The end of the road for a relationship

[noneoftheabove]

After reading so many blogs, questions and answers on here there are so many opinions out there in how to deal with a relationship break up.

This will be a very simple mytake as i dont want to bore you.

In my final year of uni i met a girl who took an interest in me and i took a liking to her the first time i laid my eyes on her. People said at the time that they were surprised that i went for her cause she wasn't my "supposed type". Anyway cutting a long story short we started getting to know each other, we started dating and then eventually we got together.

After a while things started deteoriating because i went away on placement for a month just after Christmas in 2010. I struggled to keep in touch with her because of how busy i was and that meant the start of the end of the road for that relationship. When i came back things were okay but she wasn't herself. After a while it came out that she had full blown depression and i handled it all wrong. It was the first time id seen depression first hand. She started to get help but i was such a jerk to her cause of my selfishness and lack of understanding that she said we need to talk. I knew what was coming and it hit me hard when what i thought was coming came out. She said she wanted a break but i knew that meant it was over deep down. after a week or so i accepted that it was over and i struggled to let go to begin with but i let go eventually.

what i learnt from that horrible experience was that sometimes advice or pointers won't always help you. im not saying it won't but i think in those moments after a relationship break up it takes TIME to get over it. There is no easy fix after a relationship is over you have to let yourself grieve cause part of your life has died and its hard to come to terms with that. You dont want to jump straight into another one after youve just come out of one. That can create more problems.

TIME is the essence and before you move on i really think people need to make sure theyve let go. Some people you will always have a soft spot for but dont let that affect your next relationship.

[Kisum]

That's great advice, happy that you posted this because a lot of people don't realize it

time to be alone so that you can reflect on what happened and that no ones to blame. Understand after that experience what you want vs what you don't want in your life and finally look at yourself once more so that you realize how an intense experienced changes you

[YourFutureEx]

Yes time is most valuable asset.

[bubble_tea]

It can create more problems, but it doesn't have to. Sometimes you'd miss the opportunity to be with a great person if you insist on a grieving period first.

[noneoftheabove]

Depends how attached you were to the person. If you're talking about a 2 or 3 week fling then clearly not lol

[bubble_tea]

No, you have time to grieve while being with the great person.

[noneoftheabove]

Do you actually think that works? I know many people who have tried that way and its screwed them up even more. You need a break sometimes because you need to clear your head. If you're not over your ex how the hell can you be with someone else? Thats messed up. Taking time out is important for some people and for others its not. I think its subjective.

plus you should never ever be someones rebound..

[bubble_tea]

lol yes, I do, because it actually worked for me.
those people you're speaking of, it only screwed them up even more, because their rebounds or next partners weren't a lot better than the ex, probably even worse because they just wanted to get distracted by 'anyone'. there's a reason this quote "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else" even exists. I'm not saying it's the best way though, all I'm saying is this approach works 'sometimes'.
Is it messed up? Maybe, but I'd say it's up for the 'rebound' to decide if she or he can or wants to deal with 'that mess' or not.
There's this HIMYM episode in which Ted Mosby heard the news his all time high school crush was single again and he wanted to wait first because he didn't want to be the rebound. 1 month later, when he contacted her, she already got a new boyfriend who later because her husband.

[noneoftheabove]

As to that tv show, lets put it into a real life scenario. Who ended the relationship? and will that marriage last? Those are questions we will never know the answer to but TIME would always tell :p.

Are you still with the person? And i think a lot of people sometimes jump straight into another one because they dont like being alone even though they aren't over their ex. If you were constantly talking about your ex in your new relationship that isn't healthy. i think ' time' heals a lot of people. and back to my ex i was still so hung up on her a couple of months maybe more that i didn't want to be with anyone else. Why would i want to put someone else through shit when im not ready to move on

as for you fair play to you for being able to move on that quickly but majority of people can't

[bubble_tea]

LOL So already making it that far to get married means nothing to you, eh? As long as the next person doesn't stay with you till death do you apart, it'd be a waste of time

Surprise surprise, I'm still with him. Yes, time heals, but until then I was lucky enough to have someone to talk to ^^ Was it healthy? Maybe not to you, but he didn't mind. Oh, just to be clear, I told him from the beginning that I just got out of a relationship and was still trying to forget.

[noneoftheabove]

Have you seen the divorce rates in this modern world? ;) lol some people have forgot the real values of marriage but lets not go there thats a whole other mytake. And like i said fair play but i wouldn't go near someone whos just come out of a relationship. Just my preferences there.

ill be interested to see if you're still with the same person in 10-15 years time. There can be a lot of baggage that comes with someone whos just come out of a relationship. If you werent on the receiving end then i can see why you move on quickly. If you're the person who did end it then i can see why youd move on very quickly. someone to talk? Yeah thats true but youve also got your friends.

What amazes me about this website is the sheer diversity of how peoples minds work and how differently they handle things.

[bubble_tea]

So how long did your relationship last that makes you think yours was more successful than my current one or the divorced ones of others? Or how many have you had that lasted 10-15 years to be so judgmental and presumptious

What I've learnt here is that most people think what and how they do or think is exactly what everyone should do or think, or else they're unhealthy, unnatural or unhelpful.

[noneoftheabove]

if that how you want to take that then thats your choice. youve got a little bit defensive here, too.

end of the day we agree to disagree.

[bubble_tea]

lol I'm merely repeating your words to me and telling you how it came over. By omitting the duration of your relationship (s) and telling others their relationships are essentially meaningless and a failure if they didn't hit the 10-15 years mark, it's just natural to assume you were nowhere near the 10 year mark and just lashing out at others who are more successful at getting into relationships and staying in one a little longer than you did.

Yes, I cannot agree with someone who basically lost his girl because he was a jerk. Your words, not mine.

[noneoftheabove]

i wasn't lashing out at all. exaggerated much. i just disagree with you cause from a personal point of view that method wouldn't work for me. if it works for you then happy days. i needed time to get over it and other people do as well.

just so you know that relationship wasn't working from the very beginning. we forced it but it was never right. although that doesn't mean it didn't hurt like hell nonetheless.

[smexiliciousss]

this is very true