me of how he met new people and friends. I continue giving him the attention he needed and that is including making the mutual decision about certain things that we shall both do to maintain our home. I never knew it was a poison. I seriously never realized.
The second month he was there and he started to send me news just once a week. He talked less, and always gave excuses of his boss is around and that he can't talk much. I saw him online through his social media whenever I got online at midnight where I would divert myself to search for funny quotes I'd share with him. Whatever I'd shared with him, he mostly would just leave it "seen on..." but never even a single reply to it. I started to feel something wasn't right.
The final month approached. He sent no news at all and I went into detective mode with so much worries in my head. Thinking about his safety mostly. I never thought of him having someone else as I thought he really missed me just like the way I felt. He contacted me only at the end of summer, two days before he come back home. He told me that "it was the best summer ever". He told me he can't wait to come back home. I felt so happy.
Then there the problem began. He got back home but I started to feel this man is really different. He gave that unpleasant feeling with his behavior- all bossy, proud and most important is expecting me to do everything for him. He told me that I am really a dream girl of him. He thanked me for everything I did for him so far. I was happy, but I never saw what I should have seen from that. It was actually his non-official declaration of "I think I have found a new life and please go back to yours now."
He started to go out. Partying until late at night. Whenever I asked him about his day, he would tell me that he went out with his friends and was having drinks until they are drunk. I never suspected anything as I thought it was only "guys night" since I knew he was so close to his friends and most of them are male. He would ask my favor to do chores for him. Doing the dailies. While he knew I too needed time that I should have spent on my job.
Then, I noticed a big red flag. He keep liking a woman's pictures. Liking non-stop and I never noticed that it was actually already happening since the month he was on his summer job. Her FB was full of her selfies, something he used to tell me that he dislikes. He said that women who posts selfies a lot just want attention and approval only. So what now? I think of it, but didn't have my answer.
Which woman wouldn't get her green eyed monster out whenever she felt that other woman is taking her man? That's how I felt but I didn't go to her. I kept reminding him about her, who she is and that she might just take him for granted ever since she broke up with her boyfriend. He didn't listen but instead backed her up. He even told me that the guys she met are mostly bad boys. I told him to think logically (no jealousy involved), what type of woman she is that attract bad guys, go out with them, drinks and might be sleeping around then tell other men that the guy who she went out with was a bad one? She doesn't even stop that habit. He was angry on me. He said that I shove my nose too much into her business. He said that he knows her long before he knew me.
I knew my place. We fought, yet he would keep coming to me asking me to do some of his work. He was all sweet and nice, and that's where my knee was weak on him. I did his work, while he claimed to go out with his friends that I doubt, just how many adult men will go out with their pals to watch romantic movies? Almost every night going out then on certain days like weekends, Tuesday and Thursday he'd disappear completely with phone shut down or social media offline but always online after midnight.
My friends came to me. They were all mad after what they had seen. They said he took me for granted, and that I should leave him. They told me he is going out with the b***h and enjoying their time together while she seduced him to her bed. They told me he is no longer wanting anything from me as he could get what he wants from me especially doing him the favors. They yelled at me. They said that the b***h is taking my man infront of me yet I still do nothing but be his puppet. They reminded me that the person I love, is actually no longer there. He is lost in his summer job, and that this one returning back to our home is just simply someone that got himself swayed by other women that anytime will leave him for other man that is very secured in wallet and credit cards.
It took a long time. It took months. I grieve. I mourn. It wasn't easy. Every time he comes to me telling me to do this and that, and so much pain that I need to defend him from my friends' words... I finally try to find my own self worth. I start with fighting my inner self that still loved him. I cried, yearning for that man I used to know before he left me. I stopped doing his favor. I distanced myself. I said nothing.
He sulks and left me alone again. He goes out so often that the woman keeps calling him or coming to his house. They spent nights together on either his bed or hers when I spent my nights trying to fight my feelings on him. My thoughts going to them but I tried to fight that. I tell myself to believe my gut. I tell myself not to waste time, and after some time I get that realization of "I am being taken for granted".
I dealt with it alone. Away from my friends. Not because I fear of them laughing at me but because I knew they were worried. I knew I needed to settle things without affecting them more with my problem. Then there it goes, I stepped away bit by bit. I asked myself "will he find the love I gave on him, the exact same, from this other woman?" and yes I know I am not the best girl ever, but I know I was honest. My feelings were honest for him. I smiled.
Never a single second I lied to him about my feelings. So I asked a second question to myself "what will he do if he found out she cheated on him, the same way he did to me?" and "will he ever see what he lost after this? picking up glass and forgot the diamond he found?". Those question lead me to pity him, but I pledge not to come back to him. Yes, I decided to move on. I deserve better!
From afar, I look at him. He laughs with his friends and that woman tries her very best effort to keep him by her side while she has her phone on her hands to keep texting other men trying to get a ride into their expensive cars and possibly the owner together. I am so sorry, love. I chose to leave, I won't repeat my mistakes I did before. I am hoping to find a true love that at least won't take me for granted only when I am around then wants me when I am not. I won't cry. I am stepping away and smiling because I know someone better awaits but that doesn't mean I will choose the same path as her- being a hoe.