Love can turn to hate, but is the opposite true as well?

My ex hates my guts.

It's normal, sure, but where does it come from? Why do they suddenly, or even gradually, go from loving you to bits, to hating the very thought of you? What causes this change that hurts us so deeply?

Love can turn to hate, but is the opposite true as well?

It's quite simple actually: they are still attached to you on some level, and they are suffering because they are subconsciously trying to deny it. They are trying to "convince" themselves that they do not love you in any way, thinking that this is how they are supposed to move on, and you become the "cause" of that suffering. The longer they deny it, the more the suffering grows, and likewise, the hatred and resentment toward the other person grows too. They begin to display negative emotions of varying degrees, from passive aggressiveness, to harsh remarks and snickering behind your back. If you reach out to them, they seem cold and rude, like you're irritating them and they couldn't be bothered with your presence. But these are all emotional responses that come from their deep denial of their true feelings towards you. They want you, they desire you, but they are convincing themselves that they don't. Even friends and family are perhaps trying to convince them that things "just weren't meant to be".

And there is only one reason why they deny these feelings: fear. They are afraid that if they accept it, they will lose their identity. They are afraid to accept it, because by admitting it, they're admitting that they were wrong all this time. They are hurt and they've associated too much pain to the thought of accepting their feelings for you or the situation. "People will do more to avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure."

But what does this mean? Does this mean that you go and beg for them back, or try to convince them that they have feelings for you? No! Because doing so will only reinforce their belief; because by doing so, you are revealing to them the truth which they'd rather not hear. The only thing you can do, is nothing. Nothing at all, except carrying on with your life. Why? Because it is them and only them who can consciously decide whether they will accept things or not, and end the suffering. They need to realise their feelings for you on their own, and nobody in the world can rush them.

Does this mean they'll one day come back? Possibly, but I wouldn't wait on them. Why? Because it could take years before they decide to face the truth. Do they truly hate you? No, they don't. They do love you, even if they don't realise it, but they're protecting themselves, and most of the time bullshitting themselves, but few people realise that its easier to live with love than to live with hate.

Do they ever move on? Yes, once they have truly accepted how they feel, and accepted the fact that they might never be with you ever again. Acceptance is the first step to letting go.

So how do you tell if your ex has truly moved on? Well, that's also simple: They are completely indifferent. People that have let go of their attachment, accepted their feelings and the situation and have truly moved on, don't hate. They don't swear or curse at you or call you names. They are civil, and again, indifferent to you or your life. Even to the point where they can be in the same room as you while your new partner can't keep their hands off you, and be unaffected emotionally. Sure, they still love you, but it no longer affects their lives. And if they still had unresolved feelings towards said ex, they'd have left the room by that point, or made a scene.



I mean, think about it… Why would they, or anyone invest all that time and energy into hating you or showing any emotional reaction to you if they didn’t care at least a little bit deep down? If a driver cuts you off on the highway, you are angry at him, yes? But only for that moment. You’re unattached to the situation, you get over it and move on with your life, but if you became attached to it and cared about what the driver did to you, you’d be talking about it weeks after it happened. Maybe even starting up some movement against reckless driving.

All the best!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I always wonder the same thing. If a person doesn't have any feeling towards you then why they would show irritation, anger, defensiveness, ignorance and fear when it comes to you. Shouldn't they be totally indifferent when it comes to even making a simple, civil and short conversation? Oh well! It seems like the person is still affected at some level.

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    • Exactly. Any reaction to you from an ex, could be seen as something from love, and not hate. I mean, my ex personally is passive aggressive towards me, and tries very hard to make sure i know that she's having a good time without me. I just laugh, because i know exactly why she's doing it, and i can carry on knowing confidently, that one day she'll realize the mistake she made. Until then, i just leave her be to discover those feelings herself.

      Indifference is zero emotional response to any given situation.

Most Helpful Guy

  • If, and only if, you're trying to get your ex back, the one thing you have to be seriously worried about is if you're ex is INDIFFERENT - as in they don't care. That's when it's obvious they've moved on and want nothing to do with you.

    When an ex, or anyone as a matter of fact, is majorly pissed off at you - just like this take has observed - they still care about you and certainly have feelings for you.

    Letting them cool down by giving them space is the BEST thing you can do for the time being. Giving them space will let them naturally get rid of all negatives and start to look at the happier sides in your relationship. People tend to look back on their past with red tinted glasses (!!)

    Anyway, main thing you have to remember is LOVE is not the opposite of hate, indifference is.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I agree. The point is, hate is such a strong emotion, so to be able to feel such a powerful thing towards someone means you care about them enough to bother having an opinion of them. That's why it can so easily turn to love (or vice versa like you said). Hate is an outlet for love you still feel but have nothing to do with or give to anyone

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  • i loved this site. then i met all the assholes. now, i still like the site and i hate the assholes.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Well some of the closest friends I've ever had we started out hating each others guts. I remember freshmen year of high school. He shoved my head into the side of a locker and I punched him right in the face and we would have just gone at each other if a bunch of people didn't jump in between us. A little over a year later we were hanging out all the time.

    That was when I was a kid and make quick judgement. If I hate someone now it's probably not going to change unless they as a person change.

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    • Usually the strongest relationships begin off a basis of hatred, because that hatred turns into a bond and an emotional connection to that person. It's an attachment of sorts, and one that is often very strong. A few years could pass by and that hatred will eventually disappear, but the bond and connection will remain, leaving behind a tight friendship that often lasts a lifetime.

      I mean, think about it, all of your relationships started off with a strong emotional response, whether positive or negative. The only time those connections were lost, was when there was no longer an emotional connection.

  • I liked it very much. :) very logical.

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  • Haha, the vice versa is also very possible x) but not really in the way you described (altough it is possible too) but later it can turn into a crush.

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  • Nice take😃
    It helps some people

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