Breakup over a misunderstanding... is it really a misunderstanding or is he just finding an excuse to break up with me?

[DailyAlice]

My boyfriend of 4 months and I got into a big fight over a misunderstanding.. I was trying to explain this to him but he refuses to speak to me in person or on the phone and is forcing me to text him.. I explained to him so many times throughout our conversation that texting is a bad idea.. but he wouldn't answer my phone calls and would just text me...

The fight was over another guy.. he keeps insisting that this guy I have to work with is flirting with me.. I told him that he isn't and he should stop worrying about it.. I'm not sure if my colleague is flirting or not I just think he's being nice.. but I don't want to think about it and I don't care. I have zero interest in this guy and I'm a very devoted person.. I've never cheated and would never. I explained this to him already the last time he had a fit about the same guy..

So it turned into a huge fight spanning over two days. Still he refuses to speak to me on the phone.. He broke up with me 3 times.. Actually the first thing he did when he first hung up on me was text me to break up with me...

After fighting with him for 2 days I realize that maybe he just wants to break up with me? And is using this as an excuse.. so I just told him that if he wants this to be over then it's okay it can be over.. I didn't really know what else to say or do.. I'm really sad because I really liked him and a few times I actually thought we would work out... It's like when it's good it's really good and when it's bad it's really bad.. it's just way too extreme for me... I'm a very sensitive person.

I'm not sure what I could have done differently.. or what else to do now.. thoughts?

[On_the_other_hand]

I have never heard of a girlfriend actually admitting that a guy they were spending time with was actually flirting with them... ever.

While I think acting jealous is a genius way to break up... I don't think that is what he was doing. Smothering someone is and even better.

You said he broke up with you three times. That means he got back together with you three times. Why would he do that if he was looking for a way out?

I think he was genuinely jealous, but I don't know if he had good reason to be. But I'm fairly sure the guy was flirting with you.

You told your boyfriend the other guy wasn't flirting with you and to "let it go" and in the next sentence you said you didn't know if he was flirting with you. Think about it... honestly... why didn't you admit to your boyfriend you weren't sure if he was flirting with you. Because you would have to deal with the situation differently, and you didn't want to.

Denying someone is flirting with you, when no one is a mind reader, doesn't help things, and says to your boyfriend not only are you not tuned into his uneasy feelings, they don't mean more to you than continuing your interaction with a third party and that nothing is going to change.

What makes matters worse is if you are dismissing your what your boyfriend thinks he sees, and standing firmly against him. I'm not saying you should do this or that, but if you wanted to maintain the relatioship, I would have gotten away from "he's not flirting with me" and gone with something like "I don't know if he is flirting with me, but I am totally not into him. If you want I can tell him I have a boyfriend who I am very much in love with."

Standing firm against him is your choice and your right, but I don't know when that "let it go" attitude has ever defused this kind of conflict.

If other people can clearly see that this guy is flirting with you, just as your boyfriend sees it, then that is a slap in his face. To be honest it is a slap just to not consider it is any way "possible" he is flirting, because you are dismissing his perception out of hand.

When you are feeling uneasy about something you are sensitive about, does it hurt more if your boyfriend stands against you, tells you its nothing and to get over it? I'm guessing you want him to support you even if you are being unreasonable.

No body here knows the truth... but... there are people who flirt with others that is over the line, when it is justifiable to get upset. And not being supported when its real is a dismissive slap.

[Frost_Byte]

The guy most likely WAS flirting with u. Guys usually aren't that "nice" fyi. But still, he souldnt threaten to break up with u even though u werent cheating. If u WERE cheating, or even flirting back, then it would be different. This guy is insecure, and doesn't trust u. If u r willing to deal with that though, and still want to be with him, then the only thing u can really do that MIGHT satisfy him is if u told the guy at work off. Maybe u could just subtly fit that u r in a relationship into the conversation and see if he backs off. Then tell your bf that u told the guy off, and if THIS doesn't make him happy, then nothing will and u need to let go. If he does take u back tho, and this kind of thing happens again, u should break up with him regardless of the situation. I wish u the best of luck, hope this helped :)

[DailyAlice]

Yeah the guy already knows I have a boyfriend and I'm only working with him for this week and then not ever seeing him again. There's no reason for me to tell him off. My ex-bf knows that I'm not working with him again after this week. So I can't really tell him off or anything.. I'm just trying to move on now. but thank you

[Anonymous]

Guys make up their mind if you are relationship material at the 3-4 month mark.
You probably didn't make the grade.
Plus guys who use you for sex get rid at 4 months. It's a player thing because this is when women start to demand things off of them. They don't want that, hence the dumping.

[Apope16]

I think you are denying that he is flirting with you because you dony want to let go of the attachment to this guy. Listen to yourself. You are refusing to even acknowledge the guy might be. Because of your desire to explore your feelings with the third party and compare it to your boyfriend. Or at least consider that guy or lead him with hope. Your boyfriend may be emotional but not wrong. If you care for boyfriend you would have the guys meet or take steps to be transparent and build trust. He is not being childish. He is a lion guarding his pride land.

[Xelebrum]

Ma'am I'm sorry but you need a MAN, not a child who can't even speak to you like a big boy. It's very likely that he just needed an excuse to break up with you (his loss, not yours), so I suggest you move on from him.

[gobsmacked3]

He sounds both really insecure, and immature- do you really need the hassle?

[DailyAlice]

No.. that's why I just told him to stop texting me and it should just be over since that's what he said he wants like 3 times... I'm just sad I guess and needed to let out how I felt... :(

[gobsmacked3]

Hugs to you lass, venting is wise, but, do not waste any more time on this 'boy'

[DailyAlice]

I'll try not to.. thanks

[gobsmacked3]

It is your life, but, no sense in wasting time on fools, when you could use it to find one who will complete you, and make you beam like a cheshire cat

[DailyAlice]

lol I hardly believe those people exist.. but thanks...

[gobsmacked3]

Sometime you are blessed by a bit of Disney in your life ;)

[DailyAlice]

lol maybe :)

[gobsmacked3]

Believe in it sister

[AlexCab]

Just one thought: why would you want to stay longer with a person that breaks up with you 3 times in 4 months?

[Anonymous]

He was looking for a reason to break up with you, who knows what his real reasons were. Sorry, but time to move on.