Ex broke up with me, but says he loves me even though he has a new girlfriend.
I'm 22, my ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago now, and I moved back home 2 months ago. We both made our mistakes, but he blamed me for everything. I was quite immature - I had read his MySpace messages and MSN chat logs, to find out he'd been telling other girls I was rubbish, lazy, etc. I found out he'd also been talking to his ex-girlfriend from 6 years ago.
I found this hard to deal with, and when he found out I'd gone to my friends for advice, he went nuts saying that I shouldn't have been discussing "our business" with people. I thought it was natural to ask friends for advice about how to approach a situation. These so called "friends" then went behind my back and told him what I'd been doing before I had a chance to figure out how to approach it, so I've learnt my lesson there...won't be trusting anyone for a long time, and I also have nothing to do with those "friends" anymore.
Ever since then, he hadn't trusted me and I didn't trust him. He had also kissed one of his exes at a nightclub whilst I was in a different room.
He also stopped doing things with me like, going/hanging out. I think he forgot that you still have to "date" your girlfriend in a way.
Anyway, we broke up after he said he "couldn't do it anymore" and that he thought I was crazy, even though he knows I suffer from depression.
We then went through this month period of me still living in his house, and sometimes having sex, and us hanging out. He then started seeing the ex from 6 years ago that I mentioned earlier. He asked me to stay away on weekends when he didn't have to work, then I finally moved out because I couldn't do it anymore.
Since then I've met up with him a few times, with the intention just to talk, and to sort out a few things like bills and to collect the rest of my stuff. Each time has resulted in him charming me back into bed and I wish I didn't fall for it. Each time he's said he still loves me.
I met up with him whilst I was at a festival last weekend (he came to see the bands on the day, I was camped there). He protected me during one of my favourite bands, and we were kissing and hugging throughout the entire set, and we were also holding hands all day, discreetly (due to the fact some mutual friends were there also). After the band's set, I'd gotten hit, and he took me to the medical tent and sat with me. He said that he still loved me, and that he wished things hadn't turned out the way they had. I said to him, "How can you still love me when you're with her?" He said that he "just did", and then kissed me again. I asked him, "What would she do if she found out about this?" he said that she'd dump him...and I just said "Oh". After the festival he said he'd see me in 2 weeks time as he was on holiday. I said ok.
I don't know why I just can't let go. I want to move on...and this whole thing is making the depression worse. I haven't been to work in two weeks because I just don't want to get up.
Sorry for the essay but I'm at my wits end!
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
Hun, this guy's whole motto is "do as I say, not as I do" - meaning: it's okay for him to do things that are unacceptable and he expects you to handle it from him but he won't handle it from you. And the other thing is, he may not realize this is how he thinks, but he is thinking this way.
You got to explain that treating you like this is unacceptable, and a total disappointment (without getting mad, lol, because it's easy for these discussions to get heated really quick). But also, you got to tell him "I'm sorry if you still love me, but the way you treat me is unacceptable and doesn't show that. And I don't have the time to waste to wait for you to show it, so you have a decision. But I also have to make a decision, if I want to go through anything like this, again; and I don't know if I can. Because I'm not just going to be there if you're relationship doesn't work out, because I have my own priorities and I'm not sure if you fit into them anymore."
Explaining ourselves in these situations is always tough because our emotions get caught up in the moment, but that's what you gotta do. YOU got to figure out how you want to explain yourself, and what you want to put up with. Also, you got to decide what's going to make you happy, and it sounds like a little isn't enough, so you might have to express that you're going to start looking elsewhere for someone to share your happiness with.
Because you got to pay the bills, and this situation doesn't help with work, and it doesn't make you happy, so you got to start looking and expressing what is, and if he can't cooperate with that, then it's time to find new people and things that please you.
What Guys Said 1
You realize that continuing to date the guy who cheated on you, dumped you, and called you crazy, is doing emotional damage, right? This is not a man who likes you, or respects you. This is a man who's using you, because you're convenient and willing.
This man is hurting you, and he's selfish enough not to care.
What Girls Said 1
Don't be sorry for anything. The reason that you are having trouble letting go is simply due to love. Love doesn't care if the person you're in love with is a manipulative jerk, love can be blind to the wrongs dealt to you. It's a mysterious and sometimes aggravating thing, but love is wonderful and your ex sounds like a player.
I know that you're confused right now, you don't know what to do. So lets try and nail the things that you do know:
1.) He's a Cheater : He kisses other women even if your in the other room and he's currently dating an ex while holding hands & kissing you. When he coaxed you into bed, wasn't he seeing someone else then too?
2.) He's a hypocrite : It's okay for him to tell people online that you're lazy, blah, blah, blah but if you go to your friends for advice you're some sort of crazy person for wanting to figure things out.
3.) He DOES NOT value you - He called you rubbish, he said you were lazy, he called you crazy, he goes out with other women.
4.) He's manipulative - He breaks up with you but keeps you around to have sex, every time you try to sort things out his only motive is to get you back to bed, he pretends to care when all he wants is to get into your pants.
5.) He doesn't care about you, he cares about the way you make him feel - I don't think you're a real person to him. You're just someone to fall back on and have sex with. I don't mean to sound harsh, but no one who loves you would deal you such hurt.
6.) YOU CAN DO BETTER! - You are a worth while person with value. YOU ARE NOT RUBBISH! Although you may be perceived as such by your ex, you are another mans treasure. Be brave and you will find a man who loves you unconditionally, who cares about you and your well being and will put you before himself.
You have to be strong and you have to put your foot down. Don't let him get to you with his charms. Try to get a friend to pick up your bills and stuff from the apartment and talk to your ex via phone instead of in person. When you do talk to your ex, be decisive and get straight to the point. Don't let him sucker punch you with the "I love you" crap. He DOES NOT LOVE YOU. No one who loves you would treat you this way.
Stay strong. You will find the man you're destined to be with and he will love you for all that you are. Always remember, You. Are. Worth. It.