You should never TRY to get your ex back!

You should never TRY to get your ex back!

We've all been there at some point. That one relationship that was so amazing, and then suddenly ended, leaving us with an insatiable void where they once were. And we've all thought about trying to get that one back. But I'm about to tell you why you shouldn't waste your time. Here are the main types of breakup, and what they could mean:

Was it a fight? So you had a silly agrment, and someone got butthurt, and you think breaking up is petty. But they may have taken something much more seriously than you realized. It could be simple immaturity, and one of you isn't ready to be an adult. One of you may showed the other that you're really not right for each other. Or they simply refuse to believe you. But they made a decision when they saw something that they didn't like in you. You cannot take it back, or change what they believe. Besides, would you really want to be with someone who doesn't believe what you say?

Did they suddenly get distant, and/or leave with no apparent reason? If they can't tell you why, then they either don't trust you, or you shouldn't trust them. No relationship works without trust! Most of time, this kind of breakup has only one of two reasons. There is someone else they're leaving you for, or they were trying to find a way out without hurting you, and kept drawing it out it afraid of the ineviaitable. Do not wait around for this person, they are not coming back! They weren't happy with you, and you shouldn't waste your time. That doesn't mean that you did anything wrong. It simply means you guys weren't right for each other. Or that they just weren't ready, and you can't force them to do anything they don't want to.

Did you leave them, and then have second thoughts? You dumped them. You emotionaly wounded them. You broke their trust. How can they trust you not to do this again? You don't get to play with their heart and then expect them to be waiting for you. I'm sorry, but no. You made your choice, now live with it.

You cannot force yourself to feel something, or be someone you are not. Don't try to fake something just get them back. If you live a lie for too long, you'll come to hate yourself, and resent them, and the truth always comes out. If either of you has to change who you are to be together, you are wrong for each other. Don't live to make someone else happy when they don't appreciate you as you are.

You are not a doormat, a toy, or a tool to be used. You are a person with feelings! Don't wait around for someone who hurt you to come back, have some self-respect, and realize that you are worth more than that! They hurt you, don't give them chance to do it again.

"Time heals all wounds." Sometimes, breakups are just caused by bad timing. If you guys are really meant to be together, it will happen in it's own time. But you shouldn't wait around holding your breath. Life isn't going to wait for you. Get out there and live, grow, learn. When they do wander back into your life, you'll be a better, wiser person, and hopefully, they will too.

When you get to be my age, you will hopefully have learned to accept two great truths in life.

"You can't love someone else until you love yourself" If you're only dating to make yourself feel better, you're dating for the wrong reasons. You expect them to make you feel good, and give you purpose. Before long, you're living to please them just to keep them around, all the while wondering when they will leave. That's no way to be happy. If you constantly believe that you're not worthy of love, and down on yourself, you're only going to make them feel like they're a failure too, and/or wasting their time. I can't tell you how to be happy, because, that something only you can do for yourself. True happiness comes from within. But I can tell you where to start. Don't live for anyone else but yourself, unless you have kids. Living to make others happy, makes others happy, not you. It's not rocket science. Don't let anyone else tell you how to be you. And this brings us to the second great truth.

"You don't actually *need* a man/woman to be happy", but I am not saying that you should stay single forever. Having someone to share your life with enhances it, and makes it worthwile. But if your happiness if based on that other person, your whole world will crumble if you lose them. Find someone who has what you need, and needs what you have, and meet in the middle to create a harmonious balance. In short, find someone who will encourage and support the life that you're already living for yourself!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I disagree I think its just childish to say never and most people who say things like you can never be friends or it could never work out at just hiding from something. We all make stupid mistakes at times and need to ask forgiveness or win someone back. The only thing I agree with is you do not need someone to be happy that is true. The whole you can not love until you love yourself is the biggest load of bull shit I have ever heard. Try suffering from depression your entire life millions do and they will all tell you its totally possible to love even when you hate yourself. I have tried to kill myself on several occasions I hate myself but the women I have loved would all tell you my feelings for them were real, the sacrifices I made were real, the things I did were real and my love was damn real. The same goes for my nephews I love them more then the world even if I hate myself. Same goes for when people get distant. Sorry if I have two big pet pevees its that statement and the whole just black out exs. I think people need to not be so afraid of there exs. I was friends with all my exs before during and after our relationships. I stayed friends after for a reason that reason is because friendship has nothing to do with us being a bad couple. People break up for plenty of stupid reasons and staying broken up is a choice you have to make some times its the right one but many times its an immature one.

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    • I was more trying to emphasis not to bend over backwards for people who have selfishly hurt you, or expect you to change yourself to be with them. I also think it's a bad idea to friendzone yourself, or to be friends in hopes you can win them back. I am friends with most of my exs, but only because I know that's all either of us wants, friendship. If you want more from them, you should be friends with them right then. Wait until the feelings have faded.

