I am obsessed with my ex-girlfriend!!!

[Anonymous]

We had been together for 2.5 years and she was my first serious relationship. She's 22, and I'm 24. We gave up everything for each other... even our friends. Fast forward to 2.5 years later and she breaks it off when things were going great. She's already slept with guy #13, I was #12, while she was girl #1 on my list. It's been 3 months since the break up and I have been pretty much harassing her. Today she told me she doesn't want to talk to me everyday, that "we're not together."

I can't cut her out of my life... she means the world to me. I know she's dating around... I know she's fed up with me. I can't imagine life without her. I call her way too much, and I just can't understand why she doesn't want to talk to me; someone who she gave her life to. She says she still wants to be my friend... but not romantically. She played with my emotions 2 months after the break-up. Even though she has played with me, I still want her back. Again, I know she's fed up with me because all I talk to her about is how I don't have any friends, how crappy my life is, how she could do this to me, etc... not happy conversations.

I either want her back, or just to feel happy without her. I'm so depressed and even started smoking. I smoke about a pack of cigarettes every 2 days. I feel like complete crap all the time. Although it has gotten easier since the break-up. My close friends don't even want to be around me, they have been ignoring me for the past few weeks. I literally have ZERO friends right now. I have lost all my social skills and often come off as a creep to other girls because I just want to feel loved again. I don't think I'm not a terrible looking guy.

I don't want to stop talking to her because I have hope (even though she has repeatedly assured me there isn't) that one day we'll get back together. I feel like if I stop talking to her, she will definitely forget about me. I've pushed her too far just like I did with my close friends. Again, I either want her back, or just be happy without her. :(

Updates

+1 y

Also, she has clearly moved on with her life. She has all her friends and I have lost mine. We lived together for 2 years and I was forced to move out of the place we had. I just want to stop doing this to myself. What the hell should I do?

[callib]

How can you ever be happy without her if you don't know what life is even like without her? And the only thing that mends a broken heart is time. That is it. There is no magical solution (trust me, I wish there was-breaking up is HORRIBLE). So, for you to be happy without her, you need to separate yourself from her and give yourself time to get over her.

The last thing a woman wants is to be with a guy who is needy. You have taken needy to "nth" degree. You can and you must cut her out of your life. Again, you CAN cut her out of your life. There is no can't here. You just choose not to cut her out, but you could if you wanted to.

I think that when you step away from the situation you will see the main reason you want this woman is because you cannot have her. It has to be, because if you really wanted someone who treated you this way, that would mean you had zero self esteem. Unfortunately, right now you have gotten yourself so obsessed over this girl, you have zero self esteem. She is dating other men. She doesn't want you. It hurts bad. I know. I have been there and it is devastating. You feel like your life is over and nothing else matters. But why do you want to waste your time on someone who doesn't want you back? A relationship can never work if it is one sided. And I promise it will get better in time. It will. But you have to go through the pain to get past it. It is kind of like having to go over a mountain to get to the other side. You still have to go over it to get there. You can't skip the hurting. And being dumped or breaking up is one of the worst hurts there is. Trust me, I get it. I even swore off men for a long time just to protect myself from not having to go through the pain again. But eventually I got back in the game again, and guess what? More darn pain. I hate it, too. But you have to stop calling this girl and move on. You have to. You are just hurting yourself by not doing that.

She is your first so this is one of the toughest break ups you will ever go through, but it will not be your last. And, by the way, you need to stop smoking, too. One day you will look back on this relationship and be so glad you rid yourself of this woman. You know why? It is because you will find someone who will love you back and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Guess what? You will never find her if you keep your heart closed and focused on this woman.

And by the way, you said yourself, it has gotten easier since the break up. You admitted that it has gotten easier. Stop calling her, cut the ties, and it will get much easier much quicker. Right now your are just torturing yourself and digging the knife deeper every time you contact her. Why do you insist on causing yourself so much turmoil? Love yourself and move on so you can find that dream girl that is waiting for you.

[Asker]

I hate doing this to myself. Just recently, within the past week. She was talking to me a lot just because she wanted me to install some programs on her computer. I promised myself I wouldn't but I ended up doing it just to be with her. After I installed the programs, she has kinda blown me off, especially today. I wish I would've never done that. I want to go over and uninstall that crap... I feel so manipulated and used. Why the hell do I keep doing this to myself?

