I'm not going to mention you by name. I know you will never see this, anyways. But in order for me to gain some sanity back, I want to get our story out in the open.
From day one, I thought there was a connection. I had never met you before, and I had rarely heard your name. You were friends with my sister; that's why she invited you to go eat with us. If she would have know you were going to sit in the backseat and flirt with me, she probably wouldn't have invited you. But I was glad she did. You seemed like someone I wanted to know.
Before the evening was over, we had exchanged Snapchat names (mainly because I posted 'our first picture' there) and phone numbers, but we did so subtly. My sister had no clue that we texted almost all night that night. We both knew she was already mad because you told her you thought I was cute, and adding fuel to that fire would have burned me more.
Fast forward ten days: my sister's birthday. We had text all week, and I had even came to your house a couple of times to hang out for a bit and get to know you through actual conversation and not just digital nonsense. I had told you that I wanted that day to be THE day. I let you know I wanted to have sex; I admit, I did 'chase' after you. But why did you do it?
When I got to your house that night, you knew what was going to happen. I had already told you I wanted to and you said you were down... until I said the 'v word.' You know, virgin? You seemed a little less up for the challenge then. But we went through with it. You were so gentle and caring. You paid attention to me and took care of me; it was magical. I felt rejuvenated. I felt new. But that night, You- that night- you told me that your 'Golden Rule' was "no virgins," but I changed that, huh? That was the only 'first' I gave you, compared to the many you gave me.
I did a good job keeping it a secret at first. Almost a whole month passed before I slipped. We were supposed to watch the fireworks together on the Fourth of July, remember? But you were 1) drunk, 2) didn't want my sister knowing, and 3) (I later found out), fucking someone else. I said something to one of my friends about this new guy I was talking to and how I finally found the guy I wanted to take my 'v-card' and he did. What I wasn't expecting? For my sister to hear. After that, it was official. We were kind of a thing.
This was the first picture I ever shared publicly of us together, and you even let me tag you. I started coming around your family and you mine; all seemed well, You. What happened? I'll tell you: I started gaining feelings. You did too, or so you said, but you were scared to get hurt again. But let me tell you something. I still love your crazy ass. Why would I ever want to hurt someone who means so much to me? That month turned into three, and then you were leaving for a better job on the road. You held me when I cried before you left. I even took care of your dog for you, You. You trusted me that much. And what did you do?
Every time I asked you if you were sleeping around on me, you always told me no. I didn't ask a lot, but when I did it was because of stupid reasons. But when you left, You, you didn't expect me to become so close to your family, did ya? I didn't think so. But I did. And they told me about the 6 other girls. And that day, You... that day was the day I died inside. The day you made me feel worthless.
Top left corner: First picture I took of us together
Bottom left corner: our first (and only) 'official' date
Right-hand side: the last picture we took together.
In all 3 of these pictures, You, my smile is actually authentic; genuine. I was so undoubtedly in love with the time I got to spend with you, always. From the beginning. And even though we fought some in our whatever it was, my smile stayed that bright until that last picture.
After leaving for work, I did to you what you did to me: I slept with someone else. But I only slept with one person. And you got mad at me. You became distant. I always tried so hard, and I did one thing and you just wanted to give up.
On Thanksgiving night, you came back home and came to the 'party' we were having at your brother and sister-in-law's house. I tried to leave but you took my keys because I had been drinking. You had betrayed me but yet you still cared about my dumbass decisions. As the night progressed, so did the friskiness of you and your friend. Both of you guys talked me into something I never thought I'd do, but I did. And I thought it would take us back to how we used to be... boy was I wrong.
That's why I'm here now, writing this letter on a website you don't know about for others to see. Because you royaly fucked me up. But you've moved on to a real woman I guess. She's five years older than you, has 5 children, a good job, her own place... she's is a lot of things I'm not, and I guess that's why you tell her the same things you told me almost a year ago, huh? But the craziest part out of all this, You, is the fact that when I asked if you were sleeping around, you said 'no' or 'I don't need to' or 'I can barely keep up with you, why would I need anyone else?' Why? Your mom said you aren't a liar, hell, everyone did! So why me? What was different about me that you had to lie to me? Was it because I was younger? Or because you just didn't care about me that much? What was it? Because I'd like to know. Either way, just know that even after what you put me through, I still love you for some unimaginable, god-forsaken reason. And I wish you the best, but if you ever fell the need to come back... please, for my sake and yours... Don't.