    • *shouldn't be friends right then

    • I can agree to that sorry, glad i got your take cleared up a bit.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I agree with this take. Some will say never say never and I hate wasting my time and wondering what if. After a few breakups I have wanted my exs back only because i'm emotional and letting go is hard and some times I realized that it was not worth it. I have had 3 exes try to get me back and two of them actually dumped me and of the guys that dumped me I actually took one back so many times and it was a continuing cycle. What I have learned is that when you keep going back you could be hurting yourself and preventing yourself from finding or allowing someone better to come into your life so now I value my time and energy so much more and when something ends I accept it start the healing process if needed and open my heart for something new. Sometimes people enter your life to teach you a lesson and some people don't get it right the first or even the second time. Maybe they have improved but that would be great for the next person. I believe in moving forward not backwards. I do believe in second chances but only if its something small that we can come back from. Too many people try to force themselves that they are over the pain that an ex caused and they overlook taking care of their inner-self. We invest so much in relationships that we tend to lose ourselves sometimes and we try to get the ex back because they have a piece of us but when you decide to move on you free yourself and can be yourself again but you have to really want to.

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What Guys Said 14

  • Yeh, part agree, part depends.

    We each have our own views in life, slowly growing, not knowing every single thing.

    It's not like we were born with all the knowledge or experience at hand. We aren't always aware.

    Sometimes we think the best of people. Sometimes we think the worst of people.

    If the mindset is right, we try what we try, and accept what comes. We act for today, and hope for tomorrow. We don't let our past bind our present.

    If we want to start a relationship 'again', we can try for it. If we just want to be friends again, we can try for it.

    It may not work out, but it is better to have gave it a genuine shot and known for sure that it wouldn't work out, than to have not tried and just assumed.

    We do things in life with good reasons to expect certain outcomes. Usually we expect something good for whatever good effort we put in. Sometimes, reality rejects our 'theories' about how things should be. We learn then.

    But if we never tried, even in the smallest bit, we would never have known.

    Who is to say people don't change for the better? Who is to say age does nothing?

    It is better to know that hey... at least something changed. It is better to have grown a little more from each experience.

    When things don't work out in the end, if the mindset was right when begining anything, I believe each person would be able to take away something from that experience.

    If things did change, and so did we, and we actually became more of who we are meant to be, and that was exactly what we wanted, then hey, why not?

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    • If some time has passed, then yeah go for it :) We all grow, learn, and change; I addressed this in the article. Sometimes, it's just bad timing. Thanks for the feedback and input, beautifully stated!

  • I agree completely except "Did you leave them, and then have second thoughts?" part.
    You made your choice, now live with it. ?
    I can always make the things better, ALWAYS :)

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    • Can you elaborate? I was talking about those who dump someone, only want them back mere days later, and get rejected. If it's been a few weeks, and you've had time to think, I think it's OK to try then. We all do stupid things when we're angry. If you just needed a cool off period to think, then it was more of a break than a break up, in my opinion.

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    • OK then we're on the same page :) I should have clarified more in the article. Thanks for pointing it out to me.

    • The pleasure is all mine :)

  • Marry me, pleaseee!!! :D

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  • Well said. Too many people waste their time living in the past.

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  • this is what people do when they can't get over the emotional attachment and tell themselves lies... its all for a releif.

    thers a reason why y'all broke up. unless circumstances have changed. its weakness

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  • disagree some of the healhtiest relationships excist out of people who were exes of each other, because if 2 exes work out their problems , it can work. but both need to be committed then

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  • This is a great read, why did you post anonymous? just curious.

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  • Agreed. They're an ex for a reason. Don't look back only forward and learn from your experiences good or bad to become a better partner.

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  • I concur, trying to get your ex back is a waste of time.

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    • honestly i tried getting back with my ex and his friend attacked me saying wasn't good enough he need nice girl ... they almost put me int he hospital with panic attack thinking i wasn't any good so... i agree waste of time trying to get your ex back

  • "Did they suddenly get distant, and/or leave with no apparent reason?"

    Yep... got hurt really badly years ago, but I got over it eventually.

    I miss her sometimes, but there's nothing I can do except move on.

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  • Nice take, i am gonna say i am 110% agree with u..

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  • Taylor Swift said it best

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  • Agreed. After being rebounded by this one girl who had dated her ex on and off for 5 years and is back with him, it is very damaging and unhealthy.

    It's like because she keeps going back to her ex, she made her ex drama my issue by complaining about him and she eventually went back to him making me feel like I'm nothing compared to him, despite how strong she came on to me. It's like when they break up, she'll have baggage for a long time and will constantly struggle to get over it.

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  • Nice take!

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What Girls Said 9

  • Beautifully written. Bravo!

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  • I've never tried to get an ex back at all but anyways great article

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  • Well. This was cheerful. Thanks for the confidence. 😑

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  • this has to be a joke right? this is a take i wrote a few months ago? copy and paste mutch?

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    • If I'd known that, I wouldn't have posted another one. I don't search to see if something is already up when I post my opinion. I didn't copy anything.

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    • Writing about the same topic is not copying. Say whatever you want, you're jealous that I was featured.

    • sins this take was stolen from me im not really suprised that its been featured. ALL OF MY TAKES HAVE BEEN PROMOTED AND FEATURED! you stole this from me! did you really expect something else then you took it?

  • It really depends on the situation though...

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  • Single foever sounds good

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  • What if you have no one else to turn to?

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  • Right because what broke you up will be the same thing that breaks y'all up again. Just another heartache.

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  • I never tried to get an ex back or I never will

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