Coping and Moving on From a Heart Break: A Man’s Edition

Most of us have had the experience of our first love, and then you had your first taste of heart break. Well, that was one week ago for me. At the age of 17 I haven’t had as many experiences with love or breakups as most of you have so you’re probably already thinking “What does a 17 year old kid know about love?”, well I hope I know something above love after spending nearly 3 years, or 17% of my life with this one girl and after spending that much time and her dumping me I feel the heart break. I’m not here to smash my ex or to say what waste of time it was; I’m just going to explain some tips on how to cope with the heart break and how to move forward.

1. Moving forward
The reason why you feel so sad and so alone is because you just lost your best friend and you’re probably thinking where do I go? What do I do? It’s a simple answer, just keep going forward. No matter what you do or how many times you apologize for what you’ve done she may not want you back so why put your whole life on hold for her? And even if she takes you back things will never be the same as when you were dating. Since she may not take you back it’s time to focus on yourself.

break-up
2. Focus on yourself; not on her.
By saying ‘focus on yourself’ I don’t mean dedicate all your time to thinking about yourself and what great of a person you are. By focusing on yourself I mean that if you keep focusing on her and what she does you will never be able to mend your own heart and do things that make you happy. To focus on yourself do things that bring you joy. For example I haven’t thought about my ex for the past hour and a half because I have been too focused on writing this article because it’s what I enjoy to do. See what I mean? Find a new hobby, hang out with friends, do volunteer, there is a ton of stuff you can do to stay distracted from the pain and maybe help someone else along the way.

3. Recognize that you’re a great guy
I know you think that you’re a crappy guy and you should have treated her better but is there anything else you could have done differently? The answer is no, because how can you take things back, what’s done is done. People keep telling me “Nick you’re a great guy”, but truth be told I don’t feel like I great guy right now but as time goes on I know I will feel fine and the scars will disappear. By understanding that you’re a great guy and how she lost out you can move on to the next step.
"I haven’t thought about my ex for the past hour and a half because I have been too focused on writing this article"
4. Accept the Anger and Forgive
It’s time to forgive not only her but also yourself. You’re going through the stages of a break up and men always go through the anger stage the most severe, most men say “I can’t forgive” or “I don’t care” but you do care that’s why your reading this article. You may be cursing her and feel like punching a wall but looking to the past in four months time you’re going to be cursing yourself as you walk into Home Depot looking for drywall (just ask my brother) so don’t even bother being angry, you only going to bruise your hand, wallet and delay your hearts healing time. You need to forgive yourself and forgive her if you’re going to be able to move forward. You don’t have to verbally apologize to your ex you can just forgive her in your heart along with forgiving yourself for whatever you thought you might have done.

5. Get back in the game
So what you got dumped, is that going to hold you back for the rest of you prime years? I hope not. I understand if you don’t want to go on a date a day after you broke up with your girlfriend, (and if you do go on a date the day after you broke up you might have the answer to why she broke it off with you). Everything takes time, time to grow up and time to move on and when you think you’re ready to get back into dating don’t hesitate because there will be someone out there for you even better than the one who broke your heart, and who knows maybe that’s the ‘one’ for you.

1|1
520

Most Helpful Girl

  • I left my ex boyfriend & it took me roughly 6 months to move on! If a girl leaves you, they hurt too. If it takes you 6 months, then allow it to happen. Your feelings for them do eventually fade. I can see my ex & I have no feelings for him anymore. If it takes more than 6 months though, they say you should get counselling to help you move on. Although it doesn't feel like it, things do get better after a break up, you just have to give it time.

    0|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Guy

  • 1, the purpose of dating is to get laid so my status contradicts nothing at all. 2, I never forgive those that hurt me, especially intentionally. I just moved on and changed my game. If it's not done face to face there is no real forgiveness there, that's just being a "nice guy" and letting it go. Moving on has to do with you and no one else. It's called SELF esteem for a reason. "The one"? There is no guarentee that someone will be with you or stay with you. We play the game and get what we get

    0|0
    0|0
Sponsored

Join the discussion

What Girls Said 4



  • only part I disagree with. is where you assume men go through the anger phase most severely. there's no way of determining that. there are many women and men in the world. some very angry women. some very angry men. people have a full range of emotion. some more intense than others. no point is assuming any person experiences more or less of any of them. in any given situation.

    otherwise. all you said makes sense for both women and men. unless there was just a misunderstanding. then clear it up;-)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hmm I'm going through this now. Worst thing is that he's such a player these days :-( but all will be well in time. I have dating options but my mind is still on my ex, so don't think it would be fair to the other guys to lead them on.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Very professional article. The way you wrote it ensured that even if your "only 17 and couldn't know anything about love" that your reader will trust you immediately. Thanks for this its great to see it from a guys perspective. All I ever hear is girls getting over guys you never really hear about the process guys go through. But I love how you made this not really about your relationship even though you had every right to almost. It shows your maturity and responsibility levels. Thank you :)

    0|0
    0|0
  • Whatever you're doing lad just continue doing it.

