My girlfriend and I have been together for four years. She cheated on me with a guy that she had just met at a party with her friends 2 1/2 years in but told me about it right away and I tried to forgive her but every time I think I have moved on something brings that memory back into my head and I...
My girlfriend and I have been together for four years. She cheated on me with a guy that she had just met at a party with her friends 2 1/2 years in but told me about it right away and I tried to forgive her but every time I think I have moved on something brings that memory back into my head and I just can't forget about it. I thought that breaking up with her would be the right thing to do but then I just found it too hard to move on. She says she loves me and would never do anything like that again but she also told me that she would never cheat on me in the first place. She is constantly telling me that she is sorry but when I try to talk about it and see if we can fix it she just changes the subject and acts like nothing ever happened. How do I know if she is truly sorry.
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u kind of remember me of my ex bf. I didn't cheat on him but in the very beginning of our relationship I was acting too flirty and didn't really know how to act as a girlfriend because he was my 1st bf, although I never intended to cheat and never did. but still, even after he told me he was upset and I changed my behaviour he kept on bringing it up. 1st time we were together it was a year and a half and finally he kept on bringin it up every week. he did have an anger problem and trust issues, but still he just wouldn't forgive no matter my efforts. and he tried to break up with me too, but just couldn't do it, until finally after a year and a half. its like you either have to forgive or break up. because if you really do forgive her, you have to remember that you can't bring it up all the time.
and about ur girlfriend changin the topic... my boyfriend brought up the issue sooo much that I just didn't say anything when he got mad, I would just sit there, feel bad about what he was saying and hope we could just go over to sth else. that didn't mean I wasn't sorry, but he brought it up so much and made me feel so bad, I just didn't know what to say to him anymore. and do you really wanna talk to s.o. who just accuses you but not calmly talks to u? I don't know how you act with her, but maybe you don't really wanna talk to her but just accuse her and she's getting tired of it too, I mean you can't be sorry forever. maybe you do need some time apart and if you wanna sort things, then explain to her you don't wanna accuse her of her mistake but you wanna find out why she did it and what could improve the situation.
so if you should forgive her or not, I guess you have to feel she doesn't just say sorry for you but she really means it and she has taken actions to show you that she's serious. and if you still can't forgive then maybe you just need some time apart, just to get away from it a bit and have a fresh start.
omg my ex did the same thing to me as your girlfriend did to you. we had been together over 3 years and just about a year into it he cheated by getting drunk at a party and then one other time almost right after with someone so he could get "revenge" on me for hanging out with a guy friend of mine (he was really possessive). it was really messed up of him.
i forgave him and until the day we broke up he did the EXACT SAME THING as your gf, denied it , gets upset when I brought it up and told me I needed to get over it. to this day I still think about his cheating all the time. sometimes something will trigger the memory and it plays out in my head in detail. you never truly get over something like that because not only does it hurt so bad, but you wonder about yourself being adequite enough and why they did that to you. I could never get over it, and it still hurts today, but in our relationship it affected everything. my trust for him was completely gone and over time it got a little bit better but barely even enough to feel secure with him going out with all of his guy friends because I was scared that since he did it before and really doesn't show much remorse for it except for saying sorry it wouldn't be so hard for him to do it again. I thought I was going to marry him, but the risk of him doing it again will always be there, and what would that be like when you've committed your life to someonelike that. you will NEVER know if she is truly sorry. and for me at least, the only way to truly cope with it and forget about it (as much as possible anyway) was to get out. I just hope it doesn't affect my future relationships with trust issues. I really hope that what happened to me into account, but even if you don't think about this: the bottom line is she cheated. she betrayed you and your relationship of 2.5 years (which is long enough to love someone and consider a future with them) and was she thinking of you in the least bit when she did what she did? I would say no, but in my opinion it will always affect you if you stay with her. think about this as well: its been a year and a half after the fact and you're still not over it (and who can blame you for that?) do you honestly think you'll be over it after youve been trying hard for that long?
She doesn't want to talk about it because she wants it to be like it never happened. Honestly though it depends on what she did to cheat on you. If she slept with him then I say drop her like a rock. However if it was just making out then there could be some forgiveness to be found. As I said though if clothes were discarded then I wouldn't trust her.
