so I dated this guy for the whole summer, we were never official but before we both went back to school (2 hours away from each other) we had a convo about where this was going and we decided to just take it as it went because we both knew we would be super busy... we kept in touch talked almost everyday visited each other a couple times and what not... over winter break we became official and that's when it all went down hill... the break was great but when we went back to school he broke up with me and told me it was because of the distance and that he was scared(w/e that means) but we still talked all the time because he wanted to be friends...a couple weeks of that went by then he begged for a second chance and told me he would never leave me, blah blah blah... a couple months later he broke up with me again because of the distance..now he's trying to get me back...he calls and texts me all the time telling me he misses me and that he loves me and goes on and on about how stupid he is and he can't believe that he did this to me and I deserve so much better but he knows that this time is going to be different.. I'm wondering what the hell is going on with him and if another chance would be a waste of time?
Most Helpful Girl
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and disagree with everyone else here. Repetitive breakups are very unhealthy. When it's done by the same person multiple times, it denotes several negative things;
1) They can't decide whether or not they care about you enough to keep you around. Like you're a decision that hasn't been made quite yet.
2) They don't seem to comprehend or feel the hurt that's endured EVERY TIME they break up with you. And really...that kinda takes away the cuteness from the whole; "I was stupid I want you back!" routine, doesn't it?
3) Or, worst case scenario, they know for sure that they don't care about you and they're stringing you along. Possibly fooling around with someone else during the "breakup" period so it doesn't constitute as cheating, and then reconciling when they get bored with the other man/lady.
The fact that you guys dated for a whole summer (four months should be long enough to test the waters, don't you think?) prior to this whole scenario, but never made it official in any way makes me really question this guy's willingness to commit, or put a romantic label on a relationship. I'd just like to point out now that it's not just the fact that he dumped you (twice! C'mon honey...), it's the WAY he did it. It's not like he dumped you one day, the decision haunted him all night, and called you back the next morning thinking he had made the biggest mistake of his life. There was a long time period of weeks the first time he broke up with you, and MONTHS the second time. Don't you ever wonder why he didn't miss you? When people love each other, it KILLS to be away that long. And distance makes the feeling even worse! The first time should have been bad enough to realize he never wanted to go through that again.
The reason he does this to you is because he can. You allow it. And he didn't miss you because you were always still there for him after the breakup, probably acting like the girlfriend you weren't. You guys communicate every day, and because of this, you're giving him the impression that you're always gonna be there should he ever decide to take you back for another spin, and that you'll wait there faithfully until he comes around again in another couple of weeks or months. You're much too good for that. No one should ever have that kind of hold on anybody. Move on and stay friends, how about? If you truly love him that much then by all means, take him back. But if you love and respect yourself more, you won't.