    It will be hard but know that when a door closes there are other ways to get out.But to be able to break from hell and open a passage you need not to give up and don't lose confidence on yourself. It is not always your fault neither hers. It just it did not work out but it does not mean it won't work out and others. You're still young, yet to experience more painful exp so if those happen soon don't forget what you're saying right now ;)

    0|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 19

  • People don't destroy your self esteem, you do. It's called SELF esteem for a reason remember. Girls have said things worse things to me and it intrigues them when it has no effect on me because I have high self esteem. How can you expect someone to love you someday if you don't love or respect yourself? Moving on is about yourself moving on and moving forward and that's it. Times have changed since our parents and grandparents so that has nothing to do with the vast majority and society NOW.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's not hard when you play the GAME right. If self esteem involed other people it wouldn't be called SELF esteem. Moving on is about self not other people so "forgiveness" isn't needed. The vast majority of women sell themselves to the highest bidder, so it's a "game" from the start. Guys are not thinking "wow I really want to be her friend" when they see//meet a girl. If sex is not the main interest then we would date our friends. A friendship is basically a relationship with no intimacy.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Treating women like crap, having women lined up in a "bull pin", going out and dating or having one night stands asap, putting myself on a pedestal, and never having feelings in the first place is the way to go. Women love to break hearts, it gets them off. Move on and never speak to her again. They get confused when it doesn't bother you. Never forgive because they are not sorry for leaving you. We are not entitled to have someone so there is no such thing as "the one", we get what we get.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you're saying that self esteem is only affected by one's self then how come people can lower or even destroy your self esteem. If a girl says to you "You're ugly get away from me" I'm pretty sure that would affect your self esteem. Part of moving on is about self but it also involves you forgiving others. Women do not sell themselves to the highest bidder. My father had nothing when he was growing up but my mom still fell in love with him. The best kind of relationship is built on friendship.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It's very hard (Not impossible) to get a girl to date you if all you're interested in is sex. You can always forgive someone even if it isn't face to face and doing that forgiveness allows you to move on. Sometimes to keep and built one's self-esteem it involves other people. I'm not trying to imply that someone will always be with you. If everyone thought like 'We play the game and get what we get' then there would be no such thing as love, because love is something more than a game.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I couldn't help but notice that your relationship status is dating which is contradicting everything you just said. For the forgiveness part it doesn't matter if they are sorry for leaving you it matters if you are able to forgive them for breaking your heart you don;t have to do it face to face or even talk to them you can forgive in your own heart. And as for the "one" that is up to people to decide

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ya it hurts a lot but it's made me into a better man (Well young adult) and I've learned things from this relationship that can make my future relationship even that much better. I hope you enjoyed the article ! And remember things happen but it's your additude which decides how long you'll be in this slump for!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Absolutely! I know it's very hard to do these things, I still even find myself struggling with some things but you just have to stay focused on who you are and not let a break up hold you back from things in life. I find that forgiving is the hardest step, sometimes it can take months to forgive and complete these steps but in time it all just falls into place. I hope you enjoyed the article!

    0|0
    0|0
  • I suppose your right, But through my experiences of seeing people go through break up's, and personal experiences, I find that men tend to be more angry then any other emotion during the break up. Anger can also lead to other emotions such as sadness, and depression. But your absolutely right in saying that not every person has the same emotions, thank you for pointing that out :) I hope you enjoyed the article!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Thank you! That means a lot! I hope you enjoyed the article and will recommend it to your guy and girl friends that are going through hard times! Thanks again!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Whether it's at 30,20,25,60,70 it doesn't matter. It still hurts and it's still difficult. I hope the article helped!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hahaha I suppose that could work only for a short amount of time until you realize that people only like you because of your money and when your bank account hits $0 your screwed

    0|0
    0|0
  • Everything truly will get better in time. Ya you don't have to start dating right away, give it time and before you know it you will be wanting to go on dates. Good Luck and I hope this article helped!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nice article. But as is the norm in these situations these are easier said than done! (and you know that already!)

    0|0
    0|0
  • The anger in my situation is the worst. Great advice!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sh*t! I suffered this big time at 27 not 17 :(

    0|0
    0|0
  • I suffered this at 30, 17 your still a little baby

    0|0
    0|0
  • All sounds great but what if you still miss her and want her back!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Just forget her and try to acquire more currency...

    Make it rain in the club

    0|0
    0|0
Loading...