This is funny to me. Girls always tell guys to dump the girl but girls tell other girls to keep the guy when he does the same thing. Wow. Double standard.
If she can't talk about it, its because she wasn't taught to talk about it and if she does talk about it, it means you want details of the nights events. Wow. Do your really want that kind of flashback?
In my experience, the person that gets cheated on, is always the one who wants to salvage the relationship because it was shock for one and for two, you aren't ready to stop loving. IF, you salvage this relationship, are you doing it for false reasons, meaning so you can be with her until you have mentally broken away?
Whatever you decide, ask yourself this. Was she the one? Or the one for right now? Were you planning on getting married and all that yada yada? Is she worth forgiving? And if so, then the event is worth shelving. But watch yourself. Watch for signs. Woman are always looking for a good man. Your services could be useful elsewhere should this not be a permanent home for your heart.
i'm going to be the black sheep here, but I don't think you should break up with her. I'm actually going through such a similar situation right now, that I thought for a second that this could be my bf... the only difference is, it wasn't at a party for me... but it was about 2 years into the relationship, and we have been together now for 4 years, after I told him he was fine for a bit, then wanted to be on his own for about 5 months. we've been great since, but this past week he stopped talking to me again, he said that he thought he was over it, but everything reminds him of it... I'd really like to hear how you are feeling and what you are going through because then I would understand better to why he's acting the way he is, and I can hopefully give you an idea of what your girlfriend may be feeling... send me a msg on here if you're interested
when some guy cheats on me, it's over for me because in my mind I'll have to picture him f*cking some other girl and at that point, he wasn't thinking of me was he? same with you. think of it that way. I honestly can't forgive a guy for cheating on me. it makes me laugh cynically if someone is going to tell me 'forgive him for the sake of you two being together for so long'-comeon, give me a break. who cares. just find a better girl who doesn't just f*ck around randomly
I don't like the saying once a cheater always a cheater it does depend on the circumsatnces but in this case you doesn't trust her any more so maybe it would be better for both of you to just go your separate ways or to seek some kind of counselling... to develope trust again...but then that would be up to you and your girlfriend.
Shes not truly sorry. If she can't even talk about it, and likes to rpetend life is perfect and thinks that life can bounce right back to the place you guys were before(or before you found out), she's not being real.
If she actually cared about you she would sit down and talk to you about it and try to fix it and maybe taking you for granted. I just imagine, if I was the cheater and regret it I would try to do anything to fix things.
I say move on. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Told you she would never cheat on you, then bam-random party -girl meets guy.
Shes not sorry because she wouldn't have done it in the first place if she cared.You should always forgive people,its human to error,but forgive her, move on and break it off and you could always remain friends.If you really are in love with someone you would never put yourself in that situation to get that drunk and hook up with a stranger or even think of sleeping with another person there is no excuse they shouldnt be in a realtionship if they can't stay faithful,9 times out of 10 it will happen again.there are plenty of faithful people out there that you can trust,shes not the only girl in the world.If you were to stay together It won't get better either ,you will always be paranoid and it will drive you crazy,trust me I have been there and its will just drain you.So dump the bitch and move on,keep yourself busy stay out of contact with her for a while it will make it a lot easier and surround yourself with positive people,go ahead and take her number out of your phone too so you won't be tempted to call her.It will seem like the end of the world and so hard at first but then you will be glad that you did.
she seems sorry. people make mistakes sometimes. then again, cheating is really easy not to do: keep your legs closed and free of other dudes' wangs. however, I don't think constantly reminding her that she screwed up will make her feel better about you or what she did. she'll think you're always going to hold her mistake over her head. I think for you both to get past it you need to drop it and move on and just be happy. I know you've been hurt, but maybe it's best to put some trust in your girlfriend again.
Are you really still thinking and holding a grudge about an unique fling or sidestep she had 2 1/2 years ago?
What changed about her?
She's still very much the same as before she ever cheated.
Because of your way of bringing it up again and again you keep her in an inferior position and she may end up hating you for it, with reason. You're changing her.
Isn't your love big enough to pardon, isn't your virility good enough to be sure she prefers YOU, not that guy: she can compare and she did chose you, instead of that guy. She supported your remarks for 2 1/2 yrs: isn't that proof she loves you?