[karan3109]

exact answer! u just solved all of my problems! thanks a lot! :)

[amoreossessivo]

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[swtlostchingrl82587]

wow-it sounds like you are in a really sticky situation. Well first of all to figure out your feelings, write down or make a mental list on things that you want. (does she fits your standards) with her personality can you spend the rest of your life with her? ...is she really that awesome? what is that that makes you like her? ...you can ask yourself a series of questions.

Are you happy w/o her? maybe you don't really like her--but rather you just have gotten use to her. gotten use to her presence and when she' gone you feel attached to her (maybe in a friendly way?

and if you want your life or your friends back maybe you can talk to your friends ..ask them to come out and apologized? and if they are your real friends they will be there for you.

and to forget her? delete--and basically throw away every memory that reminds you of her.

she doesn't deserve you (if she moved on) and to be friends? --do you honestly want to be her friend? ...ehh--maybe there is something better out there for u..

and you can take this as a learning experience.

And what is so great abt her? ----how great is her personality? ..how much is she putting into becoming a great gf? are you or were you doing to much for her before?

Just some questions to ask yourself.

[Asker]

I don't want to be with her anymore... but at the same time I do. It's really hard to describe. I'm lonely and depressed without her... but I think it's just that I got so used to her; She was all I saw every day. I often ask myself if this is the new normal, or the transition to the new normal. I like to think it's the transition and this transition to the "new normal" is just painful.

[ADZzz]

what callib said basically sums it all up.

You have to stop talking to her. And bear the pain. There is no other thing to do.

Right now I am in a post breakup too. And even I talked to him, then cut him off then again talked. And m telling you this is the worst thing ever. If you are strong to just let her go then after a few months or so, you will feel better. There is not shortcut. And it won't be easy. I'm myself going throught this phase but I have successfully finally stopped talking to the ex.

And you know what it feels much better, even though I do think about him so many times because he was my first. But then I know ill never be able to meet anyone new with him stuck in my head or even life. Even though m still not in a meet anyone new stage but I am sure it will come soon.

time does heal everything, you just have to be patient and give time some time, ofcourse without her in ur life.

[yannick]

I went through the exact same thing. Made a lot of mistakes, lost some friends. But you know, looking back, I'm happy I made all these mistakes for so long because in the end I figured out for myself what I needed to do. I realized the situation was so complicated, there is no way anybody could tell me the right thing to do. And at some point, something that I learned really really hurt me so bad and I cried so much and understood that I just couldn't handle it anymore. That was the click that made me understand what I was supposed to do and since then things have been going up. I had a new girlfriend and she broke up with me too but I was a lot stronger and experienced so I knew how to react a lot better.

So make these mistakes man, if you feel like you need to make them. Follow your heart and after a while, your answer to what you should do will become obvious to yourself.

[Asker]

It's hard dude... I seem to smother her and I know she hates it, especially now that she's moved on. I hate this feeling... I've made so many mistakes I wish I could take them back. But I'm learning I guess...

[yannick]

Oh yeah, my ex is not talking to me at all, she went back to japan forever and didn't say goodbye. actually she didn't even tell me that she was leaving...

but maybe you need to reach that point, I mean, it's too hard to stay in touch. you want to because you love her but if she doesn't love you back then you're gonna need to learn to let her go live her life and because it's painful it means not being part of each other's life other than her being in your heart and hopefully you being in hers.

[dazzz]

i'm in your same boat...this girl just wants to be friends after the most amazing month of dating. one day she just stopped answering all my calls and told me things were crazy and moved too fast...to this day I still can't get over how awesome our month was and I've been a depressed loser who can't appreciate anything anymore! reading your story at least helps me know I'm not alone with this struggle. its blows but I'm realizing it's common. I'm thinking of deleting her off facebook, I already got her off my phone..she said she hopes we can still be friends, which makes me feel like there's still a window of hope, but I know it's all in my head and I've turned into a lunatic..

[Asker]

I hope things get better for ya... I've already mved on with my life. My life is even better now... I've made out with so many girls and even banged a hooters waitress. Don't worry dude... In the end, you'll think back and laugh at yourself.