Break ups are sad at any time of year but there are more relationship breakdowns between December and the end of February than any other time of year. Without doubt this is the loneliest time as being on your own over Christmas and New Year make it even harder to readjust to the single life. To rub salt into the wound February brings Valentine's Day, an equally depressing period for those hew are newly single.
Not to worry though as all is not lost! Sometimes it is possible to rebuild a relationship after a break up. The guidelines are designed to help you decide if there’s a chance for you and your ex to start over.
1. Be honest with yourself.
Depending on the reason for the break up it might not be possible rebuild the relationship. Often a deal breaker here is infidelity. If your partner has cheated then it can be almost impossible to regain that trust. You need to be honest with yourself from the outset. If you know for certain that you can’t go back then your time is better spent moving on with your life and finding happiness elsewhere.
2. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
If you want to get your ex back then the least attractive quality is moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. It’s fine to be emotional and hopefully your friends are there to support you through it but try to grieve in private. This doesn’t mean that when you see your ex you need to pretend your having the time of your life and have moved on without a care in the world. You want them to understand that you still have feelings for them and that they were a hugely important part of your life but at the same time you need to demonstrate that you are strong enough to hold your head up and get on with your life.
"The least attractive quality is moping around and feeling sorry for yourself."3. Give them some space.
After a break up it’s important to give your ex some space. Don’t bombard them with texts, calls or even gifts. Both of you will need some time to step back from the situation and clear your head. By contacting them persistently it can make you look desperate which again is not an attractive quality.
4. Don’t jump into bed with someone else.
Often one way of dealing with the break up is to go out and jump into bed with the first person who shows an interest in you. If you’re serious about getting back with your ex then flaunting a new relationship in his face to make him jealous may seem like a good idea but it has an irreparable effect on your relationship. It will undoubtedly reflect badly on you and distance you further from your ex. This is a reflex reaction and may make you feel better in the short term but will make you feel worse about yourself in the long term. And if you’re serious about getting back with your ex then why would you sleep with someone else anyway? If you’re thinking about going down this route then seriously consider whether getting back with your ex is a good idea in the first place.
5. Focus on what you have in common.
When the time is right then catch up with your ex for a coffee and focus on what you have in common. You may have been so focused on issues that drove you apart that you have forgotten about all the great stuff in your relationship. Sure you will need to eventually figure out how you can fix the issues caused problems in your relationship but the first step is to look at what worked.
"Don’t let things spiral out of control into an argument."
6. Honesty is the best policy.
If your relationship is ever going to work you need to lay your cards on the table and discuss in detail issues that bothered you about your partner. This isn’t easy and you should try to discuss it in a mature and calm way. Don’t let things spiral out of control into an argument.
All relationships are different so depending on the circumstances it may be possible to rebuild your relationship. If both parties are willing to try then the potential is there to get it on track. However if one of you really doesn’t want to be in the relationship then unfortunately it’s never going work whatever you do. I hope you enjoyed this article and wish you every success in rebuilding your relationship.
About the Author
Sam Chapman is the founder of Top 10 Dating Reviews, a new online dating review website. For independent reviews of popular internet dating sites from mature dating to f*** buddy dating.