All those people who talk about "once a cheater, always a cheater" and would dump at sight for cheating are in fact very insecure about themselves. I suspect they're in fact looking for an easy way to end their relationship, putting all the blame on the other of course.
My advice: forget it, Never ever talk about it again.
Look I had a Girlfriend that I gave a second chance. Normally I say, that cheating is an automatic deal breaker. The one girl I ended up giving a second chance, just ended up cheating on me again. Not only did she cheat on me a second time, but a third as far as I can prove, plus a friend of mine just pointed out that she had a profile on a dating site that was looking for sex. I should have just broke up with her. Sadly enough breaking up with her was still painful, but the cheating made it all the easier.
Anyway so that was the one time I made exceptions, and you can bet your fucking ass I'll never be making exceptions to that fucking rule ever again.
Here's my advice. For starters I say kick her to the curb. She will cry, she'll probably beg, and maybe even say she's sorry or that she'll never do it again but here's some good reasons why you should forget about all that and dump her cheating fucking ass. For one, you clearly don't trust her anymore, and as far as I'm concerned if you can't trust the one you're with you should be with, because if you stay you're going to be in a world of hurt, and she'll be miserable, and you'll be driving yourself nuts. You don't want that. Believe me. I'm also fairly certain she's just going to cheat on you again. I mean I hate to say once a cheat, but...
Anyway I don't think you should forgive your girlfriend. I don't think you're going to either. It's better to lose her now before you end up getting hurt again. It might take you some time to heal but eventually you will. I just hope you don't misplace your feelings and project them onto some other girl in the future. You probably won't but just in case. Anyway so there's my advice. If you go through with it then go out there and live up the single life. Have fun. hang with your friends. Do whatever you need. Sorry to hear about what happened to your girlfriend. But you'll figure something out.
It doesn't seem that you have the capacity to forgive her daliance regardless of is she is 'truly' sorry or not. And you've now gone 18 months thrashing this over in your mind still not forgiving or forgetting? So quit dragging your feet and hoping that someone else will live your life for you. It seems pretty unanimous on this site anyways, everyone thinks you should have dumped her 18 months ago. So either forgive her (and then watch her like a hawk forever more) or move along and find someone else who might possess higher ethics worthy of a life long commitment. Good luck.
It doesn't matter if she is truly sorry. She shattered your trust. I know you may love her, but if she's cheated once, she is extremely likely to do it again. Cut ties now and start looking for someone to make you happy that you can trust 100%. It sucks, it's what you need to do.
Please tell me when you do it. People rarely do and end up staying in awful relationships usually. Trust me a million times over. Break up with her and move on. The end.
You don't. I figure she owes you a hot girl so my solution would be a 3 some. Of course, given the slight chance that I'm wrong, you may want to get help from someone who took all those mind bending college courses to give you better advice.
the way I see it is cheating says a lot about the person cheating and also how she feels about the person she is cheating on. think about it how can a girl live with knowing her partner can not trust her which I feel is a major issue in true relatioships. their are a lot of people in the world and all different types there's something about knowing your girl wouldn't go behind your back to experience or be with any of them that is beautiful. it shows her level of respect for you when a girl cheats because what if you get laughed at for her actions, what if it hurts you too much, what if you felt she was the one, there's a lot of things not takin into consideration when a person cheats so it shows she didn't value those things enuff to avoid a little temptation. I think wen someone is really in love nothing could distract them they are almost infatuated with their partner. to forgive your girl after her cheating your basically settling for second best because believe me or not but not all girls are capable of cheating because some fully commit themselves to you, and respect that while you are wih them you don't want another guy borrowing them. it says a lot about how she tiks about sex too, because to want the sex so much she would betray you for it she was never worth it, sex is best when its true love and some girls only have sex in relationships.
Dude...she made a mistake. People aren't perfect. Accept it and move on. I might also add that she did tell you. Would you want her to tell you if it happened again? Then don't make too much of a big deal out of it. Get her to empathize with you. Explain how it made you feel. That's all you can do. Take the high road. If it was all that (the cheating) she wouldn't be with you now. So feel comfortable knowing she only wants you my man.