My girlfriend is COMPLETELY paranoid. I need some help...fast

[Anonymous]

i really don't know how someone could be this paranoid. my girlfriend of 1 year is completely paranoid and self conscious of EVERYTHING. so this is how it goes. I am with her every day from the early morning till early in the morning, we are always together doing things. and she has this idea in her head that once she leaves I'm with another girl. she thinks I cheat all the time (and I DON'T). I try to explain to her that she needs to trust me and I explain how its damn near impossible for me to be with another women. every night I call her and were on the phone so long that I fall asleep. so she insists that when I "fall asleep" I'm out with "that other girl". it really hurts me. sometime even makes me mad to the point where I just have to leave the room and hit something. and then she thinks because I had a picture of a model on my phone background (before we started dating) that I want her to be a slut. which is completely ridiculous. its like every day there is something new that I get bitched at for, and I never do ANYTHING wrong. I don't know how to handle this situation, I need help, fast...thanks

[CalgaryKittyKat]

I know how you feel, completely. My ex had a phase like this, and it really hurt me.

You need to talk to her, but not when she accuses you. When you're both happy and having a good time together, relaxed and enjoying each other, you need to ask her to sit down and talk to you, just out of the blue.

You are under 18, so I'm assuming she is also?

So maybe she just needs to experience this and grow up, but I hope when you talk to her she's mature enough to understand your point.

You have to reassure her that you love her (that is, if you do love her). Because she's insecure. She has low self-esteem etc... You also tell her that you respect her and your relationship with her that you won't do anything to hurt her. DON'T tell her that you aren't cheating because she's always around you and it's impossible. Tell her that the reason why you wouldn't cheat is because you respect her and yourself. That way, even if you have the opportunity to cheat (time and place etc), she'll know that you won't cheat. (That is if she chooses to believe what you say and trust you.)

Look in her eyes and tell her that you've never done anything to hurt her. Tell her that you deserve more respect from her, and you have feelings too. And she's hurting your feelings by being this way. But don't get mad at her! Talk with her calmly. Hold her hand, rub her back, whatever it takes to help her trust you.

That's really all you can do. From that point, it's her choice to trust you or not. Good luck hun :-)

[sephaniecamborne]

Wow...what a cuffufle. I think you girlfriend is a little too paraniod here. I take it you really like her or I'm guessing you wouldn't be with her by now if you didnt. I think you need to sit down with your girlfriend and have a seriouse talk about how all these accusations are making you feel. if she is making you upset and angry tell her if she starts accusing you of stuff while your explaining all this to her then I tell her you need to see that she trusts you and that she doesn't think you are cheating and the way to prove that. if in the end and you are still unhappy and she is stil paranoid I think the best thing to do would be to break the relationship off. if things go well then maybe she will realise you didn't cheat on her and she was paranoid for nothing and maybe she will want to get back with you.

I hope this helps if not well sorry...what can I say I'm a 14 year old girl haha x

[OMG_look_its_nickels]

A couple contributors:

First mistake... spending every waking moment together.. if she is accustomed to this lifestyle, and has been for a while, she will forget you have a life outside of "her."

Pick one day of the week for starters, where you will not see eachother, and preferablly no contact at all. it will be tough @ first, but it shows her to sink or swim. either she'll cave and ditch the relationship cause she can't handle it, or she'll swallow her wit and just learn to trust you

Another thing.. could this be guilty conscience? does she show signs of cheating? often, a cheater will mask their own faults by leaving you on the hot seat, so that their actions go undetected

Last but not least.. any history of... borderline personality disorder? She's happy and clingy one minute, and when the SMALLEST thing doesn't work in her favor, she unleashes a demon that could make satan run for cover... for whatever reason, they have been able to tie BPD with insecurity in relationships.

and don't forget the obvious "I've been hurt in the past." If this conversation comes up, simply say "I a sorry for what happened before, but I'm not your previous BF, therefore you should be able to trust me 110%.. I refuse to pay the punishment for your exes, and if you feel you cannot trust me, despite my honesty and loyalty, it's time to reconsider the path of the relationship"

[Asker]

Yea you're exactly right, I get the feeling of her cheating on me, just some of the little things she does, shell tell me "shes busy" and that shell text me later that night. and when I ask what she's been doing she won't give me a straight answer. and she does a lot of that BPD thing you just mentioned. she has been hurt in the past, she's been cheated on, alot. but you're advice should help. thanks

[OMG_look_its_nickels]

Personally if it were me, regarding the "ive been hurt in the past," I'd tell her to jump on the f**n band wagon! LOL jk... DONT do that.. you'll learn why I have not many girlfriends. But seriously, I hope the advice helps, keep us posted

[aptera]

She is insecure, you must continue to remain patient and explain that you would have a snowball's chance in hell of being *able* (let alone willing) to go that long without sleep to cheat on someone who you are happy with. She wants you to reassure her. Having a model on your cell is not a real offense depending on the 'type' of photo. It would be impossible for you to cheat on that schedule, but what you need to tell her is that you WOULDN'T, even though you COULDN'T. Ask her for reasons why you would want to cheat, allow her to talk and LISTEN. She may feel much better after a discussion.

P.S. I know you know, but use this and all other advice at your discretion.